you can't make this stuff up: volume 14 (yet another tennessee edition)

do you have a local character (or 20)?

ours is a chicken.

or rather, a person in a chicken suit who protests...stuff. 

short blurb about the chicken. 

AND possibly best of all...

he has a twitter feed


so seriously -- who are the characters in YOUR town or city?

craigslist, etc

i've spent a lot of time on craigslist this week

(ps, my car is totaled)

(pps, i'm a little angry at this point that the jerk/coward/insert other words who hit and totaled it sped away and most likely got away with it)

anyway, there's a lot to laugh at on craigslist. ever noticed that?

here's a few gems from my search tonight.

there's the run on sentence ads

hello i have a 2004 softail custom have invested over 30k in this bike i love this bike but am ready to do some traveling and need some where to tote the old ladies crap..lol this bike had custom wheels 21 front and a 18 rear a 250/40/18 rear tire it also has a rev tech 100ci motor and a revtech 6 speed tranny and a 3 inch open primary this bike is a dalily driver when i can fins the time and has less than 5k miles on this bike custom paint and custom bars have been in some shows and always came out a winner it truley a real head turner color is black with lite purple tribal ghost flames bike was dyno out and has 96 hp and 96 f/p of touqre at the rear wheel this bike is a blast to ride im looking to trade for a good road king or a street glide no junk because this bike is far from junk

the witty

Bags of cotton velvet scraps. good for crafting; making crazy quilts, if you are crazy enough to try that. That was my goal, but not likely to happen-not to go crazy, but to make that quilt.

the yelling/overenthusiastic ad

1995 FORD CONTOUR V6 (WILL NOT START MUST BE TOWED!!!!!) AUTOMATIC LEATHER AND ALL POWER OPTIONS> THIS RAN UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO IT TURNS OUT THE WIRES ARE ALL ROTTEN AND WILL HAVE TO BE REPLACED OR USE IT FOR PARTS I AM THE SECOND OWNER AND THIS CAR IS CLEAN AND WELL TAKEN CARE OF MOTOR IS STRONG TRANSMISSION IS STRONG I LOVE THIS CAR ITS VERY FUN TO DRIVE ALL WHEEL ABS DISC BRAKES FRONT AND BACK FULLY INDEPENDANT SUSPENSION DRIVER SEAT NEEDS RECOVERING ALL OTHER INTERIOR PARTS ARE PERFECT!!!!! SORRY i DONT HAVE A WAY TO POST PICTURES IF YOU NEED PARTS JUST CALL ME AT 6154 NINE FIVE FIVE SEVEN FIVE ZERO ANYTIME JASON

(i left that phone number in because there are way too many digits...)

the bomb-drop after you get excited about the car

2000 Volkswagen Jetta VR6
155,000 Miles
Leather Interior/ Heated Seats/ Sunroof / CD/ AM/FM /Power Everything
Looks PERFECT -- however, the engine will not turn over. Had mechanic check it out, motor needs to be replaced.

Call me if you have any questions --
Barry 615 000-0000

the read several times before you understand...

I have two wingback chairs burgandy and biege slim stripes . And I also have a sette that has burgandy,beige silky wide stripes it is so cute asking 65.00 For all three pieces 135.00.e-mail or call 615-000-0000. THANKYOU FOR LOOKING!! or 615-000-0000 on wed.s

the buy your own instant garage sale

$75.00 for five boxes stuffed with value. Great working Magnovox vhs/dvd player + remote, toaster, kitchen supplies, VHS tapes, shoes (some new), great working Dewalt drill with two batteries and charger, Altec Lansing speaker that work great, kids shoes, coats, etc... Everything is on a cart ready to roll out. This stuff will go fast. I will not split anything up. ONLY SOME OF THE STUFF IS SHOWN $75.00 obo

the...wait a second

Need "little People" Musicians, must really play. Funded project. Be able to travel, have passport or ability to get one. Fun comic/music gig. Too much to tell here... gotta keep it undercover for now. No exploitation involved. Serious inquiries only, must be over 21. Needing 1-guitarist, 1bassist, 1-drummer, 1-keyboard player (this position can be a taller person) Singing ability a big plus, quick studies needed. Need to have a team player attitude, no drugs or drunks, must have all health issues under control. This is gonna be as much fun as it is profitable for the entire team. If you are this type entertainer or know of some people please get in touch. The actual rehearsals will take place in the most convenient area to most of the members. There will be compensation during rehearsal as well

.

the many misspellings in a short space

I need fish inside or outside please tex or call me at 615-000-0000
or any aqriums and rocks ty and god bless

the jobs i would never take

Needing women that are height and weight proportionate and comfortable with being nude with and in front of other people. We are putting on an adult rated haunted house for the month of October, 4 days a week with the final week being 7 days. This is a unique opportunity and awesome potential to make a large sum of money and that will be discussed upon answering this ad.

and the just plain...weird.

Awesome real cowhide rug
full size aprox 7 1/2 ft long
Bought for well over double what I am selling it for, but I moved and ran out of rooms!
black and white print

fireflies (you can't make this up volume 12)

do you think it's because of boredom

the hit song

fascination for mating rituals in general

or an over-inflated sense of tourism

that people trek to see fireflies

do what they are created to do?

i mean...it's cool and all

but...

in gatlinburg

anything goes

(this illustrates once again why i can stomach g-burg about once every 5 years. the surrounding mountains though i can handle just about anytime...)

Smokies prepares for flashing bugs
June 02, 2010 04:03 EDT

GATLINBURG, Tenn. (AP) -- The synchronous fireflies in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park are just trying to attract each other, but they get a lot of humans as well.

To accommodate the crowds of nature lovers, National Park Service officials have made arrangements to bus in people who come to watch the insects.

From June 5 to 13, the Elkmont entrance road will be closed between 5 p.m. and midnight to all traffic except trollies and registered campers at the Elkmont campground.

Trollies will pick up firefly watchers at the Sugarlands Information Center and take them to see the fireflies, which -- as part of their mating ritual -- flash in simultaneous patterns. The Smokies website says the species is the only one in North America capable of this. The trolly ride costs $1 round trip

(news story credit: foxnews)

You Can't Make This Stuff Up: Volume 11

no one on facebook can stop talking about the rain
and there are reasons why

namely this one


it's supposed to get worse
less than a mile from my house is a walmart that is nearly submerged
people are using boats to get stuff out of their flooded houses
inSANE

You Can't Make This Stuff Up: Volume 10

remember bank robber Santa?
well
he came back
as bank robber leprechaun

so the mystery is solved
but the guy in the suit(s) is dead
big-time police shootout
killed the driver of the getaway car eventually
and the actual robber killed himself as he fled on foot
thankfully, the only casualty on the law enforcement side was the police car that got shot up

(news story here)

nashville always makes the news for odd things...
(this time we made *international* news!)
i wonder what's next?

You Can't Make This Stuff Up: Volume 9

A nudist church.

I really have no words...just...let the video speak for itself.

article and video here

You Can't Make This Stuff Up: Volume 8

A friend of mine (who co-writes this fairly awesome blog) said it best when she termed it "the Department of Weird Things Spilled on our Interstate"

cucumbers.
all over I-40
just about 30 minutes outside of Nashville, and about 15 minutes from my house

News story here...but there's not much there.

Other random things spilled on TN highways recently:
chicken nuggets
fuel (not odd, but it seems to happen a lot--most recently in January)
adhesive

and there's more, but honestly I'm a bit too lazy to search the articles.
:0)

You Can't Make This Stuff Up: Volume 7

I've heard about a lot of things being smuggled in underwear lately...most notably the attempted airline attack...

But 44 lizards?

A German man was arrested in New Zealand for attempting to get out of the country with 44 lizards in his underwear.

Let's just stop and think about that for a minute, shall we?

At what point did that seem like a good plan?! And the article seems to imply that he may have actually succeeded in this before...

Wow. Just...wow.

article here

You Can't Make This Suff Up: Volume 6

Ever wished for a little extra warmth in your hotel bed when traveling?
You know, like a giant hot water bottle?

Go to London and it's just a quick dial down to the front desk. A human bed warmer, dressed head-to-toe in a fleece sleeper suit

(pardon me just a moment. can I just have the fleece sleeper suit? kthanks)

will come up to your room, turn down the sheets, and lay in the bed for about 5 minutes before you actually get into the bed.



So in England, having a stranger in your bed might actually be a good thing?

There's scientific evidence to back it up, blah, blah...

And while I admit it would be tempting to get in a nice toasty bed

And I suppose it's the same principal as sitting in a nicely warmed chair that someone has just vacated

I just can't get past some random person seeing me *right before I go to bed*

That's not exactly my glory time, ya know?

Full article, so that you know I truly didn't make this one up. And another.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up: Volume 5

This crazy news story brought to you NOT from Nashville...

...or is he?

This British dude escaped from prison in September and is now taunting police from his facebook page. You'd think Scotland Yard would have found him by now, eh?


story at dailymail.co.uk.

C razy News in Nashville (You Can't Make This Stuff Up, Volume 4)

A bank down the road from me was robbed yesterday. By Santa. He claimed to need the money so he could pay his elves.

I wish I were kidding.
In other news, looks like a wet Christmas here, but not a white one. Par for the course!

You Can't Make This Stuff Up: Volume 3

You knew it was coming eventually!

I was sitting in the doctor's office today, waiting on DMN (Driving Miss N) to get out of her appointment. Huge cardio doctor's office, comfortable waiting area with sofas and loveseats scattered around the room. I was polite and took an armchair (a very comfy one) in a secluded spot so as to let the actual sick people and their family/friends have the more spacious seating.

One seating area was taken by a family. Another was completely empty. I was in the mid-section.

Elderly couple--at LEAST 75 comes in. Sit beside me. Go figure.

They're having a rather loud conversation that I try really hard not to eavesdrop on.

Until this gem:

"Well, if the doctor gives you a clean bill of health today, we'll have to try something sinful tonight!"

I *think* they were talking about food...

Dear Tennessee,

When you go and decide to make the news, could it not be for something like this?

MEMPHIS, TN – Memphis Mayor Myron Lowery fist-bumped the Dalai Lama as he arrived in Memphis for the National Civil Rights Museum’s “Freedom Awards.”

The Dalai Lama was greeted at Tom Lee Park by Memphis Mayor Myron Lowery and Shelby County Mayor A C Wharton Tuesday afternoon, September 22, 2009. Mayor Lowery shook hands with the Dalai Lama and then grabbed his hand and showed him how to fist-bump. Lowery then told the Dalai Lama that he, “always wanted to say ‘hello Dalai.’” Both laughed at the gesture and joke.

Later, the Dalai Lama explained – laughingly – that smacking fists is considered a sign of violence. The Dalai Lama seemed to be amused by the greeting.

The Dalai Lama is in Memphis to receive the National Civil Rights Museum’s International Freedom Award at the Peabody Hotel, Wednesday, September 23. The award is given to an individual who has had a global impact or has impacted the state of human and civil rights abroad.

Which begs the question: is the mayor of Memphis 12 years old?

Of course, politics out of Memphis usually leave the rest of the state shaking it's head.

I suppose it's better than being reminded that for the umpteenth year in a row Tennessee has made the nation's fattest list by having one of the highest populations of obese citizens...

But really? Could we try a little positive press next time? Or a slightly more normal view of our state?

Thanks much,
Lora

You Can't Make This Stuff Up...Volume 1

I often see odd sights while driving through Nashville...or hear odd things.

Case 1:
At a party on Saturday night, a friend was telling me that she has an aunt who has actually written her a letter condemning *something* she's doing (let's say it's drinking wine once in awhile). Her aunt wrote the following:

"Satan is happy with your decision."

(my friend said when she told her sister this, her sister would call her answering machine periodically and say "This is Satan...and I'm happy with you!")

{My friend, L, says that she just tells this aunt "You'll be pleasantly surprised to see me in Heaven, sipping my wine and wearing my shorts."}

My response to this story?

"Suddenly my family seems a thousand times more normal."

Case 2:
A text I sent to A earlier this evening:

I just saw the WORST sign flipper guy ever. Instead of flipping he was using the sign as an air guitar. That coupled with the white-as-he-is wanna be rapper attire...

(Seriously, this guy was probably 34ish, stocky, very white, and was dressed in this all white gangsta suit get up. Strumming on the sign as if it were a guitar. It was NOT working for him.)

Case 3:
A friend of mine from high school said to A and I at my 10 year reunion a couple of months ago:

"Greasy women make goooood food."

You can't MAKE this stuff up.

Any stories to share? I kind of expect this to be a semi-regular feature :)