you'll pardon this slight reference to LOST..

Whatever happened, happened.


Ah, Eloise.

the character who seemingly is privy to the most information
utters the most infuriatingly simple phrase
over
and over

"whatever happened, happened."

and that infuriatingly simple phrase
has become a comfort to me somehow over the last few days.

you see, i know Someone who is privy to all the information
more than i will ever know
and i've entrusted my future to Him

and through the chaos that has threatened in the last week and a half
i have remained calm
because

what happened, happened
and i can't do anything to change it
(even if i tried, i might set off another bomb)

all i can do is weigh my options for the future
and trust that One who knows all.

while i'm still not ready to divulge any specific information
please know that i'm doing ok
i really am
i have teary moments
and moments of frustration

but shame, guilt, anguish, and heartache
those have stayed away
and that's because so many of you are praying

please continue those prayers
i should find out the information tomorrow that will set me spinning off in one direction or another
and after i've processed
i'll share here.

i love you all
and i'm sorry i've been absent on your blogs
that will change

...processing...

Who Told You You Were Naked?

one of my favorite bloggers reposted this last week and I had to laugh at the timing.
if you didn't read it last week (or the first time around) it's worth the time. go ahead...i'll wait :0)

i was amazed when i read it again.
you see, the first time i read it (a year or so ago) i was convicted. on the heels of a job loss, with few prospects, i had felt my share of shame and "not good enough-ness".
it helped me put some things in perspective.
and i can honestly say that i was able to put the shame to rest.

last week, on the heels of something i could definitely feel some serious shame about
where i've made some mistakes
that could have some pretty huge ramifications
(even though it's not totally my fault...but it's my fault that i didn't check on the other party's responsibilities....eh, this isn't going to make sense until i just tell you what's going on so never mind)

and even though i told my boyfriend on the phone the night that i found out about what's going down that i felt "stupid" and like i'd failed
(and i may have mentioned that to the minister i spoke with later that night too)
the truth is, except for those initial moments
i haven't felt ashamed
or embarrassed
or alone

i've just felt loved and supported
and like things are going to work out exactly the way they are supposed to.

i guess what i'm saying is that even though i've been told i'm naked
i'm no longer ashamed


(now, if you haven't read that post i linked to you might want to. otherwise you'll get the wrong idea about the nakie thing ;)

((again, i covet and feel your prayers and thank you. only a bit longer and i'll hopefully be able to share with you what we've been praying for. it's an adventure...that is for sure!))

We Interrupt this Regular Blogging to Participate In...

The “Is that contestant on American Idol a Christian? Scorecard”

94. They sing a Carman song during the show = +2 points (Ohhh, stakes are higher here. During the show is where folks get tempted to "dial back" the God a little bit.)

To add up your score with over a 130 other ideas on this scorecard, visit stuffchristianslike.net.

(and Jon of SCL)

...the Easter promise...

because HE lives
i can face tomorrow

and tomorrow
(both literally the day and figuratively the next few days/weeks)
promises many things
fear
uncertainty
tumultuous times

some really heavy things on my heart
some really big
and hard
decisions to be made
(and made *for* me)

through the last few days
i've felt sadness
uncertainty
but through it all
calm

it's not a peace that i can claim that originates from me
believe me, when i tell you the whole story
(and i will)
you will understand

i cannot POSSIBLY be this calm
this peaceful
this resigned

it is only through Christ in me

and that is what Easter means to me this year
that because HE lives
i can face tomorrow
and every moment
every obstacle
every joy-stealer
it hurls my way

it's an old song
that we sang in my home church
every Easter
one that would sometimes make me roll my eyes
because of the repetition

funny that it's been a constant refrain in my soul all day today
(even though my church home now has never sang it that i know of)

because He lives

because HE lives.





(please keep the prayers coming. i still need them. and i can feel them...and thank you for that)

Thursday's Ten: U-Pick 10

Hey all. Coming to you late today. I'm dealing with a lot today, so I'm not really "here"...and am a bit sleep-deprived, so I didn't come up with a fantastic topic like usual (yeah right!)



You know how Panera has the "U-Pick 2" deal? I always get french onion soup and half a sandwich...

Anyway, this is your own U-Pick list. Your topic, your ideas, your blog. I'm going to list 10 random things that are on my mind, but you go with whatever. Ok? :0)

1. I have a 30 before I'm 30 list. Hopefully I'll post it while I'm still 29.
2. I had dinner at 11:45 last night. Mmmm, healthy.
3. Easter is my favorite holiday of the year, candywise at least. (Christmas is really. But Easter has Cadbury mini eggs. And jelly beans. Ahhh)
4. Laffy Taffy has the WORST jokes on their packages. Do 5 year olds work there?
5. When I get a sinus infection my ear piercings get infected. How odd is that?
6. I love shows like "The Middle" and "Parks and Recreation". They did their research on rural Indiana...
7. I could do a 5K every week of the year. It's really hard to limit when there's so many I want to do...but the cost helps me there :-)
8. I did a bracket for the NCAA this year. First year in a long time. I may have caught the basketball bug again...uh-oh
9. I'm loving the Wii. I borrowed Mario Galaxy from a friend and I'm totally addicted (actually Anthony borrowed it, asked said friend if I could borrow it too...does that mean I borrowed it from Anthony or our friend or both?)
10. I've been craving a strawberry Italian cream soda for about a week. Must.find.strawberry.syrup to make one. World Market here I come!

Can I add a bonus? The Windows 7 commercials drive.me.crazy. Could it be because I've switched over to Mac or are they really that DANG ANNOYING?!

Ok. I can't really muster up more than that today. I love you all and still need your prayers and I work through some pretty major stuff.

I need prayer

i can't and won't go into details at the moment
or maybe even in a few moments
but i need prayer
and clarity
and knowledge that everything's going to be ok

a few days ago i was praising Jehovah Jireh--my provider--on my facebook status
(and of course in my heart)
i need to HOLD ON to the promise that He IS my provider right now

please pray
please.

Nashville: 11:39 pm

boulevard of broken dreams...broken cars...broken people, broken lives
strange sights, strange sounds, strange land
creeped out drivers plod through wasteland, wantland, needland
amazed and astonished at what lies before them

blue lighting up the skies on every turn
abandoned highway where there should be plenty,
abundance of cars
sits silently in wait of the lone driver, the adventurer

she drives alone, terrified yet enthralled
heart pounding with excitement, with fear
knowing the strange silence of these nashville highways
is temporary

the dark thoughts that swirl around her mind will disappear

light will come

the hustle and bustle will return
normalcy will come
and until then

she must drive on

So...I'm 29

my 29th birthday was sunday
i'm now officially as old as i can possibly be and still check the box for "20s"

it was a good day
i received cards and a package in the mail the day before (because i suck and check the mail approximately once a week. i also had my census form in there. so it may have been 2 weeks...)

i woke up in someone else's house
no, not because i was partying the night before
i was babysitting for the dogs in anthony's family
while they were in kentucky for memorial service #2 i took care of the 5 poodles that his parents, grandparents, and two aunts own.
it was actually a blast.
adoration takes on a whole new form when there is food involved and 5 pairs of eyes are begging you to just.drop.a.noodle.

sooo, i slept in because there had been a weather radio incident at 2:48 am, followed by about 30 minutes of barking from 4 of the 5 pups who were apparently still a bit concerned
went to church
treated myself to thai food (yum) and thai tea (omgosh)
performed with the chorale that afternoon
went home to get ready
because anthony was taking me to dinner

and he came
bearing a large package
and after i opened my card
*which was hilarious and a total inside joke*
he plopped said package on my lap
it was HEAVY
and he said "open it!"
to which i did
and found a brand new
WII!

so on the next rainy day
i will be purchasing a wiifit
and shall go to town on it :)

after i opened my present
we went to dinner
at the pub
where they had placed us at the very front table
which was uber-cool

it was slammed when we got there
but by the time they stopped playing
it was just a few of us
and it was lovely

all in all
a very low key event
(but don't worry...there's a birthday celebration at the pub the weekend following Easter...and that will not be low-key)
:0)

on the right track

i'm down the 2 pounds that i gained back last week
(oops)
but yay...
and today i went for a walk/jog
(walked the whole way one direction, ran all the way back)
and went to trader joe's
(swoon)
where i spent lots of money on amazing produce
veggies (which i love)
fruits (which i'm learning to love)

small steps toward the right direction
attempting to use only the best, freshest ingredients when i cook
(except for pasta...because once in awhile that's just necessary)

what have you done lately to make you a healthier you?