so there IS a reason (or two)

i've spent much of the last few months frustrated. with myself, my body, my lack of energy or motivation to do anything at all.  

i've stayed busy, accepting babysitting jobs here and there and teaching a few piano lessons all while working 40+ hours a week. that's true. and i've attempted to make time for friends and family time in all that, but sadly have failed to do that as much as i wanted to.

and i have been tired. and i have been sick for what seems like an extreme amount over the last 10 months or so, but the last couple of months have been especially vicious.

and i've been sooooo frustrated. by being sick and tired. and being tired. and being sick.

so when a mere week after being out of work with a stomach bug that i won't detail here i woke up with a fever of 102.8 (which is pretty high for someone whose norm is 97.5) i was mad. my throat ached, but so did my whole body, and i was freezing. so i was a bit unclear whether i was dealing with strep, flu or the plague, but i knew whatever it was i was not a fan.

and i couldn't leave the bed, until my husband came home after lunch and insisted i call my doctor so that i could go there instead of a walk-in clinic.  he drove me mainly because i was in no condition to drive.

the nurse practitioner who saw me couldn't tell me exactly what was going on because both the flu and strep tests came back negative.  however, she visually diagnosed strep, put me on an antibiotic to deal with that, and told me that this was clearly a mean illness of some sort because "i've never laid eyes on you, but you look like you feel awful".

i did.

and that feeling (and fever) didn't go away for several days, and even when it did, i.was.exhausted.

anthony insisted i call the doctor, who responded "if you still feel this way on tuesday, come in for a mono test".

fast forward to tuesday and the myriad of tests they actually ran...and the following day when i got the call.

not only do i have mono that's been hanging around for an undetermined amount of time, but i also am severely anemic.

well, ok then.

lots of things cleared up with just those words. i'm not being lazy, there are actual medical reasons why i cannot bring myself to work out on a consistent basis even though i desperately want to be moving.

i often fall asleep on the couch these days is because i have reasons to be tired!

i've been taking iron for a week now, and anthony told me yesterday that he can already tell a difference. as for me?  yes, i still fall asleep on the couch once in awhile, but its for 20 minutes, not two hours. yes, i'm still exhausted, but exercising isn't out of the question. i finally am starting to get a tiny bit of "me" back, and for that i'm excited. and grateful.

i'm grateful that the tests she ran for more serious things have not materialized as anything (at least not yet--and i don't expect them to). i'm grateful that for the issues i'm dealing with there is a somewhat simple fix. i'm grateful that i have a co-teacher who is understanding that sometimes i just need to sit for a few minutes (usually with one or five children clamoring to be on my lap...and that's ok). i'm grateful that the acute antibodies weren't present in the mono test, so i CAN work...and that none of my students seem to have caught anything from me.  i'm grateful that when my job description changes in a month or so i should be back to feeling normal again. (i've been interim teaching the pre-k class since april 1, but go back to the admin team and add teaching music to all the classes in mid-august).

it could have been worse.
it could have been different.
and without a case of strep from hell, i would never have discovered that these other things were going on.

so with that said...thank God for a case of strep throat.

xoxo