prayers needed

our friends Cameron and Liz have two precious little girls.
and the youngest, Abygail, ran into the street on saturday evening and was hit by a car
she's 3 years old

and i've been obsessively watching the parent's updates, but haven't wanted to make a post about it because i didn't want to link to their facebook pages.

however, they have now created a blog
which will continually post the updates.

can you please, please take a moment
to pray for this family
this amazing little girl?

she continues to amaze the doctors
her parents give all glory to God
all thanks to the thousands of people praying

our God is HEALER, awesome in power...
these words are constant in my soul when i think of this family

please join us, if you will

here's the blog: http://prayingforabygail.wordpress.com/

thank you all

pondered in my heart

i actually wrote this post back in february of 2010
so it's over a year old


but it just hit me that i'd never shared this part of our story with you
so here it is :-)

And Mary kept all these things…and pondered them in her heart.

I must have read those words a million times.

And found a startling understanding of them just a couple of months ago.

We had our annual women’s retreat (which I love) in which we played icebreaker
games (which I HATE). The first “game” was to find people we didn’t know and
make an “appointment” to have a quick chat with them. Total time for the game
was about 20 minutes, and we had to find 12 people.

Torture.

As SOON as we were ‘released’ to find our people, I felt a hand on my arm. It
was a woman I knew by sight and her words to me were “I’ve known Anthony
since he was tiny; we need to talk.”

Gulp.

Anthony, you see, grew up here in Nashville, and is a ‘favored son’ of this
congregation. So I was a bit intimidated.

When it came time for me to meet with her, she told me an amazing story.

You see, about 3 years ago it came out in the small group that I was a member
of and loved deeply that two of the people in that group, both married, had been
having an affair with each other for the previous 2 years. We were devastated.
And it didn’t end there. Over the next few months we all felt under attack as
more and more things came out into the open: mostly sexual sins, and none of
them good news.

I was the only single member of that group.

I swore off relationships. I had purposefully surrounded myself with people
who were in strong marriages, who were Christ-focused…who had everything I
desired for myself.

If they could fail so miserably…who was I to think my own marriage would be any
different?

I went through a very dark period of about a year before I began to see the
results—good results—of all this darkness in our group coming to light. I
watched as couple after couple began rewriting their love story. And I stood
amazed and began realizing that God can heal even what we break badly.

A few months later, Anthony and I started dating.

Anyway, back to the story the woman told me.

She has a son that was in the youth group—he was a senior that year (2007).
I know him by sight and occasional hello as well—I work with the middle
schoolers, so I didn’t have a whole lot of interaction with him.

Here’s what she told me:

“Boyd overheard you a few years back saying that you were planning to start the
adoption process within a few years and become a single mother. Is that right?”

I affirmed that indeed that had been my plan. She went on

“He came home and told me about it, and he made a commitment that day to
begin praying for you—that you would reconsider and that you would meet the
man God wanted you to marry…and that you would be open to love.”

Tears were welling up in my eyes at this point.

“He’s never stopped praying for you. And he was so thrilled when you and
Anthony started dating. He feels like he may have had a little hand in that…”

Wow.

It took a few moments to sink in.
In one of my darkest moments, there was a teenage boy that I barely knew
Who barely knew himself what “love” meant
And he was praying that I would find it.

Definitely a treasure that I have kept, and ponder in my heart.

thursday's ten: national day of prayer edition

in honor of today's national day of prayeri thought i would showcase a few written-down prayers
that have sustained time and denomination
speaking a heart's cry to our God for generations

isn't it amazing?  while the words of some are much more flowery than i've ever used...it's amazing how in tune they are with where i find myself at times.




Lord, I believe in you: increase my faith.
I trust in you: strengthen my trust.
I love you: let me love you more and more.
I am sorry for my sins: deepen my sorrow.
I worship you as my first beginning.
I long for you as my last end.
I praise you as my constant helper,

 - Clement XI

- Mother Teresa

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine.

So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

let it be ratified in heaven.

Amen.

- John Wesley

Hallowed by Your name, Lord. Do whatever it takes to be holy in my life. Take your rightful place on the throne. Exalt yourself. Magnify yourself. Glorify yourself. You be Lord, and I'll be quiet.

- Max Lucado

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

-  St Patrick

Come, Lord Jesus, and abide in my heart. How grateful I am to realize that the answer to my prayer does not depend on me at all. As I quietly abide in You and let Your life flow into me, what freedom it is to know that the Father does not see my threadbare patience or insufficient trust, rather only Your patience, Lord, and Your confidence that the Father has everything in hand. In Your faith I thank You right now for a more glorious answer to my prayer than I can imagine. Amen.

 - Catherine Marshall

Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee.

 - St Augustine

May the power of your love, Lord Christ, fiery and sweet as honey, so absorb our hearts as to withdraw them from all that is under heaven. Grant that we may be ready to die for love of your love, as you died for love of our love.

- St Francis

Holy Spirit, Spirit of the Living God,
you breathe in us
on all that is inadequate and fragile,
You make living water spring even
from our hurts themselves.
And through you, the valley of tears
becomes a place of wellsprings.
So, in an inner life
with neither beginning nor end,
your continual presence
makes new freshness break through. Amen.

- Brother Roger of Taize

O God of Second Chances and new Beginnings, here I am again.

- Nancy Spiegelberg

storm

in 2007 i wrote this bit of a memory.  in 1990 my hometown was flattened by a tornado, devastated.  in my own way, i share this as a tribute to those affected by the storms all over the south this week.  may you find strength and hope that there is "another side" and you will come out stronger.

in the meantime, my prayers are with you.
as are the prayers of thousands.

i will never forget a few years after our tornado when we went on vacation to nashville (ironic) and stopped at a restaurant.  the waitress, upon finding out where we were from, immediatedly sobered up and said "petersburg...that's where that awful tornado was a few years ago, right?"
when we confirmed she told us with tears in her eyes that her family had prayed for us all.
and somehow, that meant a lot.

so i hope 5 years from now a waitress is moved to tears when she finds out where you were this week.  i hope a teacher is able to comfort your children, and a pastor is able to shine God's love into your lives.  and most of all, i hope you find out something about yourself that you would have never known otherwise.  and i hope you forget -- but not really.

It’s on Wikipedia now. An article entitled “Lower Ohio Valley Tornado Outbreak”.3 sentences that are supposed to sum up that time in my life.

“Petersburg, Indiana was the hardest hit town affected by the outbreak. It was one of two towns in Indiana that were hit by an F4 tornado. Six of the 12 people killed in Indiana were in Petersburg.”

It’s a rather simplistic answer to the questions we all asked in 1990. I was 9. Mercifully, I remember little about those weeks, months, years after the storm hit us. The images I do have in my mind are vivid though, and have not faded with time. My next door neighbor and I crouching underneath her staircase, crying and holding on to each other sure that we were going to die. Walking out of her house after the freight train had sounded and long gone, and seeing the debris that covered our yard—like snow, in June. There was wallpaper from the nursing home that was flattened—we recognized it right away.We moved slowly through the next few hours—finally getting our power back after 3 days. We couldn’t leave the house for the longest time. My father was a police officer and when we finally left the house on Sunday to go to church, he was going to drive us through the worst-hit part of town on the way back home so we could see. The roadblocks wouldn’t let us through, even with his badge, because I was in the car. When we finally were allowed to drive through downtown, weeks later, I didn’t recognize it. The historic buildings—gone. Only a very few were left standing, and those were in pretty bad shape.

Slowly, but surely, our town was rebuilt. The Red Cross was a visible presence for months. Construction became a way of life. People cried a lot, but they soon shook off the tears, got on their feet and began trying to put the pieces back together.

I watched all of this, baffled. And then I forgot.
But I never did, really.

The next year we moved closer to town and I changed elementary schools. Only--this school had been destroyed by the tornado, so the temporary school was a system of portables connected by a covered walkway. I was reminded of the Storm every day at dismissal as we stood on those walkways.

And then I went to middle school, and I forgot.
But I never did, really.

A couple of years later we began attending another church. This one was brand new—because the original building had been flattened by the tornado. Every week as I walked through the front doors I saw the sign that said “Dedicated to the glory of God, June 1991” and remembered that it was because in June of 1990 their other church collapsed.

And then I went to college, and I forgot.
But I never did, really.

Katelyn

the first time i felt the prompting to give to her i winced
not because i deemed her unworthy
but because of the fresh cigarette she had hanging from her lip
and the fact of my severe sensitivity to cigarette smoke.

i knew that the simple act of rolling down my window to buy a paper from this contributor seller
would cause me to cough for several minutes
and my eyes to water uncomfortably

yet i knew she was the one that week
to receive the money i had stashed to give to a seller
(i purposefully sow into this work
of helping the homeless earn money
so they can buy a room for the night
or save up for an apartment
or simply buy food that day...good, nurishing food)

so i rolled down my window
and handed her a few bills
saying "i actually already have a paper this month
but wanted to give you this"

she shoved a paper through my car window anyway
before i could protest
and said "no, take one!"

i don't often see the same people selling
but this scene
with this woman
has been repeated several times over the last few weeks

and it's been a joy
to drive away
(coughing ;-)
knowing that i'm sowing into one person's life
one among many

because most of the people i give a wad of cash to
i don't see again for several weeks, if ever
this woman, i've seen at least 2-3 times per week for the last month.

yesterday was a little different

as i rolled up to her normal stop
i smiled as i realized she was there

and as i rolled down my window
she snuffed her fresh cigarette on the ground
before she came over

since the light was freshly red
we chatted a bit
she apologized for being "dirty" today
but explained it was for a good reason
because she'd come straight from her brand new part-time job
where she was doing some sort of manual labor
(she told me exactly what kind...i just can't remember)

she was beaming as she told me
that she still needed to sell the papers for awhile
but once she found a second part-time job
she could be done

i told her i'd pray for her
and she lit up
and said "pray hard, please!"
and proceeded to tell me that she'd broken up with her boyfriend of 3 years
earlier that week
because she felt God was telling her that He had better things for her
and that the boyfriend was holding her back

so join me in praying for Katelyn please.
one of many
who has impacted me greatly
while i thought i was making a difference in her life

thursday's ten: st patrick's day

abbreviated today because my life this week = i.n.s.a.n.e




it's no secret that i'm fiercely proud to be Irish and German (*mostly.  some other random stuff thrown in).
it's also no secret that in both those lineages are things that i'm not thrilled about.
lots and lots of occult and pagan stuff in irish history especially

and yet, on this day i remember
that the irish are a deeply spiritual folk
(which is likely why they were so faithful in their worship even in pre-Christian ireland.
and is likely why the fighting among christians has been so strong there.
we irish are awfully stubborn
and when we think something is right it's pretty hard to tell us otherwise)

they're (we're) also a fiercely optimistic bunch.
and a resilient population as well.
(hellooo potato famine, several invasions, etc, etc, etc,)

i tend to think it's my irish side that tries looking at situations from the most positive perspective possible.
after all, it could be so.much.worse
(almost always)
and the irish...well, are quite colorful at getting that point across.

i think you'll see a bit of a glimpse of that in the following irish blessings i've collected.
some are favorites from years ago.
some are recently discovered.

i hope you enjoy...and i pray that you're blessed.

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

May the roof above us never fall in.
And may the friends gathered below it never fall out.

Christ be with me,
be after me,
be before me,
and be at my right and left hand.
May everything I do be for Christ.

May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping.

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Christ be with me
Christ before me
Christ behind me
Christ in me
Christ beneath me
Christ above me
Christ on my right
Christ on my left
Christ where I lie
Christ where I sit
Christ where I arise
Christ in the heart of every man
who thinks of me
Christ in the mouth of every man
who speaks of me
Christ in every eye that sees me
Christ in every ear that hears me
Salvation is of the Lord.

Dear Lord,
Give me a few friends
who will love me for what I am,
and keep ever burning
before my vagrant steps
the kindly light of hope...
And though I come not within sight
of the castle of my dreams,
teach me to be thankful for life,
and for time's olden memories
that are good and sweet.
And may the evening's twilight
find me gentle still.

Sleep, my babe, lie still and slumber,
All through the night
Guardian angels God will lend thee,
All through the night
Soft and drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,
Mother dear her watch is keeping,
All through the night
God is here, you'll not be lonely,
All through the night
'Tis not I who guards thee only,
All through the night
Night's dark shades will soon be over,
Still my watchful care shall hover,
God with me His watch is keeping,
All through the night

Wherever you go and whatever you do,
May the luck of the Irish be there with you.

Wishing you always...
Walls for the wind,
A roof for the rain
And tea beside the fire.
Laughter to cheer you,
Those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire   

St Patrick's story is a great one.  may i point you to a couple of my previous st patrick's day posts: the veggie tales version of his story and one of st patrick's prayers

lost

last night i found myself helping to lead worship at a midweek service

which is always a nice pick-me-up

especially when i'm leading with some of my favorite people :)

michael, my friend who lead the service, found this video on youtube and played it at the beginning of the service.

he began it with simple words on the screen:

"a guy walking the streets of new york just can't stop himself from praising"

and then the video. WOW.

there's such simplicity here. a guy walking around listening to his ipod...but there's something rising in him that's so organic, so fresh, so come up to the top, that he can't stop himself.

it made me wonder. as i looked around the room and watched people react to the video

when did they last get so lost in worship that they just couldn't stop themselves from praising?

when's the last time *I* did?

what's wrong with us if we don't lose ourselves more often?

it doesn't have to look like anything spectacular. in fact, it often doesn't.

for me, the last time it happened was monday night at a 20s/30s worship event i attend every week. at the end of the service we all went forward to pray and worship just...happened. i found myself singing at the top of my lungs--some unknown song--and not caring one bit if anyone heard me or didn't.

i've seen people take different postures of worship, use different languages to praise, and just stand and silently weep.

i'm known to lose myself in worship in my car...which doesn't always work out financially but it always brings me to a new level (seriously: go read the story. it's especially meaningful for me to remember it now with the events of the last few months...)

all of this to say...lose yourself today. or tomorrow. or sunday morning at church. or...whenever. just spend some time being so carried away by His presence that you can't.do.anything.else.

and then...would you share with me or someone? it would be a great encouragement!

(oh yeah, and here's the video--watch! conveniently located right next to my music player so you can turn it off...i SO planned that...ok, i didn't :)

sparrows

*written last friday after arriving at the cabin*

they were everywhere today.

one landed in front of me as i walked into the grocery store

pausing every few moments to turn

and look at me

inquisitively

as if he were wondering about what was going through my head

just as i was wondering what was going through his.

then as i sat in traffic, trying to just get out of town

they kept landing in front of my car

taking a moment to splash in a puddle

in the midst of heavy traffic

only flying away when the light would change and traffic

began moving.

it took a few times -- and then i got it.

i'm a sparrow too

and God is watching out for me

just like He is for them

i don't think it coincidence

that my favorite song to play on the piano

when i am stressed or at the end of whatever rope i've been clinging to

is

"His eye is on the sparrow"

oh -- i know He watches me

and that is why

through death

foreclosure

asthma

floods

and whatever else may come

(and it will)

i am ok.

Welcome, WOW Women! (and men, but women added the alliteration you see...)

Hello all! I'm being featured today at a new favorite site of mine--I discovered it about a month ago and have been so grateful to find a little niche of the blogging world that I can wholeheartedly support and love!

The site is called WOW (Words of Wisdom) and I'm today's featured BON (which sounds like a delicious candy but is actually the abbreviation for Blogger of Note). I'm so incredibly honored to be chosen for this!

I'm supposed to introduce myself. The first post I'm linking to should do a rather good job of that, but here's a quick peek!

I'm Lora, recently turned 29, living in Nashville, Tennessee. I'm a Jesus-lovin, wonderful man dating, liberal, slightly crunchy, healthful (kinda) cooking, recycling wanna-be guru, yogi, clotheshorse, fun loving, just plain loving, living in the moment, eclectic gal. I embrace my ancestry wholeheartedly and try to remember my roots--midwestern (known as a yankee down here in the south though!), German and Irish. Sláinte!

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I truly believe life is all about the journey and those you choose to share it with. And what an incredible ride I'm having! If you've been around the last couple of weeks you'll understand why I'm keeping this intro kind of short (yup, this is short for me! :0) If not, I invite you to read the posts starting March 31 or so on to now. I firmly believe that this is part of my story to share with people at large because GOD deserves the glory for the amazing things that are going on in the midst of a situation most would deem hopeless. A.m.a.z.i.n.g. things girls and guys!

Ok...so I'm literally sitting in a McDonald's parking lot for the wifi signal...and it's 11:42 pm. And my wonderful amazing boyfriend is worried sick that I'm crazy enough to do this, and I promised him I'd leave at midnight. Soooo I'm going to link you to a few posts that will give you a glimpse into who I am...and I will visit you all very soon! (I should have my internet up and running by 4pm today thank GOODNESS! I'm an addict y'all!)

"i'm just me" --all about being real
"today" --again, being real
"the one with..."--memories and laughing
"chicken fajita burgers"--recipes and other home life tips

I look forward to meeting all of you and discovering--or rediscovering--your amazing blogs!

Love to you all,

God's Formula

part two of an amazing continuing God-story

allow me to recreate a conversation that happened yesterday, between a friend of mine and me. you'll play my friend.

remember how i told you on friday that i felt like the answer, the solution, was something that no one had thought of yet?
that no one had imagined yet?
do you also remember that i told you i felt like someone in my network of churches had a property that they needed taken care of?
that somehow we would work out a mutually beneficial arrangement?
well

yesterday (saturday) morning anthony called me after i taught my first voice lesson of the day
he said
"when you come over tonight, dad has a proposition for you of a living arrangement...that could include emi"
(emi and i being separated has been the hardest part of this whole thing for me. many tears shed)
he went on to say these exact words:
"it's a scenario i had never even imagined would be a possibility"

it was at that point that i said, "um, i need to tell you something.
i told laura and meghan both last night that i felt like the solution to the problem was something none of us had thought of yet."
he got really quiet
and after a moment said
"ok, that's really freaky."

so i went on about my day, met my friend lajuana who was in town for a wedding reception--and she brought me boxes from their move, taught another lesson, and then anthony and i headed to his parents for dinner.

after everyone had cleared out from dinner and we had finished watching...whatever sport was on that night (i believe it was the twenty (20!) inning baseball game...)
anthony's dad proceeded to tell me

how his father (anthony's grandfather)
has an early form of Parkinson's as well as a dementia they are certain is Alzheimer's
anthony's grandmother is already in an assisted living facility
and while the family knows that eventually he will probably have to move there as well
they also want to honor his desire to stay in his home as long as possible

however, he's been doing some dangerous and scary things lately
which could just be stress with his wife's recent health scares and with anthony's other grandfather's sickness and death (they were friends)
or it could be his dementia worsening

there is a doctor's appointment soon
first part of may
to do some testing and analysis to see what exactly is going on

he has a caregiver
who comes to the house daily through the week
she cooks breakfast and lunch for him
and leaves him a dinner that he doesn't have to cook
(normally a sandwich)
and she takes care of his bathing, dressing, etc
he loves having her around
(she's been there for at least 2 years)
and they are even going to increase her hours a bit while they figure out exactly what's going on

so david (anthony's father)
was quick to tell me that what they really need
is someone to act as a caretaker for the house
not to keep an eye on his father necessarily
(although i would be there to know if something crazy happened in the middle of the night!)
but to keep an eye on the house
and take care of it

are you getting the picture?
someone closer to me than i would have imagined
described to me the exact scenario that i KNEW would happen
i just had no idea it would come this quickly
or from a source so close

anthony's father went on to say
that if his father has to be moved to a facility in the near future
they would still appreciate it if i would stay in the house
because with the way medicare and all that works
they can't sell the house until after both his parents pass away

he went on to say
that even if i start working full-time again
they would like me to stay
because that way they won't have to find someone else
AND i can squirrel away my money and start rebuilding what was lost to me over the last 20 months.

isn't God amazing?
on the way out to the car i looked at anthony and said
"um, i have to tell you something else
i also told laura and meghan
that i felt like someone had a property they needed taken care of..."
this literally stopped him in his tracks
as he said "you've GOT to tell mom and dad this"

well, i haven't had a chance to tell them
but i will
and i didn't want to leave you hanging :)

anthony and i went to the house yesterday
i'm going to have a great setup
where emi and i will live in the bottom half of the house
they're moving furniture out so that i can move my stuff in and feel right at home
we'll even have our own entrance next to the carport
(it's a tri-level split level)
i'll have to go upstairs to cook and stuff
but the top floor will be all his so he doesn't feel like i'm closing in on his space
i like that :)

OH, but i will have to go to the tip-top floor once in awhile
you see, there's this great deck
on top of the carport
and on that deck
i can put my patio furniture
including my chaise
so that i can sun
ahhhhhh
oh and my herb garden?
it can live there too
or under the carport
depending on how much sun the deck gets all day long

and i'll grow my vegetables too
(his grandpa is actually kind of excited about that)

all the things i was mourning the loss of
emi--restored
my garden--restored
the use of a piano--restored--it's in the portion of the house i'll be living in, and his grandpa is looking forward to it being played again :0)

i'm so thankful
for a God who asks me to be obedient
to put down the pen and paper
and stop with the formulas

because He has one in the works
that is SO much better.

(ps...david was awakened at 4 am on saturday with this idea. so it truly was an idea that had never been thought of on friday :)

Stop with the Formulas

part one of an amazing story

i was given the "word" to stop with the formulas on thursday night
friday morning i found out that i have 10 days to vacate the property, and will receive a nice sum of money if i do in that amount of time
and if i choose not to do that i'll just wait around for a sherrif's notice of eviction
clearly i'm taking the cash for keys!

but with the new information came the temptation
to start again with the formulas
and for awhile i gave in
i started on craigslist
looking at sublets, apartments and houses for rent
taking note of the prices
"for the future"

anthony texted and started helping with several pros and cons
of the many generous offers i've had of people's guest rooms and couches
then we got on the phone and started having a conversation with more and more ideas
trying to help me make sense of where to go from here
until i finally told him

STOP

i'm not supposed to be coming up with formulas, remember?
i feel like i need to be obedient to that
i need to get off craigslist
i need to not hear the pros and cons of places to go
i love and appreciate that you're thinking and problem solving
continue to do that
please
but write it down
i can't think about this until sunday
(remember that, it's important)

later in the day
i told two separate friends
that i felt like the answer to this
is one that none of us know about yet
one that no one has yet considered

i told them further
that i felt like somewhere
in my network of Christian friends
spanning several churches wide
that there was someone
somewhere
who has a property
that they need taken care of
that they will offer me a mutually beneficial arrangement
where i will live at a reduced rate
and in return be helping them with things that need to be taken care of
that they will see it as an opportunity for service
and that i can serve them in some way too

i knew that this idea was not from me
because lora is a planner
she thinks, and formulates, and comes up with solutions
everything fits nicely and neatly together

(at least that was lora before august 2008)

so for me to say
"someone has a property?"
"i'm going to be taken care of"

that's SO not me.

it HAS to be God.

...to be continued...

...here's what's going on...

I attended a small group last night for the first time with a couple of really good friends who know what's going on right now in my life.
the rest of the group members, including the leader, don't
however, we were asked to stand if we were there needing to make a decision
and i stood
they prayed
laid hands on me
and at the end the leader of the small group came, laid his hand on my head and said
"i've been given this to share with you:
you are so intelligent
but your formulas won't fix this
put down the pen and paper
stop trying to figure it out
He is your shepherd
He will rescue you from the side of this cliff
but YOU CAN'T DO IT"
(there was more than that, but i can't remember it all)

funny how timing works
i got part of my answer this morning.
not exactly what i wanted to hear
but what i've known in my heart
was the answer
for a couple of weeks now.

i'm losing my home
the one i bought at age 23
God is "releasing" me from it

foreclosure
is an ugly word
release
is not

so i choose to be released from this
i've been fighting for nearly two years
since losing my job
and it's time to stop fighting
stop working so dang hard
(no more 9 am - 1 am the next day days two or three times in a row)
because i'm worn out
and i'm giving up

the house was never mine in the first place
it was always His
and while it hurts--deeply
to let it go
it's time.

i still don't know what the next steps are
and believe me, i want to go back to the formula and try and figure it out
but i know that i know that i know
it's going to be ok.

God is SO good!

*we interrupt the recent tone of this blog to gush just a little*

tonight in the midst of all the turmoil that threatens
(even though it has not enveloped my life--i have SUCH a hedge of prayer protection)
i was invited by a good friend to go to a worship service at her church for 20s/30s

tonight was a different sort of night there
which none of us knew was going to happen
but it was SUCH a God-thing that i was there

and the speaker tonight was from Africa
grew up in a small village
the son of the witch doctor
and one night, at the age of 15
he heard an audible voice telling him to leave his village
and he did

never having heard of Jesus
only knowing the spirit world
but he went
he was obedient
he didn't even tell his family goodbye
just went to the hut of his best friend and told him he was leaving
to which the friend replied
"i will go where you go"

and they went
and just as they were going to turn back and go home
(because they didn't know where they were going)
they realized that they were hopelessly lost
they wandered for two weeks
never finding the trail
or their village

and one day they arrived at another village
where there was a man waiting underneath a certain tree
who said "i've been waiting for you.
come to my house for a meal"

you see, he had dreamed the night before
that two boys would come out of the jungle
and that he was to introduce them to Jesus

and he did
and to this day this man has never stopped following that voice

it was an amazing story
miracles happen today
he was supernaturally given the true gift of tongues--17 languages that he has never studied
(because when he studies them he can't wrap his mind around them)
that's how he was speaking to us
because God gave him English

isn't that amazing?

anyway, i went tonight with a bit of hurt in my heart
knowing that i'm being released from some things
knowing that the obedient step is to let go of some things
some really important (so i thought) things
and after tonight i realize
i'm giving up my keys
(kind of literally, actually)

you see, the man at the end of his speaking to us told us that he had had a vision before walking onto the platform tonight
he saw a clothesline
filled with keys
of all kinds
and they were for US to grab tonight
God's keys
to the amazing work He wants to do through us and in us
keys to governments, evangelism, reconciliation, peace
keys to whatever He wants us to do
and we were supposed to reach out in faith

(those of you who aren't used to quite the charismatic experience--i'm one of you. but trust me, God was telling me through this whole experience that THIS was HIM.)

and at the end
we grabbed our keys
and the man walked through our assembly
laying hands on us all
i was weeping
and laughing
all at once

because GOD IS GOOD
and He's revealing Himself
and His plan
to me in shovelfuls right now

i'm giving up my keys
but i'm receiving God's keys
and they are SO MUCH BETTER than my keys!

and i have to let go of the things that bind me
in order for Him to work

(this is getting long, i know)

before the man got up to speak, this is what i was writing
i think i was preparing for what i was about to hear:

i am to be a 24/7 house of worship and prayer
back to praying at hospitals
i am to travel
to spread His love
to pray over the places and situations i am sent to

making connections
blogging connections
prayers
amazing things
that God is DOING

..... (more of a private bit of what i feel i am being prepared for) ...

but until then
i am to travel
and spread His love

whether it's around Nashville
Tennessee
the US
or the world

you guys, literally as soon as i had written that, the speaker got up and the FIRST VERSE he shared with us was this one:

Exodus 23:20
Behold I send an angel before you to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared

and in response to that i wrote

God has prepared my way

God knows where i'm going
and He is already there!!!

be encouraged today
God knows you too
and He knows your way

i don't know what all this means for me just yet
but i feel like God is preparing me
stripping me of what i thought mattered
to reveal this big huge open door
that He has for me

and it might not be great and marvelous in the eyes of anyone else
and certainly not the world at large
but it's going to be amazing for me
because it's letting God in
in all the dark corners of my life and heart and soul
it's letting Him permeate my being
soak me all over

it's amazing, this journey, y'all...

join me, won't you?

you'll pardon this slight reference to LOST..

Whatever happened, happened.


Ah, Eloise.

the character who seemingly is privy to the most information
utters the most infuriatingly simple phrase
over
and over

"whatever happened, happened."

and that infuriatingly simple phrase
has become a comfort to me somehow over the last few days.

you see, i know Someone who is privy to all the information
more than i will ever know
and i've entrusted my future to Him

and through the chaos that has threatened in the last week and a half
i have remained calm
because

what happened, happened
and i can't do anything to change it
(even if i tried, i might set off another bomb)

all i can do is weigh my options for the future
and trust that One who knows all.

while i'm still not ready to divulge any specific information
please know that i'm doing ok
i really am
i have teary moments
and moments of frustration

but shame, guilt, anguish, and heartache
those have stayed away
and that's because so many of you are praying

please continue those prayers
i should find out the information tomorrow that will set me spinning off in one direction or another
and after i've processed
i'll share here.

i love you all
and i'm sorry i've been absent on your blogs
that will change

...processing...

Who Told You You Were Naked?

one of my favorite bloggers reposted this last week and I had to laugh at the timing.
if you didn't read it last week (or the first time around) it's worth the time. go ahead...i'll wait :0)

i was amazed when i read it again.
you see, the first time i read it (a year or so ago) i was convicted. on the heels of a job loss, with few prospects, i had felt my share of shame and "not good enough-ness".
it helped me put some things in perspective.
and i can honestly say that i was able to put the shame to rest.

last week, on the heels of something i could definitely feel some serious shame about
where i've made some mistakes
that could have some pretty huge ramifications
(even though it's not totally my fault...but it's my fault that i didn't check on the other party's responsibilities....eh, this isn't going to make sense until i just tell you what's going on so never mind)

and even though i told my boyfriend on the phone the night that i found out about what's going down that i felt "stupid" and like i'd failed
(and i may have mentioned that to the minister i spoke with later that night too)
the truth is, except for those initial moments
i haven't felt ashamed
or embarrassed
or alone

i've just felt loved and supported
and like things are going to work out exactly the way they are supposed to.

i guess what i'm saying is that even though i've been told i'm naked
i'm no longer ashamed


(now, if you haven't read that post i linked to you might want to. otherwise you'll get the wrong idea about the nakie thing ;)

((again, i covet and feel your prayers and thank you. only a bit longer and i'll hopefully be able to share with you what we've been praying for. it's an adventure...that is for sure!))

...the Easter promise...

because HE lives
i can face tomorrow

and tomorrow
(both literally the day and figuratively the next few days/weeks)
promises many things
fear
uncertainty
tumultuous times

some really heavy things on my heart
some really big
and hard
decisions to be made
(and made *for* me)

through the last few days
i've felt sadness
uncertainty
but through it all
calm

it's not a peace that i can claim that originates from me
believe me, when i tell you the whole story
(and i will)
you will understand

i cannot POSSIBLY be this calm
this peaceful
this resigned

it is only through Christ in me

and that is what Easter means to me this year
that because HE lives
i can face tomorrow
and every moment
every obstacle
every joy-stealer
it hurls my way

it's an old song
that we sang in my home church
every Easter
one that would sometimes make me roll my eyes
because of the repetition

funny that it's been a constant refrain in my soul all day today
(even though my church home now has never sang it that i know of)

because He lives

because HE lives.





(please keep the prayers coming. i still need them. and i can feel them...and thank you for that)

Thursday's Ten: U-Pick 10

Hey all. Coming to you late today. I'm dealing with a lot today, so I'm not really "here"...and am a bit sleep-deprived, so I didn't come up with a fantastic topic like usual (yeah right!)



You know how Panera has the "U-Pick 2" deal? I always get french onion soup and half a sandwich...

Anyway, this is your own U-Pick list. Your topic, your ideas, your blog. I'm going to list 10 random things that are on my mind, but you go with whatever. Ok? :0)

1. I have a 30 before I'm 30 list. Hopefully I'll post it while I'm still 29.
2. I had dinner at 11:45 last night. Mmmm, healthy.
3. Easter is my favorite holiday of the year, candywise at least. (Christmas is really. But Easter has Cadbury mini eggs. And jelly beans. Ahhh)
4. Laffy Taffy has the WORST jokes on their packages. Do 5 year olds work there?
5. When I get a sinus infection my ear piercings get infected. How odd is that?
6. I love shows like "The Middle" and "Parks and Recreation". They did their research on rural Indiana...
7. I could do a 5K every week of the year. It's really hard to limit when there's so many I want to do...but the cost helps me there :-)
8. I did a bracket for the NCAA this year. First year in a long time. I may have caught the basketball bug again...uh-oh
9. I'm loving the Wii. I borrowed Mario Galaxy from a friend and I'm totally addicted (actually Anthony borrowed it, asked said friend if I could borrow it too...does that mean I borrowed it from Anthony or our friend or both?)
10. I've been craving a strawberry Italian cream soda for about a week. Must.find.strawberry.syrup to make one. World Market here I come!

Can I add a bonus? The Windows 7 commercials drive.me.crazy. Could it be because I've switched over to Mac or are they really that DANG ANNOYING?!

Ok. I can't really muster up more than that today. I love you all and still need your prayers and I work through some pretty major stuff.

I need prayer

i can't and won't go into details at the moment
or maybe even in a few moments
but i need prayer
and clarity
and knowledge that everything's going to be ok

a few days ago i was praising Jehovah Jireh--my provider--on my facebook status
(and of course in my heart)
i need to HOLD ON to the promise that He IS my provider right now

please pray
please.

St Patrick's Prayer

May those who love us love us.

And those that don't love us,

May God turn their hearts.

And if He doesn't turn their hearts,

May he turn their ankles,

So we'll know them by their limping.

(Irish blessing)

one of my favorite days of the year is today.
last year, i linked to a favorite veggie tales rendition of the St Patrick story.
this year i link you to this site, which will give you all the history you'd like.
my ancestry is german and irish, and today is a day i spend in thanks
for the one who brought my faith to ireland
to the people who would become my family
to the green island i hope to one day visit.

it is a day where many people drink
after all, that is a common irish pastime
it is a day where i will go to the pub, sip on a pint, and listen to some great irish tunes
but i will also remember
the true importance of today

St Patrick's prayer is what i leave you with today. these are his words. may they bless you today.

I bind unto myself today
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this day to me for ever.
By power of faith, Christ's incarnation;
His baptism in the Jordan river;
His death on Cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spicèd tomb;
His riding up the heavenly way;
His coming at the day of doom;*
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power
Of the great love of the cherubim;
The sweet 'well done' in judgment hour,
The service of the seraphim,
Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,
The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,
All good deeds done unto the Lord,
And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today
The virtues of the starlit heaven,
The glorious sun's life-giving ray,
The whiteness of the moon at even,
The flashing of the lightning free,
The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
The stable earth, the deep salt sea,
Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide, His shield to ward,
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours,
Against their fierce hostility,
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart's idolatry,
Against the wizard's evil craft,
Against the death wound and the burning,
The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Can of Worms: Explode!

I know they say never to talk about religion or politics over dinner.

So no snacking as you read this, ok? And certainly don't dig into a big meal. This is gonna go south pretty quickly if you do, because I'm talking about BOTH.

I often avoid standing on soapboxes on this blog, especially political ones. Because I'm very aware that there are so many sides to every issue...and selfishly because I'm afraid I'll lose followers.

But dangit, it's MY blog and I can soapbox if I want to. I will still try to not offend anyone. :)

I'm sure if you've read closely you realize that I lean more toward the liberal side politically. In most parts of the country I'm fairly certain I'd be considered more middle of the road, slightly leaning left...but here in this red, red state I am WAY out there in most people's eyes. Like, so far left of the line I can't even SEE the line anymore. The line is a dot to me.
(bonus points for you if you get the reference!)

It's ok. I've always marched to my own beat, and I've gotten used to being the different one. (someday I'll tell you about my childhood...)

And please don't read this to mean that I'm ALWAYS liberal. That I ALWAYS vote for one party over another. I don't. I don't believe in straight ticket voting. I believe in researching the candidates and selecting the one that I truly think will do the best job, regardless if they line up on my little check box chart of things I look for in a candidate. This means I also don't choose one issue and vote based on it. A variety of issues and views are considered. Thankfully, I like politics enough to do the research...I know a lot of you are yawning right now...

Also, I think it's important to note that my close friends and loved ones are all over the political spectrum. I prefer it that way--when we discuss politics (which we do) I get a much more well-rounded discussion, and am able to truly think about what I believe and hold to be truths...and they are too. We learn, grow, and change our minds once in awhile.

Anyway...a couple of things that are bothering me.

Remember all those email groups and other wonderful (and I truly mean it) avenues that were all over the place when President Bush was in office? You know, the people who committed to pray daily, weekly, whatever...together or alone...and followed through.

I was never a part of them, and it had nothing to do with my political leanings...I just choose to pray for our nation and leaders in my own way, on my own time.

However, I never see groups like that now.
Have they disbanded now that the Presidency has changed hands?
Do they still meet and pray as fervently for our current President?
And if not, why?

I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that question...

I wrote all of the above before google searching it.
Thankfully, there seems to still be an active presidential prayer site.
And thank goodness for Max Lucado.
However, not all may have the best intentions in their prayers...
and this article was frightening.

All of that aside...the real reason for this blog rant is this article from Fox News. If you don't want to read the whole thing (it's rather...odd, actually. Kind of a conglomeration of a conversation between senators. i think. i'm not familiar with the guy who wrote it, so this may be his normal article style...but it's odd to me.) the basic story is this: in a joking manner--I think--, a Senator has publicly stated that Al Gore has a free place to stay in DC now...courtesy of global warming!

Ha.
Ha.
Ha.

And while I've heard people joke like that quite a bit, and it's sorta funny...it's also misguided.

I'm tired of people who refuse to do environmentally responsible things because it's "liberal". It's not liberal. It's responsible. I truly, TRULY believe that we as Christians have a calling to take care of our planet. And recycling, doing other green things...those are all a part of it. I don't care if you're a Libertarian, Republican, Democrat, Independent, or Polkafish. It's just what you DO.

And I'm also tired of people who refuse to believe in global warming because a Democrat who was in an administration that a lot of conservatives would like to forget ever happened is at the forefront of the awareness campaign.

Please do me a favor, blogland. If you're going to choose to believe that global warming doesn't exist, or isn't a bad thing, or isn't as severe as "they" are telling us (whoever they are)...at least research it.

I'm going to be completely honest here. I haven't researched it enough to come up with my own thoughts on how severe I really think it is. *I* need to do my research too. I'm not blindly following anything because Al Gore tells me to. I actually think he'd be the first to tell us to research it on our own anyway! But please don't blindly ignore things because you don't agree with the person on a political level either.

Here's a well-written article, in which the author freely admits her biases, from a "eh, I don't know if it's really an issue" perspective.
PBS article explaining global warning in bare-bones form (because if you're like me you get a little overwhelmed with facts and figures)

Here's the thing though, regarding the senator who invited Mr. Gore to the igloo his family fashioned "for him". IF we are to believe that global warming exists then we have to accept that certain aspects of it will lead to the crazy snowfalls we've seen in most areas of the country this winter. The term "global warming" leads people to believe that we should have hot summers and mild winters. I used to think that too...but the simple fact is that global warming doesn't really mean that at all. It means the temperature and humidity rise. And what do we need for snowfall? Temperatures under freezing (which easily happen in most of the areas of the country affected) and...um...humidity. Moisture already in the air. Which IF we believe in global warming means...we've got plenty of the humidity.

(we certainly have enough humidity to spare here in TN. year round. global warming or not.)

So, Mr Senator-who-I-will-not-name-you'll-just-have-to-read-the-article:

If you're going to flippantly say things like this? At least check the premise of the thing you're attacking. It just might make you look a bit foolish to those who know anything about the issue at all.

That is all.

Oh, but one other thing? Just to make you smile. Since I've put it all out there anyway: