thursday's ten: on love and hate, boycotting and bashing

you guys, i really really don't like to preach on this blog. i know my normal readers will know that (at least i hope so!). but i really feel passionately about this, and needed to get it out there.  forgive my grammatical and late-night-writing errors, and please read it with a measure of grace. i certainly haven't arrived and i make oh-so-many mistakes, but my prayer truly is that i make more mistakes of loving too deeply than of wounding those who so need Papa's Love.


i really don't talk about controversy MUCH here on the blog.  and really, this isn't going to delve too deeply into one.  but with recent events coming to light that have sparked a tremendous battle of words among facets of the population i really just have a few things i feel i must say.




1. i find it slightly amusing and very hypocritical for people who have opposed conservative Christians and bashed them for boycotting companies that supported gay rights to turn around and boycott a widely-known conservative Christian company for the opposite thing.


2. on the other hand, i am incredibly disappointed at the folks who are creating banners touting their support of said company SIMPLY because they now view them as a company who OPPOSES gay rights.



*slight pause for clarification. i am unashamedly a Christian, a lover of Jesus and an extreme God-follower.
but i'm not sure anyone would ever describe me as "conservative"
:-)



3. i'm not entirely sure that either side has their facts completely straight. (um. no pun intended there)


4. i'm not sure when it became an "us versus them" issue. but that.needs.to.stop.


i've read several people who say "if *they* would just stop hating"..."if *they* would just let us have our viewpoint and opinion"..."if *they*"...


i will say it as concisely as i possibly can:


we are all children of God.
there is no us. there is no them.
we are one people
even those who aren't walking in the fullness of their identity as His Kids...
(and to be honest, that's probably most of us)
we are one.


and the longer this "us and them" mentality stays around the more people we are losing because we are hung up on things that don't matter.


(and that thing that you just thought of that you think matters, if it's keeping people from knowing Jesus because His "followers" are too busy harping on it, it probably matters less than you think)


5. if one more person tells me that they wish people would "stop hating on Christians" i may just unleash a dissertation on why that is a very valid viewpoint for many people.


and that's what makes me saddest.  i've said it before: i choose love. i will always choose love, even though it's not the easiest thing to do. it is my greatest calling, and therefore i must choose it.


6. however, my most concise response to the above would be this: why on earth are you expecting "THEM" to make the first move? Christians are commanded to love. the world isn't commanded to love Christians. and the fact that many communities have experienced anything BUT love from the Christian community means that we are really REALLY failing them.


7. people need to live and let live.  or as i often tell the kids i work with: just chill for a minute, ok?


8. chick-fila makes a damn good spicy chicken deluxe sandwich.


9. some people are going to be more offended about the fact that i just used the word "damn" (twice now) than the fact that people often experience only bitterness and hatred from the Christian community.


10. it really.really.really is all about love


i've said it before.
i'll surely say it again.


this post from Jon Acuff's blog yesterday prompted me to forward it to several of my friends. THIS is what the church should look like. and until more of us get that picture, i guess you'll keep reading posts like this. :-)


as my amazing friend natasha posted yesterday: i'm going to boycott hate.


and now if you'll excuse me, i think i'll go buy a chick-fila sandwich and eat it while watching a disney blu-ray. 


(thank you for reading if you made it this far. oh, and thank you for not unfollowing me if you haven't yet. :-)

Good Friday (2012)

to be honest
this is the first year in a long time that i haven't participated in Lent in a traditional way
and really
i thought i would miss it
but i haven't


and i don't know if that's being confessional because i "should" have
or if it's just another step along this journey of faith for me


(i think it's the second)


because i'm not dissatisfied in any way
i still reflect on the meaning of this period of time
and i am oh.so.grateful today on Good Friday
that we were worth all that not good at all stuff
that Jesus endured


maybe that's the theme of Lent this year for me
i'm worth it
we're worth it
and if we're worth it,
how can i not love the other worth-it people 
even when they don't look/act/think/behave like me?


that has been my Lenten sorrow
that Christians are no longer known for love
but instead for spreading hate, bitterness, and judgement


how did we get so far away from the message?


the very nature of Good Friday
is that God so loved


that is the central message of our faith
it's love
pure and simple


so on this Good Friday
in this Holy Week
on this Easter Sunday


i will continue to be grateful
(so grateful)
and i will continue to choose love.

about that "anti-Christian" sentiment that's going around

i've seen a lot of concern lately
some from friends of mine, some from acquaintances
that there is a lot of "anti-Christian" sentiment going around


some are concerned about shows calling Christians "bitches"
some think that there are definite slants against Christianity in the media or on mainstream shows


and while that may be (somewhat) true
i just have one simple question to ask:


have we given anyone (outside our faith) a reason to be pro-Christian?


you see, i see a lot of anti-gay sentiment on those same facebook pages
or anti-anything that isn't Christian in some Christian's opinion
or anti-whatever political party you think isn't right
or anti-...you name it


i don't see a lot of Christians being "pro" anything 
(except pro-life, but i won't get into the linguistics of that one)


so why
why in the world, if we aren't standing up for social injustices
if we aren't loving on people the way we are commanded to 
if we are speaking ill of anything and everything on the planet that we think is "wrong" or "unnatural"
why on EARTH would we expect anyone to be "pro" us?!


i've been accused of being "too soft" in the past
of showing too much compassion or too much tolerance for others.
i'm sorry (actually i'm not), but i'd MUCH rather err on the side of too much mercy and grace
than be a part of the "anti-everything" movement that pervades our faith community.


i'm here to tell you, that i'll be pro whatever helps me reach the ones who are longing for hope
i'm pro-LIFE, pro abundant God-filled amazing life
i'm pro mercy


i'm pro-love


and no, i don't always get it right
but my errors (like everyone else's) are covered in grace
and if i love too much for your taste?
get used to it :-).  i'll be loving on people until i draw my last breath


because that is my calling

monday's memory: the one with valentines past

2009
dinner at a local italian place and a movie at my house

2010
afternoon concert, dinner at anthony's apartment (he cooked!) followed by video games and going to see a movie

2011 

(this somehow didn't make it on the blog...but 6 days later we got engaged, so i suppose that's why :-)

bowling, starting our marriage prep class (although we weren't engaged yet), dinner cooked by anthony and dancing in his living room. 

2012

we've already celebrated with a meal at Stoney River on saturday, and tomorrow night we are just staying in and enjoying an evening together.  our gift to each other is buying the lady and the tramp bluray.  we've definitely become fans of keeping it simple and sweet :D

what i'm loving wednesday (6.15.11)

click the pic to go to the host site!

i'm loving this new job, with children who are precious, precocious and who continually keep me on my toes.

i'm loving times spent with this wonderful guy

i'm loving spiritual community and family.  my cell group girls, pastors, and the amazing people God has surrounded me with!

i'm loving odwalla protein drinks.  nom, nom.

i'm loving the slightly cooler temperatures and rainfall this week.  i love the heat, but this is a nice little break. (and by 'break' i mean in the low 90s...)

i'm loving getting back into jewelry making lately! planning to devote some serious time to it in the next month or so :-)

i'm loving my sunroof and hammock! both allow me access to the outdoors...

i'm loving that my garden is growing, slowly but surely! (this picture is from about a week ago, and that itty bitty tomato is nearly twice as big now!)

pondered in my heart

i actually wrote this post back in february of 2010
so it's over a year old


but it just hit me that i'd never shared this part of our story with you
so here it is :-)

And Mary kept all these things…and pondered them in her heart.

I must have read those words a million times.

And found a startling understanding of them just a couple of months ago.

We had our annual women’s retreat (which I love) in which we played icebreaker
games (which I HATE). The first “game” was to find people we didn’t know and
make an “appointment” to have a quick chat with them. Total time for the game
was about 20 minutes, and we had to find 12 people.

Torture.

As SOON as we were ‘released’ to find our people, I felt a hand on my arm. It
was a woman I knew by sight and her words to me were “I’ve known Anthony
since he was tiny; we need to talk.”

Gulp.

Anthony, you see, grew up here in Nashville, and is a ‘favored son’ of this
congregation. So I was a bit intimidated.

When it came time for me to meet with her, she told me an amazing story.

You see, about 3 years ago it came out in the small group that I was a member
of and loved deeply that two of the people in that group, both married, had been
having an affair with each other for the previous 2 years. We were devastated.
And it didn’t end there. Over the next few months we all felt under attack as
more and more things came out into the open: mostly sexual sins, and none of
them good news.

I was the only single member of that group.

I swore off relationships. I had purposefully surrounded myself with people
who were in strong marriages, who were Christ-focused…who had everything I
desired for myself.

If they could fail so miserably…who was I to think my own marriage would be any
different?

I went through a very dark period of about a year before I began to see the
results—good results—of all this darkness in our group coming to light. I
watched as couple after couple began rewriting their love story. And I stood
amazed and began realizing that God can heal even what we break badly.

A few months later, Anthony and I started dating.

Anyway, back to the story the woman told me.

She has a son that was in the youth group—he was a senior that year (2007).
I know him by sight and occasional hello as well—I work with the middle
schoolers, so I didn’t have a whole lot of interaction with him.

Here’s what she told me:

“Boyd overheard you a few years back saying that you were planning to start the
adoption process within a few years and become a single mother. Is that right?”

I affirmed that indeed that had been my plan. She went on

“He came home and told me about it, and he made a commitment that day to
begin praying for you—that you would reconsider and that you would meet the
man God wanted you to marry…and that you would be open to love.”

Tears were welling up in my eyes at this point.

“He’s never stopped praying for you. And he was so thrilled when you and
Anthony started dating. He feels like he may have had a little hand in that…”

Wow.

It took a few moments to sink in.
In one of my darkest moments, there was a teenage boy that I barely knew
Who barely knew himself what “love” meant
And he was praying that I would find it.

Definitely a treasure that I have kept, and ponder in my heart.

what i'm loving wednesday .4

i'm loving this year's hockey season! our predators are currently playing the #1 team in the league, and holding our own.
i'm loving that we've selected our photographer.  she's amazing, in our price range, and (bonus!) she's actually the very first person i ever met in nashville.  i'll have to tell y'all that story sometime :-)
i'm loving my cell group girls.  such amazing spiritual insight, Godly conversations, and great taste in food (a bunch of sushi, thai, vodka pasta loving fiends!)
i'm loving the child wearing this t-shirt. i won't see him quite as often after this month (more about that later) but i have SO enjoyed these last few months with him.  and plan to babysit as often as they'll let me ;)

i'm loving the instagram app on my phone.  i was late to the party, but it's so fun to play with! (photo evidence below)

i'm loving the message that pastor alyn brought to us on monday night.  such a gentle, balanced perspective on our response as christians to the events of last weekend.  you can download it for free here (it's entitled 'justice is good.  but mercy is better'
(by the way, while you're there if you are in the nashville area or would like to be for memorial day weekend there's a link to a FREE conference as well.  it's called the MORE conference, and all you need to do is register :)  look for the tab at the top of the page)
i'm loving that we'll be having sunny days for the next few at least...seems like RAIN has been here more than anything else and i am ready for a tan!  i mean...a walk...or run...or something.
i'm loving my sweet hubby to be.  sometimes i feel like all of this wedding planning is a dream that i don't want to wake up from.  soooo happy i get to spend the rest of my life with him :)

what i'm loving wednesday .2

i'm loving that the people i nanny and babysit for often watch the same shows that i do...yay for cleaning out my dvr without even being at my house!
i'm loving snuggles with sweet children, and the fact that so many people trust me with their most prized possessions.  so.blessed.
i'm loving the WEATHER these days. (ok, except for all the crazy tornado things.)
i'm loving a couple of new (to-me) wedding websites that friends have recommended to me: greenweddingshoes.com and offbeatbride.com
i'm loving chances to get active by pushing a stoller, jumping around with a kinect, doing wiifit, or just hiking up a small mountain.
i'm loving cozy blankets and couches.
i'm loving naps in the hammock on a sunny spring afternoon.  just because i've only done it once so far doesn't mean i won't be doing it a whole lot more!
i'm loving that my fiancé made plans for us to go dancing this friday.  not necessarily his favorite thing to do, but he wants to dance with me and that makes me smile.  a lot. (of course, i'm loving him a lot too!)

what i'm loving wednesday .1

i'm finally jumping on the bandwagon of this one. i've loved reading everyone else's for so long!

 

so, here's what i'm loving today!

i'm loving that it's supposed to get upwards of 80゜ today.  hellooooo walk & tan!

i'm loving that so many of my favorite shows are on on demand.  more dvr space for me.

i'm loving kid pajamas.  you know, the zip-up footie pj's.  so.stinkin.cute.

i'm loving baileys coffee creamer. 

i'm loving my cute little car.

i'm loving the new cell group members who we got to meet last night!  spiritual community is just growing by leaps and bounds :-) (and it doesn't hurt that they all have blogs...)

i'm loving my weekly lunch making dates with natasha.  today on the menu: pasta caprese

i'm loving my amazing fiance.  which goes without saying, but i still wanted to say it :D

but i choose love

this morning i awoke
to one of my absolute least favorite things

.d.r.a.m.a.

in the form of facebook
and things being revealed in a hurtful way
someone choosing to air grievances publically
choosing to act out of anger
out of hurt
out of shame

not caring
(or perhaps caring in the wrong way)
in the moment they hit "post"
how their words would impact a pretty large group of people.

i was alerted to the situation by a text from my love
and spent the first few waking moments of my day in a state of surprise and a bit of anger

and then i paused for a moment
and remembered

i get to choose the way i react to this situation
just as the person who created the situation got to chose how they handled it
and just because i don't like their choice
doesn't mean that i have to make an equally wrong choice.

ah, what freedom.

i choose to love
i choose to remember that this person is acting out of a place of deep woundedness.
i choose to reflect on the days when i would have chosen similarly
i choose to love

does making this choice make the situation go away?
does it make that person stop feeling the hurt they so obviously are in?
does it change any of the words that were hurled out so publically?

no.
but that's ok.

i choose to love
when it's inconvenient
i choose to love
when it's unfair
i choose to love
when it has to be a deliberate decision
i choose to love
with the best of me, not the leftovers

i choose to love
whether or not i feel in the moment that you are deserving of it

i get to choose
and i choose love

it's a great day to show you my ring :)

first this weekend's wordle:

hey -- i finally have ring pictures!

my friend natasha came over last night and she has this fantastic little camera that she got for christmas...so i asked her to attempt what had been impossible for me :)

here's a few shots for you -- he did good, yes? :0)

monday's memory: the one where it's pretty fresh on my mind...

after much thought, consideration and prayer
anthony and i have come to a decision
to stop dating.



last night, we went to dinner at this fantastic gourmet burger place around the corner from his place.
(seriously gourmet, i had a lamb burger!)

while we were there, anthony mentioned that he had left his journal at church that morning.  since it was on the way back to my house, we decided to stop and get it on the way back.

then his aunt texted me to say that she was dropping our girl scout cookies off at his parents house, would we be around there tonight?  i told her we could stop by in a few minutes.  but anthony wanted to go to the church first.

so we drove up to the church and saw that there was a funeral being held upstairs.  anthony made the wise decision to park to the side a bit and walk in the side door, crossing his fingers that it was open (it was).  he walked inside.

and i waited.
and waited.
and waited.
i was occupied enough with twitter and facebook and words with friends for awhile
but then i noticed that 30 minutes had gone by

i began to get annoyed.
thinking there must be something REALLY personal in this journal
or that he had run into someone he knew and got caught up talking
but SURELY he would have texted me to let me know that had happened...
perhaps he was sick or something...
but SURELY he would have called/texted to say that

and then i got a notification from words with friends
saying that he'd made a move in our game
so i KNEW he was ok

and so i played back and in the "chat" wrote something on the order of
"you've been in there a LONG time.  what are you doing??"

no response.

s.t.e.w.i.n.g

his sister texts me, saying her mom was wondering if we were going to be there soon
i reply that i seem to have lost her brother.
i text him
i wait
i call him
(45 minutes have gone by)
i may have mentioned in my voicemail that his phone had rang several times, so i was pretty sure he was getting reception...
his sister calls me
she suggests i go look for him
i say maybe

i finally get fed up enough to emerge from the car.
and go downstairs to the teen center
now, remember that there is a FUNERAL going on upstairs.
so when i crack open the doors and see candles, i panic and close them thinking "it's a vigil area!"

so i go to the only other place i can think of
i begin knocking on the men's bathroom door
and am thisclose to opening it
when anthony emerges from the teen center
saying "you are one stubborn woman."

and of course, i'm going "what are you DOING in there?!"
he tells me to come in
and i do, still a bit upset

and then i notice his sister's flip video camera on the counter
and hear him begin making a speech
about how this is the place we met, this is the place it all began
and all of a sudden i'm not quite so angry anymore
and then he drops to one knee
and the next thing i know
i'm an engaged woman
(eeeek!)

the next few hours were spent calling and texting and hugging
(his aunt that texted me asking if we were coming to his parents?  had NO.CLUE.  she had been invited over, and just *happened* to text to see if we were coming.  her reaction may have been my favorite -- jaw dropping in slow motion upon seeing my finger.)
(his sister and roommate were in the building...hiding in one of the adjacent rooms.  they burst out after the ring was on my finger.)
(his other sister, when i walked into the house screamed "WE GET ANOTHER SISTER!!")

so yes, we've decided to stop dating
and take the next step
:)
we're hoping for a particular church and are kind of going to set a date based on availability...
and there are TONS of other details to be dealt with
although i hold to my statement i have always made
that really, i just want a pretty dress
and people we love surrounding us

(this, by the way, means our guest list is already looking huge.  gulp.)

i promise to show you better pictures of the ring
when i, um, figure out how to TAKE a better picture of the ring!
he picked it out by himself
and drove up to indiana last thursday to ask my dad's permission
(which is a total southern thing...but so incredibly sweet and charming)

i'm thrilled
(obviously)
and so excited that it's official
that i get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend :D

you know the *really* funny thing?
after all that drama...

...he still left his journal at church...

monday's memory: the one with valentine's day...

2009

2010

 

here's to 2011 and beyond

:-)

thursday's ten: about love

it's all about love here on the blog today, of COURSE :)
here's a few quotes and photos that i've collected over the last few weeks.  from the little old couple on the hammock who i hope to be someday, to the wise words of Mother Teresa, these are things that spoke to my heart.  may they also speak to you.
 

(original photo links can be found by clicking on the pictures :)

Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.

- Swedish proverb

“Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”  

- Louis de Bernieres

The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all your mistakes and weaknesses and still thinks you're completely amazing

- unknown

It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah, but what if it does.

- Peter McWilliams

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more

- Erica Jong

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts there can be no

more hurt, only more love.

- Mother Teresa