today

thursday's ten will post tomorrow (it's a giveaway edition so get ready!)


today, reflect
remember
be grateful


for what little you have
for the abundance you have
for the relationships you cherish
for the ones you long for


life is not perfect for any of us
and we on our blogs often forget to show a balanced perspective


so if today isn't ideal for you
if family gatherings are painful or nonexistent, or you simply can't go for any number of reasons


know that 
i get it
(really, i do)


but there is always
ALWAYS
something to give thanks for.


and sometimes digging to find it means you find other treasures along the way


so today, be blessed
because you already are.

things that made me smile today

(erm...yesterday? and early today?)

the drive to work--gorgeous country roads (and only 15 minutes away from my house...perfect)

upon arrival to work, hearing P yell "hi! hi! hi!" before i could even see him

(he's SO precious!)

my voice student's smile when i told her the song she's been working on is nearly performance ready

babysitting tonight for children i go to church with but don't see on a truly regular basis...and hearing the oldest (a 4 year old little girl) say "i love you miss lora" out of the blue.

modern family reruns after the kids went to bed

extra money for next week's excursion because i took this job tonight.

emi being happy to see me when i finally got home

the tomato plants i planted yesterday still standing :) -- in fact, perked up quite a bit because of the slight shower they got this evening.

so even though i left my house at 7:45 am, and i just walked in the door at 12:26 am the following day ...

i'm blessed

i truly enjoyed all 3 of my jobs today

and even though i'm wiped out

i'd do it again

(not just to earn the money)...but because right now? i get to LOVE my job.

yeah, i'm not rolling in money

i still wonder about what's in my financial future

but i love what i do

and right now

in this moment

that's where i'm supposed to be.

Year in Review

I promise this is the LAST New Year's themed thing I'll be doing until approximately 12 months from now!

First of all, last year I posted that my word of the year was BLESS.
I'm sticking with that word. It's not a word of the year; it's the word of a lifetime. I firmly believe that I was sent to this earth to bless and to be a blessing. You can read more about why I chose that word here.

So with that in mind, my word of this year will be GIVE.
I have learned over the last year and a half or so that giving does not have to be monetary. I can give my time, my talents, my service. Having been the recipient of so many wonderful things, how could I not give back?

And now, on to the mindless meme:

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
road tripped overnight with a BOY
:)
(actually like 4 times!)
consulted and invoiced large corporations, interviewed for teaching jobs and didn't get them (I have always been hired on the spot before!) and worked in the non-profit sector which I LOVE
had a high school reunion
gone to my first NFL game--several times!

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions so much as I make goals/expectations. I didn't lose the weight, but overall have a healthier lifestyle, so the weight will happen this year. I'm cool with that.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Several people. Starting with Laura (Israel), then a couple of babysitting clients: Anne (Elizabeth "Ellie") and Carolyn (Aaron), and then finally my friend Jessica (Finnegan "Finn"). I have a couple of close friends who are due in 2010 too!

Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, which is a nice break

What countries did you spend time in this year?
Just the USA

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
a full-time job with BENEFITS

What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Uh...nothing huge that I can remember. Anthony and I have made a lot of memories and have seen a ton of good times, but I don't know as any DATES are etched on my memory. Events are though: football games, road trips, anniversaries and Valentines day, girls nights, high school reunion, visits from college/high school friends...

What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
making it through without being in a complete financial pit! Even though no full-time income since August 2008...

What was your biggest failure?
I choose to see failures as learning experiences.
I guess not sticking to a weight loss plan, but even then...

Did you suffer any serious injury or illness?
swine flu? maybe?
and my back going out twice now...

What was the best thing you bought?
the Colts/Titans tickets for Indy, my iPhone or my Mac. Can't decide :)

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Anthony's...several good friends

Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?
Eh. No one really

Where did most of your money go?
bills, bills, bills, mortgage, bills, bills, clearance sales

Compared to this time last year, are you,
a)happier or sadder? about the same, and infinitely blessed
b)thinner or fatter? fatter if anything
c) richer or poorer? richer slightly in money, richer by far in experience

What did you get really, really excited about?
oh, lots of stuff

What do you wish you'd done more of?
uh...nothing? I struck a pretty good balance.

Did you fall in love in 2009?
I think that one was sewed up before 2009 :)

How many one-night stands?
Uh, none. What kind of a question is that?!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No...again, what kinda question?!

What was the best book you read?
Hmmm. The Search for God and Guinness was pretty interesting. I'll be reviewing it here within a few days.

What did you want and not get?
??

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 28. We spent it with wonderful friends, Andy and Mandy.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
nothing

Who did you miss?
LaJuana and Randy once they moved...very sad

Who was the best new person you met?
Did I meet anyone new? I guess a few people at church and co-workers at my temporary place of employment...and Laura's mom Donna...

Tell us a valuable life lesson(s) you learned in 2009
Just how amazing people can be...and how humbling it is to accept help when it's needed...

What sums up this year (a word, a quote?)
"I get by with a little help from my friends"
-John Lennon

Thursday's Ten: I Truly Believe

Hi all! Welcome to this week's edition of Thursday's Ten. Today's list is called "I Truly Believe"

you can be serious
silly
or do a combination of the two (which is what I did)
and please include pictures if you can!



1. That all coffee should be this pretty
2. That I should not see the moon on my way home from work at 4:30
3. That rain is for dancing in...and kissing in.
4. That there is healing power in cuddling a baby
5. That freshly grated cheese is MUCH better than that store packaged shredded crap
6. That men are just as attractive when they show their nurturing side...and that they ARE born with it.
7. That the Colts may just go to another Superbowl this year
8. That hearing children sing may be one of the most beautiful sounds on earth.
9. That a person (especially this person) should see the ocean at least once a year.
10. That I am blessed beyond measure.

You know the drill! Grab the button, sign MckLinky and share your list with us!

I'm Just Me

I've had at least 4 people in the last week come up to me at church or send me a message saying "I stumbled onto your blog the other day"

It's a bit disconcerting.

After all, when I'm semi-anonymous it's "safe" to write all of this stuff. And yes, my boyfriend reads this blog (hi honey!) and a handful of friends do as well, but it still seemed "safe".

And then tonight I was singing on the worship team at church, filling in for my very preggo friend Jes who just wasn't up to the task (understandably--she IS nearly ready to deliver!). And Randy, our worship minister, introduced a song that he recently wrote. It's all about dropping the facade, being authentic, and letting even the ugly parts show.

And I realized that's what I do on this blog. I'm "inside out", as the song says, and I'm just me...and that's ok.

So here I am...

a girl who was once afraid--terrified--to love
a woman that disagrees fundamentally with her current church's position on "women in the church"
one who often lets a curse word slip (sometimes even here in written form!)
who has taken a quote from her favorite Ellen/Gladys conversation to heart: "I love Jesus, but I drink a little"
who is broken and blessed, all at the same time
who, as much as she has fought against it and tried to take it back, has left a little piece of herself in a small, southern Indiana farmtown
who is madly in love with Jesus
who likes to write about her thoughts, both frivilous and semi-deep
who would love to lose the 20 or so pounds that crept on when her former ED self began to actually enjoy food
and who has determined
that this blog
will be 100%
authentically
totally
REAL

That's what you've got. And everyday I'm humbled and amazed that several of you seem to enjoy reading what I have to say. What began as a creative outlet has led me to so many friendships and opened my eyes to new worlds.

I'm grateful.

And this girl? Isn't going anywhere. So no matter if I've known you since middle school (hi Angie!), am dating you, go to church with you, have met you through an online voice somewhere, or any of the categories in between...I'm glad you're here to share this part of my journey with me. It's a bumpy road, this Life, but I'm blessed beyond measure to have people like you in my path.

God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.
- Mother Teresa

I had a moment last week.

The woman I've been staying with as a caregiver goes to a very VERY conservative church. We've had some "discussions" in the past, as I go to a church that she considers very much liberal, too much so (even though by MY standards it's very conservative and a step backwards from what I grew up in...but I digress.)

We've clashed (nicely and politely) about women's roles and worship styles. And I usually state how I feel and drop it because I figure she's not going to change her mind, but I don't want to keep silent on how I feel (for example that what's in your pants doesn't determine if you can actually be called to ministry. Yeah. Don't even get me started!).

After all, nearly 30 years separate us and she's had such rich life experiences. I'm always a little intimidated by that, and I always feel like women who are in her position would never listen to a woman like me -- never married, with no children, and in their eyes still too young to know anything.

However, we were at lunch the other day and she out of the blue said

"Lora, I'm just going to confess my sins to you."

She proceeded to tell me that she isn't a scholar of the Bible "like she should be". She reads her Bible regularly, and she loves and trusts God, but she doesn't feel like she's ever been good at studying the word, or at anything for that matter.

This actually goes on for awhile and I let her get it off her chest.

And when she is done, I simply said

"I don't think you have to be."

I went on to back up that statement by saying this:

- by going to church and Bible study you are learning from people who ARE Biblical scholars (hopefully)
- we're not all called to be scholars. Some of us have the gift of prayer, of hospitality, of caring for others.
- that whole scripture about different parts of the body? Yeah, so being a scholar isn't your strength. You're not a head. Neither am I. You're a mouth, or an arm...and that's ok!
- I think at some point you just have to let the guilt go and realize that God is pleased with you just the way He created you.

I went on to explain that I grew up in a church and environment that was very legalistic and focused on the wrong things. And that I had let it go, and began focusing on what's really important--the relationship. And as long as my focus is on that, everything else just falls into place.

She was silent at this.

We continued our meal, and the conversation organically progressed to other things. I was certain that my words had fallen upon deaf ears as I've so often thought in conversing with her.

However, about 20 minutes and 5 topics later she said:

"You know...I think you're right."

And I wanted to stand and shout right then and there. Because somehow my words helped another woman just lay down some of the guilt. And let it go.
(and maybe she doesn't think I'm such a heathen after all).

My fervent prayer is that I can continue to reach out in the small things.

Word of the Month: Connect

You know, awhile back I wrote this blog about my word of the year, which is BLESS. I am still striving daily to bless others--by the words I say, by the things I do. I can honestly tell you that I've received even more blessings personally by being more aware of what I can do to bless others.

So I've decided that to really take this seriously and to a new level, I'll focus on a different way of blessing others--and my Lord and Savior--each month. So every month will have it's own word, relating back to BLESS. I chose to do it monthly rather than weekly, because let's face it--life gets busy. I want each focus to be given the amount of time and attention it deserves.

This month the word and focus is connect. Here's how it's going to look:

I will be connecting with my Creator each week at church. I will try to be more focused on my worship, more attentive to the words my pastor and other church leaders give, and more focused on the students in my youth lifegroup that I help to mentor.

I will also connect with my best girlfriends here in town by calling, texting and making a concentrated effort to get together if not every week, every other. It's so easy for us to say "we'll get together soon" because we know we can--but we need each other. That's why we're friends :0)

I will call or send a personal email to my beloved friends who don't live nearby at least once this month, to let them know that I still love them and still value the connection we share.

I will be sure that my boyfriend knows how much I value him and his impact in my life by making sure that we have real conversations--the kind that truly connect us--even during our chats that seem relatively mundane. I will also let him know how appreciated he is in my life. This should be a good month to focus on that--not only is Valentine's Day in a little over a week, but we also celebrate 6 months later on in the month!

I'll make sure to keep connecting with those friends that I hang out with often--the ones I play rock band with, the ones with whom we break bread with, the ones who ask how things are going and genuinely mean it, and the ones who I'm just getting to know and love.

And for those who I call "friend" who don't see or hear from me often even though we live in the same city...I will try to do better at deepening our connection. I'll return the phone calls, send an email to let them know I'm thinking of them, and try to hang out more.

You know, it all sounds SO simple when I write it out. And once the habit is there, I think the actual practice will be pretty simple too--and rewarding beyond measure.

My Word of the Year

My blogging friend Amber posted her word of the year, which is Honesty. I read her post and was inspired to do the same. I picked my word of the year in an instant. It was Trust. I thought it was a very appropriate word for me. After all, I have always had issues with trust. Whether it's God or myself, friends or romantic interests, I seem to never be able to trust. To be honest though, over the last two or three years, as I've gone further into recovery successfully, I've successfully trusted in a lot of things and people. So I chose the word simply to remind myself that trust is important to me day-by-day...that I'm going to have to trust that even though things are in a bit of turmoil at the moment it really work out ok.

However, as I went to reply to Amber's blog another word literally popped in front of me. I was asked to verify my comment by typing in the word bless. There it was in bold red letters. And I knew that as much as I do need to trust and to focus on other things this year...my calling is to bless.

So, here's how Merriam-Webster online defines it:

Main Entry:
bless
Pronunciation:
\ˈbles\
Function:
transitive verb
Inflected Form(s):
blessed \ˈblest\ also blest \ˈblest\ ; bless·ing
Etymology:
Middle English, from Old English blētsian, from blōd blood; from the use of blood in consecration
Date:
before 12th century
1: to hallow or consecrate by religious rite or word
2: to hallow with the sign of the cross
3: to invoke divine care for —used in the phrase bless you to wish good health especially to one who has just sneezed
4 a: praise , glorify b: to speak well of : approve
5: to confer prosperity or happiness upon
6archaic : protect , preserve
7: endow , favor

Ok. So, I can't really do #1 since I'm not a priest or pastor. I do the sign of the cross on occasion, but I don't think that's what I'm going for. I am guilty of using the "southern" version of "bless your heart" more often than not, I'm not really a protector, and I don't have the ability to endow or favor anyone with...anything. So I think it's those middle definitions that are going to be applicable to my life this year.

First of all, to praise and glorify. Who better to praise and glorify than God Himself? And I will strive each day, each moment to do that. I will fall short, of course. But there is no shame in being more aware of this, of truly doing everything I can to honor His name.

Next, to confer prosperity and happiness upon. I am to bless others by my presence. Making people happy is not the goal here for me. Helping them find joy, on the other hand, is. There is such a difference between the state of happiness and the life of joy. And my role this year is to be a blessing in someone's life. To remind them of the joy that exists in the everyday moments. Hopefully it will be more than one somebody...but I will trust that the right people will be brought into my life.