Friday, April 16, 2010

...here's what's going on...

I attended a small group last night for the first time with a couple of really good friends who know what's going on right now in my life.
the rest of the group members, including the leader, don't
however, we were asked to stand if we were there needing to make a decision
and i stood
they prayed
laid hands on me
and at the end the leader of the small group came, laid his hand on my head and said
"i've been given this to share with you:
you are so intelligent
but your formulas won't fix this
put down the pen and paper
stop trying to figure it out
He is your shepherd
He will rescue you from the side of this cliff
but YOU CAN'T DO IT"
(there was more than that, but i can't remember it all)

funny how timing works
i got part of my answer this morning.
not exactly what i wanted to hear
but what i've known in my heart
was the answer
for a couple of weeks now.

i'm losing my home
the one i bought at age 23
God is "releasing" me from it

foreclosure
is an ugly word
release
is not

so i choose to be released from this
i've been fighting for nearly two years
since losing my job
and it's time to stop fighting
stop working so dang hard
(no more 9 am - 1 am the next day days two or three times in a row)
because i'm worn out
and i'm giving up

the house was never mine in the first place
it was always His
and while it hurts--deeply
to let it go
it's time.

i still don't know what the next steps are
and believe me, i want to go back to the formula and try and figure it out
but i know that i know that i know
it's going to be ok.


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7 comments:

Brooke said...

i'm crying right now for you. partly because i'm a moody, weepy kinda person. but partly this has to be difficult.

it makes me remember the discussion i had with the person who's home jay and i purchased. how odd is it that we ended up knowing the person who was foreclosed upon? we didn't learn about it until after we'd fallen in love with the house.

i was worried that it would be awkward, but he looked me in the eye, told me how much of himself he'd poured into the house, then told me he was glad we were getting it. God was taking hurt in his life and using it to be a blessing to others.

I have no clue what God has in store for you. I just know that He is a God that loves you. He wants what's best for you - even if we never (on this earth at least) understand what that means.

*hugs*

sorry for the long comment. your blog just touched my heart and when that happens i have a problem shutting my trap.

HappyascanB said...

Oh, Lora, I am so sorry to hear about your home. I can't imagine how hard this all must be. But I'm so thankful God spoke to you in such a big way last night. I do hope you are able to let go and let God. Literally. Keep your chin up and keep the faith, sister! God is good. ALL the time.

Amanda said...

I don't peek out of my google reader often enough, but I just wanted to say thank you for this. As I was reading it, it was like God whispered to me, "I'm trying to release you of some things that you're holding onto too tightly. You know that it's all under my control, right? To do with as I please?" Bam. So, thanks for sharing :)

Magda said...

I'm so sorry!!!!

Erin said...

You are so brave for sharing what's been going on with you. Financial issues often make us want to hide behind feelings of anxiety and fear. I think that you just stepped out from behind the fear and anxiety and essentially told the devil that he can't bother you with it anymore.

I am sorry for you loss but I think that God has great plans for you and your future...think? He promised that He does!! You can stand on that!

Looking ahead and looking to Him with you,
Erin

k80 @ onegirlsjourney said...

Lora
Thanks for sharing that...I can't imagine how really hard this must be for you! But I love what God spoke to you and that truly resonates with so many of us. I too am a 'figure-outer' and it kills me often. I have not mastered it, not even close - but letting go and letting him be Shepherd AND Rescuer is a great place once to be, once we resolve ourselves to it.

You will be in my prayers, girlie!

Debbie said...

Oh Lora, I am so deeply sorry for you losing your home. You are such a dear, kind, sweet person and I hope things do even out for you very soon. Bad things should NOT happen to a person as nice as you:)