hey, it's ok tuesday

one of my favorite bloggers, amber, has been doing this for awhile and today i'm joining her!

hey, it's ok

... to still type in www.cingular.com when going to pay your at&t bill, simply because you liked cingular better

(and it still works, so other people must think it's ok too)

... to sleep in on tuesday because you were up for 20 hours on monday

(that's more than ok.  that's *necessary*!)

... to cry on a fairly regular basis while watching ellen

... to be focused on getting your living area clutter free for the sole reason that you want to put a Christmas tree up stat

(and by "stat" i mean the day after thanksgiving, of course)

... to pretty much subsist on a diet of soups and other hot foods for the next 3 months

... to absolutely HATE the fall back time change.  

(seriously, these are the saddest months of my life. getting dark between 4 and 5 is just NOT ok)

... to literally roll out of bed and go to work in yoga pants and a tank top/sweatshirt most days, especially if you change into "real" clothing and put on makeup before you actually see anyone except the 15 month old and his parents -- who are good friends of yours anyway.  

(are you telling me you'd do anything different if you had to be at work at 6 am?!)

... to really, really, really miss having a bathtub instead of just a shower stall.  and to really, really, be considering posting a facebook status about trading an hour of free babysitting for an hour of tub time.

... to have loved the oprah show (which you never watch) with the sound of music cast reunion SO much that you're trying to figure out how to get a dvd copy of it since you watched it on someone else's tivo

Monday's Memory: the one where a relative actually comes to nashville!

for whatever reason, i normally end up visiting my family in their place of residence

instead of them coming here

this is for a two-fold reason

i love to travel, first of all

and their lives seem infinitely busy

(my parents have the 3rd reason of me not necessarily wanting them to make the drive more than necessary)

but once in awhile

someone actually comes here

and i love it :0)

way back in 2006, my brother's ex wife

who will always and forever be my sister in law

(my family)

called me to tell me that she was bringing a group of students to nashville

for a convention

at the time i lived right between the hotel they were staying in

and the hotel they were conventioning in

so it just made sense

that i take off work a couple of days

and play tour guide

and just hang out

it was a great time

and yes, in the picture above we are standing in a graveyard

an old, historic and cool one

(her kids had quite a fascination...they made us pull over for pictures and exploration)

her divorce was only a few months old

and i was grateful

to be able to spend some extra time with her

perhaps i should let my family come here more often :-)

Sunday's Song: I love Your Presence

one of my absolute favorite worship songs

this version from bethel church in california

(a church i hope to visit one of these days...)

and the words are so simple:

in the glory of Your Presence

i find rest for my soul

in the depths of Your Love

i find peace, makes me whole

i love, i love, i love Your Presence

i love, i love, i love Your Presence

i love, i love, i love You Jesus

i love, i love, i love Your Presence

It's a great day to sleep in

and sleep in i shall

sure there's homecoming at my university right.down.the.road

and earlier in the week i thought i would go

but honestly?

i'm tired.

and i don't know anyone who's going anyway.

eh.

i'm loving this week's wordle

after sleeping in -- coupon shopping time!

yep, i have a plan for some cvs deals...and some kroger shopping as well.  saving lots of money while spending very little?  sounds like perfection to me :)

Fitness Friday: and the case for exercise gets stronger

in searching for inspiration for this week's fitness friday i ran across this cnn.com blog that gave me just that -- and just in time for colder weather and cold and flu season!

i've written before how studies have shown that exercise can help counteract lost sleep

and we all know it helps maintain/lose weight

but studies are now showing it might, just might

boost that immune system!

while the studies admit that people who exercise may just have a healthier lifestyle overall

(duh)

it also concludes that virus-fighting white blood cells are boosted with exercise

by my count that's several points for regular exercise

and not too many for snuggling in on the couch

(sigh)

:-)

Thursday's Ten: to be a kid again

when's the last time you just acted like a kid?  sometimes we take ourselves waaay too seriously, you know?  so here's my little list for you today.

1.  go swing on the swings at a local playground, or play on the slides

2.  play tag.  or hide and seek.  or flashlight tag (the best of both!)

3.  dance in the rain

4.  actually PLAY with children -- yours if you are blessed with them...and if you're now, i'm certain you can find a parent who will gladly loan you a child or two for a few hours ;-)

5.  eat candy.  not a lot, but remember how you used to love ________ as a kid?  go have some!

6.  have a popsicle.  it'll bring back a rush of memories.

7.  read children's books.  sometimes there are truths in there that span the ages...and sometime they are just plain fun.

8.  use FUN dishes and silverware.  a touch of whimsy in your kitchen or other home decor is nice

9.  keep a few stuffed animals tucked away -- or use them in decor as well

10.  go to events at children's places that are meant for adults :)

(see, there IS a point for this post)

last week anthony and i went to the adventure science center for the "way late play date"

it's a 21 and up event, and yes there are 21 and up beverages served

(2 free drink tickets per person)

we played around with several exhibits

although we spent most of our time in the planetarium

once for a demo of the stars and stuff

and again for a separately ticketed laser show of U2 music

(i was *thrilled*)

pics you say?

here ya go

(all taken with my phone, so sorry they aren't crazy good quality)

 blurry pics of our entrance

 anthony makes a tornado

 we thought this was a green screen until we walked in front.  colors changed as we moved.  pretty fun.

 haven't played with one of these since middle school! 

 the heat thermal screens were way cool

 pretending to pick each other's noses because we're dorks

 we played this weird game

 and neither of us won. some random person came and joined and then left so we never saw our scores.

boo.

 we did giggle at this poster

 not the greatest shot, but you CAN see the skyline from the planetarium wing and it's uber-cool

so my point?  go have FUN today!

somebody forgot to tell me that it's apparently a monday

this morning began as most wednesdays do

with my alarm going off shortly after 5

unfortunately, it did little to rouse me out of bed

so i lay there for awhile, enjoying my warm bed

(i bought organic sheets on sale not too long ago and they are so.incredibly.comfy)

and i started hearing this strange noise upstairs

and just assumed that it was anthony's grandpa, although it was WAY too early for him to be stirring

and somehow in this meantime

i fell back asleep

sooo, i woke up (again) about the time i should be leaving

and *may* have said an inappropriate word

as i ran to the bathroom to brush my hair and throw on some clothing

and realized that i was still hearing that strange noise...

and THEN realized that i hadn't seen emi yet

which was odd

and as THAT sunk in, the word that i *may* have said earlier *may* have slipped again

as i ran up the stairs in only my undies

to let her back in

(that strange noise was her attempting to open the door -- i was hearing her paw scrape the underside of the door to the downstairs)

it was a pitiful "meow" that met me

and i felt soooo bad

(although, she'd been up there for less than 6 hours...but still)

so of course as soon as i got dressed i had to go upstairs to make sure she hadn't made any...messes...upstairs

thankfully, i didn't see anything out of the ordinary

(although i had to search in low light on tiptoe...)

and after all that, i thought

"well, maybe she won't be so sneaky about coming upstairs with me now!"

because i distinctly remember her coming upstairs with me last night

and i made sure (as i always do) that she headed back down the stairs before me

but i turned my back for a couple of seconds to put something in the dishwasher

sneaky, sneaky girl

sigh

after calling finn's mom (my friend jes) to let her know the craziness of the morning

i was on my way

waaaay late

i arrived and finn was still sleeping

(a miracle in itself)

and when he finally awoke an hour later

i went to get him out of his bed

he was excited to see me

smiling and clapping

i picked him up

and snuggled him close...

...only to realize that his wet diaper 

had completely soaked through his pj's

and now onto my clothing

something tells me i'll be heading home for a wardrobe change later on...

all this before 8 am

wonder what other craziness is in store today?

i'd better get more coffee.

journey

“It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace…God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through”

- Francis Chan

bear with me

this is a post that's been knocking around in my head for quite a few days.

you would think that because of that...it would be all smooth and polished.

but it's not.  and i have to believe that i am supposed to write it all out here, in it's raw and unadulterated form.

i've sometimes grown weary of well-meaning people saying to me

"well, God has a plan for your future"

when i fully know that

but i believe that God also has a plan for my right now

as i stated, i know they mean well

but it makes me sad to think

that they think

i've been somehow lost and abandoned in all this

unemployment hasn't done that...nor has foreclosure

and i pray that their spiritual eyes will be open 

to the fingerprints of God that are all.over.everything in my life

you see, the journey to get where i am today began well over 3 years ago.  

God was in the midst of amazingly delivering me from eating disorders

and i was feeling a holy (and i purposefully use that word) discontent

knowing that i loved teaching, i loved my students

but for some reason

i was uneasy staying in the classroom

and so i began to pursue other options

i very clearly heard God saying to do this

and i very clearly knew that the family i eventually left the classroom to work for

(the ones who turned around less than a year later

and fired me

with no good reason)

was exactly where i was supposed to go

could i have had any idea of the path i was stepping onto?

no

and i don't necessarily believe that God ordained the family to go psycho randomly let me go

i believe that there was free will involved

and that free will led them to these decisions

but i do believe

that God sometimes gives prophetic words

to people who don't even believe in prophetic words

(to borrow a phrase from one of my favorite pastors, alyn: He's Jehovah Sneaky)

i remember a friend of mine

who most definitely does not go to a church that believes that God is actively speaking to His people

although they wholeheartedly believe in the love and grace of our God

told me that upon hearing of my situation

of being fired suddenly, of the ridiculous nature of the way i was released from that position

all she could think about 

was the verse about joseph

"they meant it for evil but God meant it for good"

(it's genesis 50.20.  in the NLT it's: you intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.)

i remember taking ahold of that verse

and claiming it

not realizing *literally* until this moment as i sit here typing this

that it was actually a prophetic word over me

that God gifted a woman who may not even acknowledge the reality of that gifting

the exact words i would need for the next 2 years

if i had known the crazy and tumultuous at times path the decision to leave the classroom would lead me on

would i have left?

would i have been obedient?

i have no idea

but i hope so.

because of losing my job at the time i did, i was able to step in and work with a family for a few months who have a child with severe behavioral issues.  those mornings with him were some of the most trying of my life.  i had to keep my cool, use techniques for keeping myself and him safe, and...probably the hardest thing of all, pass the neighborhood where i knew the little girl i had loved for over a year was being cared for by someone else.  and yet, i grew.  i maintained patience, learned new coping techniques, and knew that for that moment i was exactly where i was supposed to be.

once the family had found a permanent solution that better fit their family's needs, one of my friends told me that her boss's wife was very ill and they were looking for someone to act as a caregiver during the day.  meeting that family opened up opportunities for me to serve -- taking her to doctor's appointments, and as she regained her strength to lunches and hair appointments and her weekly Bible study.  "driving mrs n" was sometimes a stretch for me...because she was from a very conservative church and i'm fairly certain she thought i was WAY too liberal...but we kind of fell in love with each other.  and i'll never forget the conversation we had one day that confirmed to me that i was exactly where i was supposed to be.

during my time with mrs n, i also contracted with a company to write educational training materials and presentations.  this was purely because of a contact i had from a small group at my church that i babysat for.  i relished the moments of doing something a bit more professional, and i especially relished that i was able to do these things from my office with the window open and a glass of iced tea beside me.  technically i still have the ability to contract with the company, although they haven't used me for a project for about a year...but i'm not worried.  it'll come when it's supposed to :)

as mrs n gained more and more strength and the time i spent with her became more scarce, a friend called me one day to tell me that her office was looking for someone to do data entry "for a few weeks".  those few weeks stretched into a few months, and i felt like i was doing something with purpose.  entering data was quite fun for me...and the fact that i was working in an office that relocated refugees made it so meaningful to me.  i was so sad to see that chapter close, but i had always known it would be temporary...so even though it had been exactly where i was supposed to be it was time to move on.

so, though i had begun teaching a couple of private voice and piano lessons at a studio on music row (also because a friend had recommended me), i found myself with just a couple of lessons a week and a few babysitting jobs here and there.

and this began the first real "break" in the action.  this was the first time in over a year that i hadn't had some sort of regular (if short-lived) income.  of course, shortly after we buried anthony's grandfather...and VERY shortly after that we found out that i had lost my house.  after crying, packing and moving, i realized that an offer i had from some friends to nanny for them beginning in august was now more feasible.  i had told them i'd think about it, because the amount they were able to pay was barely enough to cover my mortgage...and definitely not enough for all my other bills.  well...now i didn't have a mortgage to pay, and the other bills had significantly decreased as well.  after prayer and revelation i realized that i knew (starting in august) exactly where i needed to be.

and then anthony's aunt told me of a friend of hers who needed someone to watch her two children for a couple of months in the summer.  i met them, loved them, and truly enjoyed every moment spent with the family.  i have an incredible thank-you card from them that hangs on my prayer and praise board that serves to remind me that this summer i was exactly where i needed to be.

not a single one of these jobs did i interview for

not a single one of them ended on anything less than positive terms

they were all meant to be temporary

and they've kept me moving

forward and upward

and in the meantime...i had room for a friend and her baby to crash for awhile

i was able to host friends coming through town

and although i don't have as much freedom to offer beds for long periods of time

i can offer a couch...and my heart is still open

and in the meantime...i had time

to help friends pack up and move

to hold babies

to love on God's people

i've had the gift of time

and i hope i've used it well

in the meantime i've rediscovered

that God has been speaking to me all along

and i've found a community of faith where i've been able to explore that

and receive it as the gift it is

i've found spiritual family

not separate from the one i already had

but in addition to

and it's been amazing 

to grow and change and truly realize His giftings and operatings in my life

i have no doubt

that all this time

i've been exactly where i was supposed to be.

the coming months will be interesting

as we are talking more about our future

about how things are changing

and about where God is calling us

and though it frustrates me at moments to not know the answers to those questions

i have to laugh at myself

when i remember all that has transpired since i packed up that classroom

what a journey i've been on

what i've been asked to give up, lay down, and pick up instead

i have no doubt that my journey will lead me back into a classroom someday

but i wouldn't trade these last few years

for anything

you wanna talk life experience?

God has given it to me in crazy abundance.

and i'm certain

that i will remain exactly where i'm supposed to be

even if the "where" keeps changing

because the Who

will never change.

 

Monday's Memory: the one with the putt-putt golf

once upon a time
there was a girl who volunteered with middle school kids at her church
and after a couple of years of doing this
2 people in her group moved out
and room was made for more to move in.

one of the people who came in was a woman named lajuana

and she was greatly excited about this, because lajauna was one of her closest friends

 
another person who appeared in this team of volunteers was a guy named anthony

 

and though no sparks flew between them at first

(after all, there was this age difference…

and she wasn’t looking to date anyone, nor was he)

a friendship began to develop 

one of her first memories of this friendship

is this day 

 

when then took their kids to a putt-putt golf course

(and 3 kids showed up)

there was fun, laughter and general silliness to be had

and we think the kids had a good time too.

if anthony is asked about that day, i'm sure he will recall that he won by a landslide

 (his words, not mine)

but i remember that he emee'ed every hole

made us all giggle

painstakingly added up the scores

and told us -- in front of the kids -- that "scotch" was his favorite drink

(it's not)

maybe it's not exactly a fairy tale beginning
but i'd rather have mine.