Friday, January 8, 2010

Keep Your Friends Close

and your frenemies closer.

Is it just a female phenomenon--the frenemy?
Do you have one?
I'm beginning to think I do.

I do know her in real life, although I don't know her well. And quite frankly I don't care to. The snippy comments she's posted on facebook and her blog make me realize that I have no interest in actually being friends with her. If they were the exception that would be one thing, but it seems that they are the norm.

I tried for a long time, I really did. Commenting on statuses and blogs and truly trying to weigh in with good stuff. On the surface it seems like we should be great friends--several things in common and I do occasionally find her funny or entertaining. But the vast majority of the time, I'm simply annoyed by her.

I find her snobbish, condescending, and alienating. And though most of the time I can't stand her...I sometimes wonder if I'm giving her a fair chance (in my head) and start to feel guilty.

And then I remember.
that I've truly tried to be a friend.
or at least friendly.
both in person and online.
and as long as I continue to be friendly... it's ok.


maybe one of these days she'll come around...

(I'm sooooo not used to not being liked...and I get the distinct impression that she doesn't like me...and I think that's what bothers me more than anything!)



Persis said...

i can completely relate to this post. i myself have frenime too. she's a frnd living in london and i can't stand her facebook statuses...they're all about getting drunk, going to salon, partying and getting drunk some more. i feel she's just a big wanna be who would gladly abandon her son and hubby just to be with the "in" crowd...

she thinks of me a friend and shows interest in meeting up everytime she's here...but to me she's just a selfish and irresponsible lady with a drinking problem.

thanks for sharing this post...its nice to know that i'm not the only one who harbours such feelings for her so called friend. =)

Lindsay said...

I had two frenemies that I finally cut ties with just over a year ago. It really upset me for a long time, because I honestly believe that I was doing everything to be a good and genuine friend. It was stressing me out so much and I just didn't understand why they would often say snarky or hurtful comments and then laugh like it was nothing.

I do have to say, that since I no longer associate with them, things have been nice. It definitely makes you appreciate all of the other amazing friendships that surround you :) Life's too short to let toxic friendships bring you down.

Mrs Gloves said...

I wrote a similar post a few months back (and even used the same picture!). It feels so good to let go of drama!

...stopping by from SITS...

Steph @ Stick It in the Fridge

Brooke said...

that sucks. you've gave it your best shot. i hate when that happens because it makes me 2nd guess ME. when i have plenty of friends which means its really about HER!

HappyascanB said...

Okay, are you sure you didn't just crawl into my brain and write this?!?!? I definitely have a frenemy. I've thought she was an enemy for going on 13 years now (I know, let it go, B). Funny thing happened this week, though: she messaged me via fb asking for the scoop on another girl's pregnancy wanting to know if she was, in fact, divorced and who was the daddy, etc. I laughed out loud when I read the message b/c hello? I see you every Sunday at church and you haven't spoken to me in 13 years. . . .

I definitely need to let. it. go.

Holly Noelle @ Domestic Dork said...

I have an online frenemy I guess. But usually when I find someone to be a toxic part of my life I drop 'em.

Bethany said...

Hmmm, talking about me, are ya? ;) It definitely was a time for blog venting apparently. I'm glad we can both get it out. I'm on a three day weekend now and I won't have to deal with my "frenemy" for another week because she's in sunny AZ haha!!! I feel bad though, like I need to change my attitude towards her, you know? I'm trying!!!! (but you wouldn't know it lately yikes!)

Jill said...

Ooo! I 'had' one of those too!!! When she started sending my man emails, thats when she became a 'had' friend! lol
Needless to say we don't speak anymore!

Christiana said...

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, although I can't understand how you of all people could have one! You're such a sweet, genuine person. :o)