dear...

dear friends,

i know you're just trying to be helpful, but could you check on snopes before sending alarmist emails that have already been proven false time and time again? my cell phone number won't be public, our President is not a terrorist or the antichrist (you should read this one just for the last couple of lines which made me laugh), and i am tired of being warned that there's going to be a murderer in my backseat every time i stop to get gas.

signed,
SO not worth your time or mine

dear fly

i'm not really sure why you insist on only appearing when i lay down on the couch to take a nap, and why you think it fun to land on my cheek/nose/ear. i only got 4 hours of sleep last night because i couldn't.fall.asleep. so back off.

signed,
grouchy

dear emi,

i promise i'll let you play outside in the next couple of days. i feel bad that you keep looking longingly out the windows and door.

signed,
sorry about that

dear body,

could you get used to this new sleep pattern soon please? i'd really appreciate it. but thanks for losing a couple more pounds

signed,
if i have to choose i'll keep the weight loss