lessons from songs: that place you thought you'd be

on one of the cds i asked for (and received) on christmas, the ditty bops cheerfully sing about being
"in between the place you thought you'd be
and where you are"

might i just suggest that actually BEING in the in between spot they sing about
is not quite as cheerful as they make it?

because...the times i've felt that i'm not where i *thought* i would be
the moments i dwell on where i am in life
and compare it to where my expectations had placed me
the former loses.
every time.

but does that have to be the case?
after all, life experiences would be so few
if i was where i thought i would be.

i laugh at my younger self sometimes
when i think that at the age of 18, i thought by now
i'd be married with a couple of kids
and then at the age of 25
i was positive i would never marry and would just adopt
two very small examples of where i thought i'd be
and where i am
(by the way, where i am is SO much better than either of those scenarios)

but there are the other things
by now i thought i'd have lived in my house for almost 8 years
where i actually am is in a spot of ruined credit and a foreclosure to put the cherry on top
by now i thought i'd have landed a job back in the classroom
where i am is completely loving what i do
but without health insurance of any kind (which means that going on birth control in a few months is gonna be tricky...)

however
(and there's always one of those, right?)
i am so thankful for where i am!

some of it has been kicking and screaming
but most of it hasn't
especially once i learned
that my decisions
aren't going to screw up God's plan

they may screw up MINE
but mine isn't the one that ultimately matters, right?

might i (gently) remind you
that if you're not where you thought you should be
it may be because of choices you've made?


here's the thing i'm learning
slowly but surely

i am in the place i thought i should be

it's all about me

my hopes
my dreams
my wants
my supposed needs

but where i actually am?

God is here
and that
THAT
is what makes the place i am
so much better
than where i ever thought i would be.