choice

earlier today, this hand



got stuck in this toy



and OH the tears.
oh the frustration when she realized the situation she had put herself into.
after all, it was HER choice
no one forced her into that position, no one said "glenda, try this"
and yet she found herself in a predicament that she didn't forsee
all from one simple choice.

as i gently went to help her out, she struggled against me
not realizing that i actually knew the best way to fix the problem--that i could see the whole situation and knew the best plan of escape

once i finally got her removed, i pulled her onto my lap and hugged her, soothing words whispered gently into her ear. and for a moment, she relaxed and let herself be held, but then she struggled against me and wriggled off my lap, shooting a look over her shoulder at me through the tears she was still crying.

for several moments she sniffled, cried, and seemingly recounted the story several times. not caring that i was only a few steps away ready to give consolation and comfort.

on the one hand, this was amusing to watch. on the other...i recognized myself. after all, if you start reading after the word "toy" you could easily substitute any person on this planet in a situation their choices got them into...a God who rescues them...and their inability to fully receive that love.

not quite as amusing when i look at it through those lenses.

be blessed today...and remember that there is a God who wants nothing more than for you to receive and embrace His extravagant love!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

thursday's ten: about turning 30

so by the time next thursday rolls around, i'll be 30. my birthday is monday. that SO does not seem possible! entering a new decade seems like it should be a bit more monumental to me, but i guess because i've done so much living since turning 20 that it really isn't fazing me.

here ARE 10 things about turning 30 in a few days though...things that i've learned in the last 10 years.




1. i love an excuse for celebration. especially when that celebration includes a pub night ;)
2. i'm much more comfortable in my own skin than i was 10, 5, even 1 year ago.
3. that biological clock just keeps ticking along!
4. i'll make my own birthday dessert to share just because irish cream brownies are that good.
(i'll post the recipe here tomorrow. ish.)
5. there are some things and some situations that just aren't worth my time. and i've learned to recognize them a bit more readily.
6. some days don't contain enough caffeine. this gets truer as i get older!
7. there really ARE more aches and pains in my body than there were when i was 20. i'm not imagining that. but i don't have to dwell on them, and i don't have to let them define me or how i feel.
8. taking a few moments to sit on a porch swing or lay in a hammock is time well spent. so is the occasional afternoon nap.
(my 20 year old self is SCREAMING that this statement can't possibly be right...lol)
9. kids really do want structure and boundaries. they crave them. and there is a healthy way to create and enforce these things.
10. you really CAN get used to wearing a piece of jewelry 24/7 :D

how about you? what have you learned or done differently in the last 10 years?

lessons from songs: that place you thought you'd be

on one of the cds i asked for (and received) on christmas, the ditty bops cheerfully sing about being
"in between the place you thought you'd be
and where you are"

might i just suggest that actually BEING in the in between spot they sing about
is not quite as cheerful as they make it?

because...the times i've felt that i'm not where i *thought* i would be
the moments i dwell on where i am in life
and compare it to where my expectations had placed me
the former loses.
every time.

but does that have to be the case?
after all, life experiences would be so few
if i was where i thought i would be.

i laugh at my younger self sometimes
when i think that at the age of 18, i thought by now
i'd be married with a couple of kids
and then at the age of 25
i was positive i would never marry and would just adopt
two very small examples of where i thought i'd be
and where i am
(by the way, where i am is SO much better than either of those scenarios)

but there are the other things
by now i thought i'd have lived in my house for almost 8 years
where i actually am is in a spot of ruined credit and a foreclosure to put the cherry on top
by now i thought i'd have landed a job back in the classroom
where i am is completely loving what i do
but without health insurance of any kind (which means that going on birth control in a few months is gonna be tricky...)

however
(and there's always one of those, right?)
i am so thankful for where i am!

some of it has been kicking and screaming
but most of it hasn't
especially once i learned
that my decisions
aren't going to screw up God's plan

they may screw up MINE
but mine isn't the one that ultimately matters, right?

might i (gently) remind you
that if you're not where you thought you should be
it may be because of choices you've made?


here's the thing i'm learning
slowly but surely

i am in the place i thought i should be

it's all about me

my hopes
my dreams
my wants
my supposed needs

but where i actually am?

God is here
and that
THAT
is what makes the place i am
so much better
than where i ever thought i would be.

sometimes the teacher learns...confidence

about 70% of my piano students have special needs
a few of them are autistic
those of you with experience across the spectrum will know that no two of them are alike in their mannerisms and behaviors

however, they can all learn
and most of them thrive when learning piano

one of these students, J, came in today
he is in 7th grade, limited vocabulary, not prone to aggression or acting out
and his "comfort" when he plays is having my hand lightly touching his wrist

this comes from the first few lessons we had together where i would hold his hand and literally show him where to press the keys
he doesn't need it anymore
he reads incredibly well
his ear training is off the charts
(he can transpose flawlessly)
but as much as i've tried to wean him off having my hand touching his
he still insists on it for at least a couple of songs per lesson

today was a little different
after playing over half the lesson with little to no assistance from me
he reached for my hand and i obliged
putting two fingers lightly underneath his wrist as he played the song
and then all of a sudden
he grabbed my hand, placed my finger on the keys and started playing
using my finger

it's a good sign, actually
that he's trying to transfer knowledge
that he's confident in himself
and my heart swelled a little with the realization that he truly gets it

i think i got a teeny tiny glimpse into how God's heart swells
when one of His children gets it

when we stop waiting for a crutch, for a comfort
(although the comfort of God and Holy Spirit is amazing and wonderful and ever-present)
and confidently step out in faith
knowing full well we are doing exactly the right thing

when we stop relying on a feeling
and instead rest in the promise
when we grab God's hand a little tighter
and take off in a sprint

i was SO proud of J today
and i have this feeling that God felt the same thing for me :)

(written on wednesday, 2.2.2011)

Emi's Box

In case you haven't met her yet, I have a cat named Emi.

Here she is:


Apparently she's being shy. Let's try that again.


Ahh, that's better.

Emi has a new love. It happened when I pulled some stuff out of the closet to decorate for Christmas, and stumbled across a couple of empty shoeboxes.

I pulled them out of the closet and placed them near the edge of the dining room table so that I would remember to throw them out.

She had other ideas.


In fact, every time I would even think of throwing the boxes away, I'd remember how adorable she is when she's in her box, all curled up and cozy. I can't bear to throw these eyesores away.



However, she can't stay in her box forever.

The box is comfortable.
It provides a somewhat secure and cozy place for her to sleep.
She observes life from this box.
The box serves a purpose for her. It's a familiar place that she can retreat to when new and scary people or situations enter her life. It's a great spot for napping or for watching tv with "mommy"
But she fails to see the chaos that is sometimes around it. I doubt she even notices the candy wrapper, plastic shopping bag, or pair of shoes.



We do the same thing.

Our boxes are comfortable.
We feel secure.
We observe life from this box, and we try to place others in similar boxes so that we can avoid getting to know the real persons. We even try to put God in a box--as if He is going to stay all neat and tidy according to our dictations.
Our box has sometimes served us well. It's been the vehicle in which we've grown and developed. It can protect us from those new and scary situations. It has a purpose.
But when we stay in our box we fail to see the details, the chaos around us, the living that is going on without us.

We can't stay in our box forever.

Even if we do look cute in there.