monday's memory: in the details, He is there

be encouraged -- God sees you, knows you, and loves you
{-me :-)} from this post on august 23

and little did i know that hours after writing those words i'd have an example

because of my scheduled time to arrive at work (9.30 am) there is rarely traffic on my way in. therefore, i rarely consult the traffic app on my phone before leaving my house.

on august 23, however, i did.

and what i saw made me pause. my normal route to work was clogged, apparently. and the secondary way i would have normally chosen was not the recommended way to go. instead, a third way that i wouldn't ordinarily consider popped up as the way i should go.

at first i dismissed it.

but the nagging thought (read: Holy Spirit) kept pressing that i should go that way after all.
and so i reluctantly pulled off the exit. after the light turned green i made my left turn.

and that's when i knew something was wrong.
heart pounding i pulled slowly into the first gas station i could spot
and stepped out of the car to see if my suspicions were correct

sure enough, i had a flat tire. and not just a flat tire that needed a bit of pumping up...a FLAT tire. as in, i'm not even sure how i had made it this far on it, surprised my wheel wasn't damaged, flat flat tire.

and then i had to laugh just a little.

you see, this alternate way that i would have never considered?
the gas station that i had abruptly pulled into?
it happened to be just down the street (about a mile) from where my husband's office is

so he was able to come within moments, drive me to work, and then wait with my car for the AAA guy.

all ended up well
(hello brand new set of tires)

but it could have been the opposite.
my normal way to work? interstate the entire way. i don't even want to think about the ramifications of what could have happened given HOW flat my tire was.

that morning i was prompted to open an app on my phone that i ordinarily would have ignored
i was nudged to follow the instructions on the app even though ordinarily i would have dismissed them and gone a more familiar route

a few hours after all this happened a friend tweeted these words, and i had to smile (and retweet):
"God has never stopped being interested in the details of our lives. so why do we worry?"

i'm sure some people would argue that God isn't interested in the details of our lives
i'm sure some would say that i am imagining the hand of God in this.

and all i can say to that is that i hope they have experiences (as i have) where it is undeniable that God is working even in the tiniest areas of their life. living in disbelief that you are radically loved by God is one of the saddest things i know.

because knowing that the God of the universe, the One who speaks and mountains move is personally and intimately interested in every detail of your life?

it's life-changing, my friends

oh, how He loves us so.

page from my journal (2)

the seagulls are teasing me,

elusively avoiding my camera angles

yet coming close to beckon me

when i lay the instrument down

like so many dreams of life

which seem to taunt me

laughing as i raise my interest

as i try to capture them

only coming closer when i give up

today

i will chase my dreams

and today

i will capture

a picture

of a seagull

(i'm in delaware with a couple of friends...this was written yesterday as we boated around the bay...and yes, these pictures were taken...that day)

sparrows

*written last friday after arriving at the cabin*

they were everywhere today.

one landed in front of me as i walked into the grocery store

pausing every few moments to turn

and look at me

inquisitively

as if he were wondering about what was going through my head

just as i was wondering what was going through his.

then as i sat in traffic, trying to just get out of town

they kept landing in front of my car

taking a moment to splash in a puddle

in the midst of heavy traffic

only flying away when the light would change and traffic

began moving.

it took a few times -- and then i got it.

i'm a sparrow too

and God is watching out for me

just like He is for them

i don't think it coincidence

that my favorite song to play on the piano

when i am stressed or at the end of whatever rope i've been clinging to

is

"His eye is on the sparrow"

oh -- i know He watches me

and that is why

through death

foreclosure

asthma

floods

and whatever else may come

(and it will)

i am ok.

God is SO good!

*we interrupt the recent tone of this blog to gush just a little*

tonight in the midst of all the turmoil that threatens
(even though it has not enveloped my life--i have SUCH a hedge of prayer protection)
i was invited by a good friend to go to a worship service at her church for 20s/30s

tonight was a different sort of night there
which none of us knew was going to happen
but it was SUCH a God-thing that i was there

and the speaker tonight was from Africa
grew up in a small village
the son of the witch doctor
and one night, at the age of 15
he heard an audible voice telling him to leave his village
and he did

never having heard of Jesus
only knowing the spirit world
but he went
he was obedient
he didn't even tell his family goodbye
just went to the hut of his best friend and told him he was leaving
to which the friend replied
"i will go where you go"

and they went
and just as they were going to turn back and go home
(because they didn't know where they were going)
they realized that they were hopelessly lost
they wandered for two weeks
never finding the trail
or their village

and one day they arrived at another village
where there was a man waiting underneath a certain tree
who said "i've been waiting for you.
come to my house for a meal"

you see, he had dreamed the night before
that two boys would come out of the jungle
and that he was to introduce them to Jesus

and he did
and to this day this man has never stopped following that voice

it was an amazing story
miracles happen today
he was supernaturally given the true gift of tongues--17 languages that he has never studied
(because when he studies them he can't wrap his mind around them)
that's how he was speaking to us
because God gave him English

isn't that amazing?

anyway, i went tonight with a bit of hurt in my heart
knowing that i'm being released from some things
knowing that the obedient step is to let go of some things
some really important (so i thought) things
and after tonight i realize
i'm giving up my keys
(kind of literally, actually)

you see, the man at the end of his speaking to us told us that he had had a vision before walking onto the platform tonight
he saw a clothesline
filled with keys
of all kinds
and they were for US to grab tonight
God's keys
to the amazing work He wants to do through us and in us
keys to governments, evangelism, reconciliation, peace
keys to whatever He wants us to do
and we were supposed to reach out in faith

(those of you who aren't used to quite the charismatic experience--i'm one of you. but trust me, God was telling me through this whole experience that THIS was HIM.)

and at the end
we grabbed our keys
and the man walked through our assembly
laying hands on us all
i was weeping
and laughing
all at once

because GOD IS GOOD
and He's revealing Himself
and His plan
to me in shovelfuls right now

i'm giving up my keys
but i'm receiving God's keys
and they are SO MUCH BETTER than my keys!

and i have to let go of the things that bind me
in order for Him to work

(this is getting long, i know)

before the man got up to speak, this is what i was writing
i think i was preparing for what i was about to hear:

i am to be a 24/7 house of worship and prayer
back to praying at hospitals
i am to travel
to spread His love
to pray over the places and situations i am sent to

making connections
blogging connections
prayers
amazing things
that God is DOING

..... (more of a private bit of what i feel i am being prepared for) ...

but until then
i am to travel
and spread His love

whether it's around Nashville
Tennessee
the US
or the world

you guys, literally as soon as i had written that, the speaker got up and the FIRST VERSE he shared with us was this one:

Exodus 23:20
Behold I send an angel before you to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared

and in response to that i wrote

God has prepared my way

God knows where i'm going
and He is already there!!!

be encouraged today
God knows you too
and He knows your way

i don't know what all this means for me just yet
but i feel like God is preparing me
stripping me of what i thought mattered
to reveal this big huge open door
that He has for me

and it might not be great and marvelous in the eyes of anyone else
and certainly not the world at large
but it's going to be amazing for me
because it's letting God in
in all the dark corners of my life and heart and soul
it's letting Him permeate my being
soak me all over

it's amazing, this journey, y'all...

join me, won't you?

Page from my Journal 1 (Monday's Memory)

I'll be back soon to post pictures and tell you a bit about my Valentine's Day :)

But right now I'm going to share my Monday's Memory with you.

I've been feeling a bit...dry...in worship lately. As followers will remember, our worship minister recently left us for another position. The interim is...hard for me to say the least. It's not that we don't have amazingly talented leaders for each Sunday, and wonderful Godly people who are planning our worship times. It's just...the Randy touch. It's gone, I miss it, and I'm craving some deep, fall on my face, raise my hands in the air and DANCE kind of worship.

I get some of that downstairs with the youth group.

But I'm aching for it in other areas as well.

And so as I'm flipping through my journal tonight I came across an entry dated 10.9.06. It's a reflection from watching a friends toddler absolutely lose herself in the worship we were having at small group that evening. She was 2.5 at the time and was the picture of what worship should be--uninhabited and joyful. Here's what I wrote that night:

What a beautiful picture of what worship really is!

Twirling
Spinning
Adoring
Joy!

Thank You, Father for giving me just a glimpse of what you see when our hearts are lifted in praise to you!

Bring me back to a time when I praised You all day long.
Did I ever have such a time?
I don't remember it. Don't know if it was 'allowed'.
But YOU allow me to be a child again, so Father may I adore You, all day long as children do!

And that...is still my prayer.
Amen.