peace in the storm: women of faith 2011

on our way back from atlanta, i read the awful news that in indianapolis a stage had collapsed at the state fair and killed several.
my heart ached for my home state
and the following week, Women of Faith was there.

the following week, hurricanes threatened
and in the midst of the storms
Women of Faith was in D.C.

this weekend marked the 10th anniversary of one of the darkest days our nation has ever seen
and in Philly, one of the sites of tragedy
Women of Faith gathered

at first, i was annoyed at myself for not writing up our trip to WoF right away when i got back.

after all, it was an amazing time
great worship
powerful, powerful speakers
and so.many.nuggets to take home from each session

but when the hurricane threatened the east coast and i realized that WoF was basically following catastrophe
i realized there was a pattern

there is NO WAY the people who create the schedule could have planned it this way
it has to be completely Spirit-inspired, God-breathed

because the message of WoF this year
is that GOD.IS.THERE
in the midst of whatever storm you face

it seems to me that it is NO accident
that the circuit they are riding is one where tragedy or storm has hit so close to home...recently.

one of the most powerful sessions to me was Shelia Walsh on friday afternoon, as she said over and over the words of Christ:
"in this world, you WILL have trouble"
BUT

i seriously wish i could have written out every powerful statement uttered by each person

from Angie Smith's beautiful story
to Lisa Harper's refreshing honesty
to Nicole Johnson's poignant vulnerability
and Luci Swindoll's amazing presence
to Shelia Walsh's cheeky and glorious presentation

as we got in the car to head home on saturday night
my future mother in law looked at me and said
"there isn't a single moment of that conference that wasn't amazing."

and she was right.
i've collected some nuggets here for you
but i would highly, highly encourage you
to GO
this year, if you can
(because it is POWERFUL, ladies)
but if not,
join me next year
because as soon as this wedding is out of the way?
i'm signing up with the first "spending money" i get
:-)

from fridays early sessions

"the safest place to be is where Jesus is"
"He's got a bigger miracle for you than the one you've asked Him for"
- Sheila Walsh

"we have the same power of the Holy Spirit to do supernatural things as Jesus did."
- Steve Arterburn (the *male* founder of WoF) -- i believe this is the statement that made me tweet 'come ON, preach it!'

(clearly friday was *powerful* and what i've written here doesn't even begin to do it justice.  so many moments of realizing just how awesome and powerful our God is!)

and from saturday
peace is not the absence of trouble. peace is the Presence of Christ - Sheila Walsh

If you're going through a tough time, it's not because God's mad at you - Laura Story

in a session where she shared a fairly amazing story about an Angelic visitation and some of her darkest days

"we're walking right into your biggest fear, but I AM coming with you..."
"the Shepherd knows where to find you" 

"you don't clean yourself up to come to your Father"- Sheila Walsh

sharing her story and making us all simultaneously laugh and cry:

nothing in God's economy is ever wasted
The Lord says I can't get you out but I can sit here with you. - Nicole Johnson

(see what i mean? hearing the stories of storms that these women have gone through and how God alone has worked miraculous things through them...well, that's something we can ALL get hope from)

and bringing grace, dignity and beauty to the stage (even in sickness!)
if you enjoy it, you DO improve the world - Luci Swindoll

it's a great day to be at WoF

today i'm in atlanta

attending women of faith

with my future mother in law

when i get home i will share more with you

but pardon me while i go live in this moment

and worship my Papa

:-)

happy weekend, all!

what i'm loving wednesday .6

i'm loving snuggles with toddlers

i'm loving that the weather being 90+ and humid means it's perfect acceptable to wear a dress any day of the week for any event.

i'm loving chunky jewelry and mixing & matching different pieces i've made to feel creative again.  i'm about to revamp my etsy shop, i think and actually try selling a few things again!

i'm loving that i start with a new family next week.  sad to see this job end, but it was such a positive and perfectly fitting together transition that i'm excited about the future. :-)

i'm loving twitter.  i thought it was SO tacky for SO long, and now...i'm kinda addicted.

i'm loving times of worship and ministry...the last couple of weeks have been so amazing and God has been doing such great things in my life!

i'm loving that for a few moments life has slowed down and that i get to be creative in the kitchen again more often.  perhaps a few more recipes will make their way to these pages soon :-)

i'm loving times spent with girlfriends sipping cups of hot tea or trying new foods or just sitting in the car for an hour telling stories.

i'm loving my amazing fiancé who is willing to stumble down this crazy road with me hand in hand.

i'm loving that i know that i know that i know that God is our amazing provider...and is giving me more than i could ever ask or imagine!

'i've just seen Jesus
and i'll never be the same again!'

-song video here
you should watch it :)

happy resurrection sunday all!

unpack those bags

ahhh, baggage.

sometimes it presents itself in streamlined matching suitcases, shiny and new
other times it looks more like cardboard boxes barely held together with duct tape

both equally dangerous.

people who look so put together but are hiding carefully packed issues right under the pristine surface.

others who let their issues seep into every fabric of their lives, so that it's obvious to even the person beside them in traffic or behind them in the checkout line, much less the people they call friends.

and we all have it. like it or not, accept it or not, we're all carrying it.

which is all fine and good...until it starts leaking.

leaking into our relationships
our personal lives
our friendships
our encounters with strangers even

hopefully our response is to face it head-on
to unpack each layer of hurt and shame
or bitterness
or sin
or mistake

but DANG
it's hard

i just have to keep reminding myself
that it's worth it.

because i'm in this forever

(give it a listen.  worth it.)

He's worth it
all that painful "stuff"
it's worth it
because i'm in this forever

sunday's song: how He loves

i can't even begin to tell you the power this song has for me
perhaps because i first heard it at a point in my life when i was REALLY beginning to realize God's love
perhaps because nearly every time i hear it it's like that thought renews in my mind
perhaps because i always look around the room at others worshiping and see on their faces that they get it too

it's such a simple lyric
but what a powerful thought
do you know how much He loves you??


i love this version of the song.  particularly when kim walker (the soloist) tells everyone that you'd better just brace yourself...because it's SO true.  if you haven't encountered His love?  brace yourself.  it's coming.  :-)



much love,
(His and mine)

Sunday's Song: I love Your Presence

one of my absolute favorite worship songs

this version from bethel church in california

(a church i hope to visit one of these days...)

and the words are so simple:

in the glory of Your Presence

i find rest for my soul

in the depths of Your Love

i find peace, makes me whole

i love, i love, i love Your Presence

i love, i love, i love Your Presence

i love, i love, i love You Jesus

i love, i love, i love Your Presence

it's a great day to get cooking

 

i finally got to cook today: yay!

i know i've mentioned before how i hesitate to cook these days, because i always feel like i'm in the way.

well, over the last few days i've really been resenting that

and i decided to heck with it

i live here

i'll cook if i want to, dammit!

this became even more an anthem this afternoon as i discovered that my olive oil was completely empty

(not because i'd used it...)

and i called anthony to vent 

that i hate feeling like i'm in the way, that i'm annoyed that my stuff (even though labeled) is used without asking, that i sometimes just hate living like this

bless him, he listened

and really, all i needed to do was be mad for a few minutes

i came back home and headed straight for the kitchen

take two, with olive oil this time

and i made my tomato soup, my chicken salad, and reorganized and labeled my part of the pantry

i set a pandora station for worship music

and i even chatted with the nurse who is here today

and i was blissful

:0)

i came back downstairs and went outside to my herb containers

i'd discovered earlier today that some of them had revived

so i bought a few replacements while i was out getting the olive oil

and i dug in the dirt a little and planted the new additions

and i was blissful

and now i'm sitting on my couch

watching tv

blogging

and sipping iced coffee with bailey's creamer in it

and i am blissful

no, things are NOT perfect here

but truthfully, things are never perfect.

and one thing is for sure:

i'm not going to be kept out of the kitchen anymore

as long as i'm not trying to cook while one of the nurses is also cooking for anthony's grandpa

i'm not in the way

and if the nurses don't want to share space

that's not my concern -- they can move to another room for awhile

because i live here too

and dangit, i want to cook! 

 

Thursday's Ten: smiles

let's review, shall we?

in the last 5 months, anthony has lost 2 grandparents

i've lost my house

i wound up in the emergency room

and my car was hit and run while it was parked

in front of anthony's parents house after his grandma's graveside service.

it's likely totaled

(although i haven't had the official word yet, so there is still hope)

and yet

it's been a good year.

meghan and i were talking about this very thing on our way to florida

that we had sucky 2008s

and that year, she said

that we were going to heal in 2009

and our 2010s were going to be amazing

we kind of giggled as we talked about what all has happened this year

and then we fell silent

and i said

"you know what?

this year has been amazing.

i wouldn't trade any of these experiences

or the provision that God has just poured out on me

for anything

i think i'm going to get to the end of this year

look back,

laugh

and say

WOW, what a ride!"

so while i do have a moment or two of down time

and shed tears

and hurt for those who are hurting

and ache for the loss of my house...my car (maybe)

i can't shake the feeling

the knowledge

that God is raining down blessings on me

and so,

sometimes i have to find a reason to smile

in things that i would normally not notice

but i'll tell you something

i'm aware

now more than ever

that the little things sometimes aren't so little after all

so this week, my reasons to smile have included

1. the cashier at kroger literally opening a self-checkout like just for me

(and he closed it as soon as i'd paid)

2. a scarf that my friend laura bought for me last week just because

3. couponing trips that were just ridiculous

4. buying a set of (cheap) new sheets and putting them on the bed fresh out of the dryer

5. actually writing down the amount of money that i needed God to provide me with this week...and watching Him MULTIPLY it

(that one actually made me laugh. who was i to think i could limit Him anyway?!)

6. laura's response to #5 when i told her was "holla back Sugar Daddy!"

(that made me laugh harder)

7. worship on monday night

8. seeing that i have 3 tomatoes getting ready to pick (i haven't yet had one this summer and it's way.past.time)

9. watching the weight go down every time i step on the wiifit...that revelation was for REAL, y'all!

10. watching 30 rock last night with anthony and our good friends kyle and natasha (kyle is anthony's new roomie)

smiles. laughter. joy

a month or so ago, one of the leaders of our small group, chad, had a vision for me

he said he saw me playing the piano

with one hand

only hearing that one part

but playing it perfectly

and he said

that during this season of my life

i can only hear my part

that i know God is playing His

but i can't see it

or hear it

i'm just trusting that it's blending perfectly with mine

and he said

that i'm doing exactly what i'm supposed to do

playing my part

not in a fake way

but in all sincerity

i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be

and the song that results from this

is beautiful

and he said further

that the level of JOY in this season of my life

is absolutely astounding

yep.

pretty much describes life as i've come to know it

and i love it.

what's made you smile this week?

lost

last night i found myself helping to lead worship at a midweek service

which is always a nice pick-me-up

especially when i'm leading with some of my favorite people :)

michael, my friend who lead the service, found this video on youtube and played it at the beginning of the service.

he began it with simple words on the screen:

"a guy walking the streets of new york just can't stop himself from praising"

and then the video. WOW.

there's such simplicity here. a guy walking around listening to his ipod...but there's something rising in him that's so organic, so fresh, so come up to the top, that he can't stop himself.

it made me wonder. as i looked around the room and watched people react to the video

when did they last get so lost in worship that they just couldn't stop themselves from praising?

when's the last time *I* did?

what's wrong with us if we don't lose ourselves more often?

it doesn't have to look like anything spectacular. in fact, it often doesn't.

for me, the last time it happened was monday night at a 20s/30s worship event i attend every week. at the end of the service we all went forward to pray and worship just...happened. i found myself singing at the top of my lungs--some unknown song--and not caring one bit if anyone heard me or didn't.

i've seen people take different postures of worship, use different languages to praise, and just stand and silently weep.

i'm known to lose myself in worship in my car...which doesn't always work out financially but it always brings me to a new level (seriously: go read the story. it's especially meaningful for me to remember it now with the events of the last few months...)

all of this to say...lose yourself today. or tomorrow. or sunday morning at church. or...whenever. just spend some time being so carried away by His presence that you can't.do.anything.else.

and then...would you share with me or someone? it would be a great encouragement!

(oh yeah, and here's the video--watch! conveniently located right next to my music player so you can turn it off...i SO planned that...ok, i didn't :)

God is SO good!

*we interrupt the recent tone of this blog to gush just a little*

tonight in the midst of all the turmoil that threatens
(even though it has not enveloped my life--i have SUCH a hedge of prayer protection)
i was invited by a good friend to go to a worship service at her church for 20s/30s

tonight was a different sort of night there
which none of us knew was going to happen
but it was SUCH a God-thing that i was there

and the speaker tonight was from Africa
grew up in a small village
the son of the witch doctor
and one night, at the age of 15
he heard an audible voice telling him to leave his village
and he did

never having heard of Jesus
only knowing the spirit world
but he went
he was obedient
he didn't even tell his family goodbye
just went to the hut of his best friend and told him he was leaving
to which the friend replied
"i will go where you go"

and they went
and just as they were going to turn back and go home
(because they didn't know where they were going)
they realized that they were hopelessly lost
they wandered for two weeks
never finding the trail
or their village

and one day they arrived at another village
where there was a man waiting underneath a certain tree
who said "i've been waiting for you.
come to my house for a meal"

you see, he had dreamed the night before
that two boys would come out of the jungle
and that he was to introduce them to Jesus

and he did
and to this day this man has never stopped following that voice

it was an amazing story
miracles happen today
he was supernaturally given the true gift of tongues--17 languages that he has never studied
(because when he studies them he can't wrap his mind around them)
that's how he was speaking to us
because God gave him English

isn't that amazing?

anyway, i went tonight with a bit of hurt in my heart
knowing that i'm being released from some things
knowing that the obedient step is to let go of some things
some really important (so i thought) things
and after tonight i realize
i'm giving up my keys
(kind of literally, actually)

you see, the man at the end of his speaking to us told us that he had had a vision before walking onto the platform tonight
he saw a clothesline
filled with keys
of all kinds
and they were for US to grab tonight
God's keys
to the amazing work He wants to do through us and in us
keys to governments, evangelism, reconciliation, peace
keys to whatever He wants us to do
and we were supposed to reach out in faith

(those of you who aren't used to quite the charismatic experience--i'm one of you. but trust me, God was telling me through this whole experience that THIS was HIM.)

and at the end
we grabbed our keys
and the man walked through our assembly
laying hands on us all
i was weeping
and laughing
all at once

because GOD IS GOOD
and He's revealing Himself
and His plan
to me in shovelfuls right now

i'm giving up my keys
but i'm receiving God's keys
and they are SO MUCH BETTER than my keys!

and i have to let go of the things that bind me
in order for Him to work

(this is getting long, i know)

before the man got up to speak, this is what i was writing
i think i was preparing for what i was about to hear:

i am to be a 24/7 house of worship and prayer
back to praying at hospitals
i am to travel
to spread His love
to pray over the places and situations i am sent to

making connections
blogging connections
prayers
amazing things
that God is DOING

..... (more of a private bit of what i feel i am being prepared for) ...

but until then
i am to travel
and spread His love

whether it's around Nashville
Tennessee
the US
or the world

you guys, literally as soon as i had written that, the speaker got up and the FIRST VERSE he shared with us was this one:

Exodus 23:20
Behold I send an angel before you to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared

and in response to that i wrote

God has prepared my way

God knows where i'm going
and He is already there!!!

be encouraged today
God knows you too
and He knows your way

i don't know what all this means for me just yet
but i feel like God is preparing me
stripping me of what i thought mattered
to reveal this big huge open door
that He has for me

and it might not be great and marvelous in the eyes of anyone else
and certainly not the world at large
but it's going to be amazing for me
because it's letting God in
in all the dark corners of my life and heart and soul
it's letting Him permeate my being
soak me all over

it's amazing, this journey, y'all...

join me, won't you?

Page from my Journal 1 (Monday's Memory)

I'll be back soon to post pictures and tell you a bit about my Valentine's Day :)

But right now I'm going to share my Monday's Memory with you.

I've been feeling a bit...dry...in worship lately. As followers will remember, our worship minister recently left us for another position. The interim is...hard for me to say the least. It's not that we don't have amazingly talented leaders for each Sunday, and wonderful Godly people who are planning our worship times. It's just...the Randy touch. It's gone, I miss it, and I'm craving some deep, fall on my face, raise my hands in the air and DANCE kind of worship.

I get some of that downstairs with the youth group.

But I'm aching for it in other areas as well.

And so as I'm flipping through my journal tonight I came across an entry dated 10.9.06. It's a reflection from watching a friends toddler absolutely lose herself in the worship we were having at small group that evening. She was 2.5 at the time and was the picture of what worship should be--uninhabited and joyful. Here's what I wrote that night:

What a beautiful picture of what worship really is!

Twirling
Spinning
Adoring
Joy!

Thank You, Father for giving me just a glimpse of what you see when our hearts are lifted in praise to you!

Bring me back to a time when I praised You all day long.
Did I ever have such a time?
I don't remember it. Don't know if it was 'allowed'.
But YOU allow me to be a child again, so Father may I adore You, all day long as children do!

And that...is still my prayer.
Amen.

Amen

Yesterday morning I was leading worship at my church, as I do regularly on the "3rd Sunday" praise team.

It was a powerful worship, and we ended it with the song God of This City. You may know it (I'll include a youtube video and lyrics at the end of this post if you don't). It ends on a powerful crescendo of "greater things are yet to come; greater things are still to be done in this city" followed by the softer yet powerful truth of "there is no one like our God...there is no one like our God"

In an acapella setting, the voices linger and resonate throughout the sanctuary for a few moments after the last note is cut off. As we basked in that moment a small child's voice, no older than 3, echoed through the auditorium:

"Amen!"

Amen indeed. There is NO ONE like our God! If the smallest of children can feel that so powerfully in her soul...who am I to question?

And yet sometimes I do.

Help me to be like a child on her Father's knee...
to grasp the most awesome and complex of truths
in the simplest of ways.

AMEN




(lyrics are included on the video--and it is the original version from Ireland so they are slightly different, so it's definitely worth a listen)

*God of This City was written by a worship band from Ireland (possibly why it's so close to my heart!) on a missions trip to Thailand. They set up the band in a brothel and sang worship songs right in the heart of the sex trade district...and this song came to them than night as they witnessed the brokenness that surrounded them--that the God they were worshiping was STILL the 'God of these people' and the 'Lord of this nation'
Makes it all the more powerful to know the story...*

If all goes well...

My friend Sam (more about him and his wife) gets to go home tomorrow!

His counts are going up, and although he will continue to be closely monitored, his immune system has developed enough to return to his own home!

Praises...

You know, all day long I've wanted to post a blog and couldn't figure out *what* to write about. I guess I was just waiting for the good news!

Here's a song he posted on his blog the other day. Perhaps you've heard it before; I grew up singing it in church as did he:

Whatever It Takes

There’s a voice calling me, from an old rugged tree
And it whispers draw closer to me
Leave this world far behind,
There are new heights to climb
And a new place in Me you will find

For whatever it takes, to draw closer to You Lord
That’s what I’d be wiling to do
And whatever it takes, to be more like you
That’s what I’d be willing to do

Take my houses and lands,
Change my dreams and my plans.
For I’m placing my whole life in Your hands.
And if you call me someday,
To a land far away,
Lord, I’ll go and Your will obey.

For whatever it takes to draw closer to You, Lord,
That’s what I’ll be willing to do.
And whatever it takes for my will to break,
That’s what I’ll be willing to do.

Take the dearest things to me, if that’s how it must be
To draw me closer to Thee
Let the disappointments come, lonely days without the sun
If through sorrow more like You I’ll become.

For whatever it takes to draw closer to You, Lord,
That’s what I’ll be willing to do.
And whatever it takes for my will to break,
That’s what I’ll be willing to do.

I’ll trade sunshine for rain, comfort for pain, that’s what I’d be willing to do.
For whatever it takes to be more like you, That’s what I’d be willing to do.

Um, so if you want to hear a rough version of it, turn off the music player and click the video. It's me, rough chords because I don't have sheet music and had to play it by ear, a couple of big boo-boos, and distracting moving as I sing (can you promise not to WATCH the video and just listen? lol) and I can't promise that at 12:30 am I was completely "on" for the whole song. But, it's there. Gentle, dear readers :0) (there are more of you now than the last time I posted myself singing!)

Anyway, I'm so grateful for this miracle. No, his journey with cancer isn't over...not even close...but this chapter is coming to a close.

Titus 2 Tuesday: Keli

People who can inspire amid pain are true treasures.

My friend Keli is like that. I've already told you her husband's story. But Keli deserves some time herself.

Keli and her husband Sam were one of the first models of a Christian marriage I saw that I wanted to have for myself. I spent many nights and weekends at their house while I was in college and was always impressed that they took time to romance each other and show that they were still deeply in love. Hard to do, perhaps, with 3 little girls under the age of 6 running around, but they managed. What an inspiration! I will never forget sitting in the congregation one Sunday morning when Keli sang a solo and whispering into a friends ear "I want my future husband to look at me the way Sam looks at Keli when she sings." I knew that if I met a man with that *look* in his eye when he looked at me, that all would be ok with us. I don't really think I'm explaining that well but trust me...you would know if you saw it.

Keli has been pretty vocal on the blog she and Sam are writing. He is the minister in the family, but don't doubt for a moment that because Keli isn't on staff at a church she isn't ministering to those around her just as much!

I'm going to let her words speak to you, from their blog the day after they found out he was not yet in remission.

Into every life some rain falls! We all get news we don’t want to hear. This was ours. It just adds some time on to our stay here…I still firmly believe that the end result will still be the same…Remission. Just not in the exact time that I had planned. Don’t you love when you lay out your time plans for the Almighty! He must laugh at us. I am continuing to learn to sit back and allow Him to carry us through this whole process…trust me …as a nurse…I would like to steer this deal my self!

I know you can look back and think of pitty parties that you have thrown for yourself. They are not fun! They usually include a pouty lip, puffy eyes, furrowed brow and a list of injustices. I have had my share. I had a mini one this morning….and then I quit…because the parties I prefer include cake, friends, and all around good feelings.

I am aware that we are confined to the hospital until the chemo is done and Sams counts are up…whatever that takes. I am aware that we didn’t get the diagnosis that we wanted. BUT DO NOT FORGET That the same God we were praying to this morning before we got this diagnosis…is the same one that is still able to sustain and heal our bodies AND our spirits. I am so thankful!

I'm so thankful to know this amazing woman, and to call her my friend.

Their beautiful family. Sam loves to say they're the "blonde leading the blonde."

Sunday's Song: For Sam

I always feel so helpless when someone is sick.
When that someone has cancer it's compounded.
It's why I'm growing my hair out. When your friend with cancer asks you if you'll donate hair to cancer patients with her you can't say no!

There was a day last week when my status on facebook was something on the order of

"is astounded by the number of people who constantly expend the energy to turn positives into negatives...perhaps we should all try the opposite for awhile"

A texted me a bit later wondering what had inspired it. I told him many things, including Ms N (of driving Miss N) and her tendency to make things sound worse than they are, and the tendency of many of my friends to focus consistently on the negative.

But mostly, I told him, it was because of my friend Sam.

Sam is an example of doing the opposite--turning his negatives into positives.

Sam was the director of music at the university I attended. Very shortly after arriving there, I became his kids (3 adorable girls) consistent babysitter. And Sam and Keli became like family. I spent many weekends at their house, did laundry for free in their machines, house and pet sat when they were gone...

We went to church together--Sam was the worship minister. Shortly after I bought my condo and had began attending and eventually joined the church I now attend, Sam and Keli accepted a position at another church in town. We kind of lost contact over the years, although I have called or emailed a few times.

About two months ago I began seeing confusing (to me) status updates from Keli on facebook...and then from their neice Lizzie who I went to school with...and finally I was directed to Sam's blog.

He's battling acute leukemia, the same kind that killed his father when Sam was still a teenager.

The blog subscription that I added that night left me in tears.

But over the last few weeks, I have been uplifted and encouraged daily by Sam and Keli as they update...and even the girls as they leave comments on the entries.

My status update that day was triggered by a post of Sam's explaining that he is not in remission as we all had hoped. And in the middle of the post he encouraged his readers—his friends and family—not to lose faith in the God he knows is working in this situation.

Powerful.

If HE can believe so adamantly, who are we to waver?

Sam has claimed a song as “his”, though many speak to him at the moment. However, the one he mentions often, the one he encouraged all of us to listen to, is one I already knew well. It’s by Parachute Band, and the title is simple…”Complete”

Sam’s not feeling great today—this second round of chemo is affecting him differently and he’s nauseous and feeling rather weak. There’s not a whole lot I can do but pray…and ask all of you to do the same. I’m not going to share the link to his blog here publicly, but if you would like to remain connected to his story and be uplifted by what he and Keli have to say, message me. I’ll be happy to share the blog address with you.

Today…for Sam

Complete

Here I am, O God
I bring this sacrifice, my open heart
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
It restores me again

So I lift my eyes to You, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on, Lord
And by faith I will walk on, Lord
Then I’ll see beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

Here I am, O God
I bring this sacrifice, my open heart
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
It restores me again

So I lift my eyes to You, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on, Lord
And by faith I will walk on, Lord
Then I’ll see beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
It restores me again

So I lift my eyes to You, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on, Lord
And by faith I will walk on, Lord
Then I’ll see beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete
Yes, I will be complete in
I will be complete in You

Read

Complete Lyrics

here.

Why am I Still Surprised?

I am constantly surprised. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I am.

I mean, I'm the one continually telling people
how faithful God is
how real His mercies are
and how I've been so trusting of Him over these last few months.

And then out of the blue He astonishes me with His provision.

I got off the phone around 2 pm today, sad.
I had just been told by a family that had mentioned the possibility of me becoming their nanny that they had decided to keep their 2 year old boy and newborn baby girl in school fulltime.
And while the conversation was good, and I fully support their decision, I was sad.
And worried.
And immediately on the phone and email channels trying to figure out what's next. Because even though nannying wasn't my first choice...
it was nice to have that offer "in my back pocket" in case a teaching position didn't work out.
I was beginning to be resigned to the life of a nanny.
I had begun to stop contacting the schools.
And this just set all that in motion once again.

However, Anne, as we ended our conversation asked me if I would mind being their "on call" person between now and when her parents arrive on the 4th. "Just in case" her water broke or she went into labor in the middle of the night. Just long enough for her husband's parents to drive up from Atlanta to take care of Mr Man (their 2 year old).
I said absolutely.

Not 4 hours later my phone rang.
It was Anne.
Not in labor, but in the hospital because of a car accident. Everything looks fine for her and baby girl, but since she's 2 weeks out from her due date they're monitoring her for 24 hours before allowing her to leave.
Could I stay overnight with Mr. Man so that her husband could stay with her? Of course, they'll pay me my normal rate for this time...

I hung up the phone, and after a prayer offered up for her and Baby Girl, and thanksgiving for their safety, I began to giggle.

Because as I'm worried about how the bills are going to be paid, I get an overnight babysitting job.

My God is a God who provides.

Isn't it funny...how when we least expect it...

I realize that it's not an all-powerful, moving mountains kind of story.
No oceans roaring.
No howling winds, no mighty thunderstorms.

But Elijah heard that still small voice
And today...I think I did too.

"I AM a God Who provides"

And suddenly...though I still wonder what's next...I'm not worried anymore.

My GOD is a GOD who Provides!

(a new Hillsong release that speaks to this better than my words can)

Desert Song

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

About this time last year

I was eating each meal in the dining hall with a certain Anthony. We created a paper football adaptation using pepper packets since I got one with nearly every meal. I knew with every moment we spent together that I was falling more and more for him.

(and right after camp he sent me a text stating that the week had been fun and he thought we should hang out more. wish? command.)

Anthony's sister was a co-counselor in my cabin and I was constantly listening for hints about whether he was crushing on me as much as I was on him. Little did I know he had asked her to "spy" to see if I mentioned him.

I rode my first horse. It was...interesting.

I continued the tradition of telling my cabin that if a bug wasn't "bigger than your fist" it's not appropriate to scream.

We instituted nap time/quiet hour in the cabin. Ahhhh.

I was making a hemp bracelet for someone. Several someones, actually.

I was reminded of how wonderful the worship times are. And I was enjoying watching Anthony worship. It made me like him all the more to see how incredibly uninhabited he was. In the church tradition I grew up in, that was the norm, but the church I attend does not have roots in freedom of worship!

I was missing my real bed, but thankful that we were in a great cabin with wooden bed frames and not one but 2(!) showers in the cabin itself.

I was falling in love with a group of 7th grade girls that I shared a cabin with.

Can't wait to see what this year holds!

Sunday's Song

Beautiful song from this morning's worship...enjoy Hillsong's version!

At The Cross

Oh Lord You've searched me,
You know my way,
Even when I fail You,
I know You love me...

Your holy presence surrounding me,
In every season, I know You love me...

At the cross I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was she'd for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now...

You go before me
You shield my way,
Your hand upholds me,
I know You love me...

You tore the veil,
You made a way
When You said that 'it is done'

And when the earth fades,
Falls from my eyes,
And You stand before me
I know You love me, I know You love me...

Our Fantastic Weekend

Technically today was still the weekend! Here's a wordle...




was fantastic! (by the way, congratulations Bethany for guessing correctly where we were headed!) We got in late Thursday night, and pretty much went straight to bed after arriving and settling a bit.

Friday

We woke up early (well, Hailey and I did. Anthony had to be somewhat persuaded to get out of bed.). After we got showers and I got coffee in my system we headed out to the Georgia Aquarium. The aquarium was really cool...but I was VERY disappointed that I didn't get to see the penguins! They were off exhibit :(






After the aquarium we went across the plaza to the World of Coca-Cola. Now, I had been to the coke museum a few years ago, but they've since moved locations so this was a new experience for me. After an awful (seriously) animated cartoon about the happiness factory, we were on our own to explore. So many cool things to see, but our favorites (I think) were the pop art, commercial viewing theater, and tasting room. Oh, and the fact that we all got a free bottle of Coke on our way out!







When we were finished with purchasing at the gift shop we headed back to Tammy's house (Anthony's aunt) where she had grilled chicken, corn on the cob and other yummy things for us to eat. A fantastic homemade meal that I didn't cook! :0) Then the 4 of us played a game of hand and foot (Anthony and I have never been partners before and we paired up for this best 2 out of 3. Which was awesome!) Tammy is amazingly sweet and has an adorable Jack Russel terrier with whom I bonded pretty quickly.

Saturday

Saturday morning dawned and we got up (even earlier!) to hit the zoo. It was a zoo pretty much as you would imagine...but they have pandas (!) and kangaroos. Oh, and lions which you would think is standard but no. Not so much. I'm sure Anthony would also want me to mention the fantastic rhino...











Hailey was not so thrilled with the idea of our next stop...so we went back to Tammy's for lunch and just the two of us headed out. To IKEA!!!

(I was completely thrilled. And it did not disappoint. Seriously, this place is enormous. Much bigger than our biggest mall in Nashville. And oh, the fun I had).

We loved quite a bit about Ikea (Anthony already has plans to go back for a bookshelf or two, and I got some awesome recylcling bins), but I think we may have been most impressed by the escalator for the carts. Haha.






The evening wrapped up with an amazing Latin fusion restaurant (that we're still craving!), a trip to a neon madhouse (otherwise known as Brandsmart) and another game of Hand and Foot before turning in for the night.

Sunday

Tammy was on the worship team at her church, so we left separately. Church was amazing and such an incredible worship experience. It was nice to be in another setting for a change. The message was on women's roles in the church and it was SO REFRESHING to be in a setting that is more how I grew up...and that believes that God gifts both males and females to be leaders!

I cheated on Nashville Joe by stopping at the Atlanta Trader Joe's on the way home from church. Unfortunately, there are no alcohol sales on Sunday under Georgia state law, so I STILL was not able to partake of TJ's wines. Sigh. But I did load up on some snacks for the road (and for home!) and picked up some toffee as a thank you gift for our hostess.

We ate lunch at Tammy's house, played our third game of Hand and Foot and set out on the road. It was a pretty uneventful drive (although we did manage to both terrify and amuse Hailey with our lovey-dovey talk -- which I assure you is totally a joke. Right pooky?)









All in all, it was a lovely weekend and I'm SO glad I got to meet another wonderful member of Anthony's family...and we're already planning another weekend getaway. It was that much fun. :0)