me: ugh, if you roll down the window my hair will be all over the place.

he: let's just stop at walgreens and get you some hair ties.

Monday's Memory: The One With Fire On My Board

See this girl?

Young, skinny, cute haircut...

I was her once.

She was also a baby teacher (although the highest compliment she may have ever received from her co-workers was that she came in a veteran teacher). She loved her job passionately, and dreamed that all her students would succeed.
And sometimes they succeeded in driving her absolutely mad.

One class in particular that first year was dubbed "the class from hell". We, as teachers, have one of those every few years, more frequently if we are blessed to be in inner city or metropolitan areas. And mine was my 6th period 6th grade choir. To add insult to injury, I also had to oversee this class's dismissal procedure so I was given approximately 15 extra minutes with them every day.

Lucky me.

One afternoon as I was standing at my door one of those students came to me. She was among the last to be dismissed, and quite frankly I was ready for her bus to be called so that I could just get some peace and quiet! This was not to be had for a few moments though. The following conversation ensued:

Student: (tentatively)
"Miss B? Um...someone said something really mean about you."

Me: (trying not to show that I really have no interest in this topic of conversation...after all if I'm worried about what a 6th grader is going to say about me I've got bigger problems anyway.)
"Oh yeah?"

Student: "Yeah, they did." (pauses, looking down. then brightens as she says) "I can't tell you who it was but I can tell you what they said!"

Me: (stifling a yawn and resisting the urge to check down the hall to see if anyone had let students go for late bus line-up yet)
"Ok..."

Student: (with exaggerated pauses)
"Well, she SAID...'If she's teaching our class...then who's running Hell?"

Me: (trying oh-so-hard not to burst out laughing)
"Ah"

Intercom: (calls students on her bus)

Me: (running down the hall to the other teachers in the 8th grade wing)
"You guys are gonna LOVE this!"

Now, after telling the story most people probably would have thought little of it.
However, I have a little sadistic streak.
(after all, I did teach middle school)

You see, I knew exactly who had said it (not hard to narrow down as she was the chief troublemaker in the class) and I knew I could make her squirm.

So the next day in the 8th grade reading class I was teaching (don't get me started on how I was given that class and a 7th grade one as an afterthought and had to figure out how in the world to teach reading when I was still trying to figure out how to teach music! and especially don't get me started on how I loved teaching those 2 classes so much that I'm still considering getting a Master's in Language Arts just so I can do it all day...)

Anyway, in the 8th grade reading class I was teaching I approached the boy who always sat in the corner doodling and consequently had about 3 grades out of the 10 he needed. And I said

"Manuel, how would you like to get full credit for xxx assignment even though you didn't turn it in?"

Naturally, he was intrigued. And asked how that was possible.

"Can you draw fire?
"Sure Ms. B"
"Can you draw it on my board?"
"Sure"
"All right. Take the whole period if you like. Fill it up."

This did raise a lot of questions as I tried to teach class and he cheerfully drew flames on the board behind me. So at the end of the period I let the 8th graders in on the joke. They apparently are as sadistic as I am and thought it a wonderful plan.

My 6th graders came in the door as the reading class exited and we began business as usual. Funny looks exchanged all around, but no one dared open their mouth about it.

We went through warm-ups and had even sang a song before a brave soul finally raised her hand. (which was an accomplishment in and of itself with this particular class, believe me!)

"Um, Ms. B? Why is there...fire on your board?"

Without missing a beat, I simply replied

"Oh that? Well, I thought I'd multi-task today and do both my jobs at once."

As the culprit sank in her seat with cheeks as red as the flames on the board, we continued on singing. Most of the students didn't understand what I had said, but I only needed her to. I didn't have to yell, pull her aside, or embarrass her at all to get my point across. It just took a little creativity. And you know what? She didn't give me any trouble for the rest of the year.

Guess that young teacher wasn't so naive after all.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up: Volume 3

You knew it was coming eventually!

I was sitting in the doctor's office today, waiting on DMN (Driving Miss N) to get out of her appointment. Huge cardio doctor's office, comfortable waiting area with sofas and loveseats scattered around the room. I was polite and took an armchair (a very comfy one) in a secluded spot so as to let the actual sick people and their family/friends have the more spacious seating.

One seating area was taken by a family. Another was completely empty. I was in the mid-section.

Elderly couple--at LEAST 75 comes in. Sit beside me. Go figure.

They're having a rather loud conversation that I try really hard not to eavesdrop on.

Until this gem:

"Well, if the doctor gives you a clean bill of health today, we'll have to try something sinful tonight!"

I *think* they were talking about food...

You Can't Make This Stuff Up...Volume 1

I often see odd sights while driving through Nashville...or hear odd things.

Case 1:
At a party on Saturday night, a friend was telling me that she has an aunt who has actually written her a letter condemning *something* she's doing (let's say it's drinking wine once in awhile). Her aunt wrote the following:

"Satan is happy with your decision."

(my friend said when she told her sister this, her sister would call her answering machine periodically and say "This is Satan...and I'm happy with you!")

{My friend, L, says that she just tells this aunt "You'll be pleasantly surprised to see me in Heaven, sipping my wine and wearing my shorts."}

My response to this story?

"Suddenly my family seems a thousand times more normal."

Case 2:
A text I sent to A earlier this evening:

I just saw the WORST sign flipper guy ever. Instead of flipping he was using the sign as an air guitar. That coupled with the white-as-he-is wanna be rapper attire...

(Seriously, this guy was probably 34ish, stocky, very white, and was dressed in this all white gangsta suit get up. Strumming on the sign as if it were a guitar. It was NOT working for him.)

Case 3:
A friend of mine from high school said to A and I at my 10 year reunion a couple of months ago:

"Greasy women make goooood food."

You can't MAKE this stuff up.

Any stories to share? I kind of expect this to be a semi-regular feature :)

Not Me Monday (3.0)

It was not a beautiful day yesterday, and I did not absolutely love the 75 degree and balmy day. However, overnight the temperature did not drop drastically and it is not 39 degrees and holding at this moment. I am not bummed about this, and as a result have have not sat around with the laptop all morning, do not have my nap blanket (Christmas from A) over my legs, and did not make a pot of coffee at approximately 1:30 pm just to warm up. I do not refuse to turn the heat on in freakin' April!

Oh yeah, I suppose I should tell you what I'm not doing. It's not me monday, and I'm not joining the blog world in confessing what I have and have not done over the past few hours...days...

(this may or may not be the button to click to participate)

{pause for seriousness...this was created by McMama whose baby boy Stellan is still in the hospital, although things are looking better by day. Visit her blog for more current info!}
Ok, so this weekend was not a lot of fun. I did not get to play with a 4 year old boy (who did not make me laugh constantly) and his 10 month old sister (who is not normally a mommy-clingy child, and I was not shocked that she transitioned pretty well to spending a good 30 hours with me).

A typical conversation this weekend did not sound like this:

(at bedtime)
S: Daddy doesn't make me wear pants to bed if I don't want to. Do I have to wear pants to bed?
L: no, Seth, you don't have to wear pants to bed. But please put on your pajama shirt now.

(after Morgan wakes up from her nap)
S: I think we should bring Morgan outside so she can watch us play soccer
(no matter that Lora is unaware of this plan, plus soccer skills? not so good)
L: Ok, but first I need to feed Morgan her lunch, ok?
S: I'm not hungry for lunch right now.
L: Seth, you had lunch an hour ago while Morgan was sleeping.
S: Oh...well, I'm not hungry for dinner yet either.

(upon hearing a mower outside)
L: someone is mowing your yard!
S: yeah, that's Jamie. When mommy hears Jamie outside she goes and writes a note real quick and runs out to give it to him
L: (figuring out that the "note" is a check) Well, I think she already wrote him a note this week. And I am not sure what the note says, so I'm not going to do that, ok?
S: ok.

I also did not discover that they had WiiFit, and did not take advantage of this as soon as the kids were in bed both nights. I do not want one of my own even more now. I do not miss their WiiFit now that I'm back in my own house.