Dear...

i have to take just a moment and get these out

Dear Crazy Neighbor Lady

(you who complain about dog poo being near your house when you happen to live right next to the common area where they are supposed to poo...and you who gave me an inquisition about having a car parked in MY other spot, yet have your friends park in MY space instead of your own all the time...)

I can handle a lot, but walking out of my front door and nearly stepping on the rake that was on my sidewalk, right next to my door, rake side UP? Not cool. Thank goodness I saw it, otherwise I would have surely punctured a foot. Please clean up after your adventures in gardening. I took the liberty of moving said rake to your yard (the entire foot). I'm fairly certain that's why you glared at me when I returned from the store. I'm equally certain that I don't care. My feet are intact, no thanks to you.

Sincerely,
your sane(r) neighbor


Dear American Idol,

I really do only watch for poops and giggles lately (and more often it's light on the giggles)
but comparing Adam Lambert to Elvis Presley is a stretch even for you. I honestly thought Miley Cyrus as a mentor was the worst you were going to do this season. How wrong I was!
It's over, AI
I have no more love for you.

Sincerely,
the girl who only watches for the judges comments anyway



Dear Facebook Friend who shall remain nameless

Please do a little fact checking before bringing up that tired argument and invalid link to "Obama admitting he's a Muslim". Really? First of all...religion *really* shouldn't matter in politics. Second...he professes to be a Christian just as George W. Bush does. If we believe one, we should believe the other.
(now I actually do know quite a few things about Islam. having a father who is a Muslim makes him culturally a Muslim, and one in the eyes of that particular faith. but guess what? he gets to make a choice, and unless there's been a huge revelation that I'm unaware of, he and his family are good 'ol Protestants under that Christian umbrella.)

Sincerely,
your
"I get the feeling that admitting that our current President is of the same faith as our former President...and you...scares you because you happen to not agree with him on several points and *gasp, shock* we certainly can't disagree as Christians! I mean, all Protestant denominations agree on EVERYTHING, and there is certainly no divide between Catholics and Protestants ANYWHERE in the world"
friend

Ahhhh, I feel better. Anyone you need to write an open letter to?


(ps: I'll be sure to fill you in on the more serious stuff going on in my life as soon as I know more. I'm playing the waiting game right now which is a whole other 'open letter' of it's own :)

Crazy Neighbor Lady Chronicles; Volume 4

Remember the Crazy Lady next door?

Well, ladies and gentlemen...she strikes again.

I was babysitting the other night when Mattie (who is the normal and fun lady next door) texted me.

"There is another note taped 2 her tree. I'm afraid 2 look"

Of course I urged her to look at it, and later on I get another message:

"It was about the tree."

Huh?

I was thinking dog poop...cars...perhaps a request to remove the squirrel that continually pelts the cars...a hate letter about Mattie or me...

My response was

"Sounds about right."

So I called her a bit later and she told me it wasn't written on normal paper. We spent some time upon returning from work the next day trying to figure out exactly WHAT it was and finally decided it was a towel like you would wash your car with.

(We couldn't just go up and touch it. She was home and the blinds were open. Cra-zy doesn't need any encouragement to come out and start a conversation with us.)

Later that night, under cover of darkness and noting that her blinds were closed I touched it and confirmed that our conclusion was indeed correct.

So the question is...

does it make her MORE crazy or less that she had the forethought to write it on something like that just in case it rained?

You want to see the note you say?

All right then.



Note the size of that tree, ok?

Now here's the note:

"Unless you have an order to cut down this tree, please just trim off the dead parts. I changed my mind as it does provide some shade & helps keep heat out.
Do you have an ordet order to cut down the tree (bush should be) at side of house. I hope so.
Any question, knock on 725 door. Thanks"

Uh...last time I checked the yard crew/association doesn't communicate via notes. Nor take orders from residents to cut down trees if they're not damaging anything or in danger of falling on our roof.

And it's been there...at this point...for a full WEEK. It's HUGE. I've had 3 people come to my house in the last week whose first words were "What is THAT?"

It's in front of MY parking space.

Can I leave a note asking for no more crazy please?

Oh well. Gives me something to blog about.

The Crazy Lady Chronicles: Volumes 1, 2 and 3.

I live in a pretty great neighborhood. I own a townhome in a quiet little subdivision. When I moved in, I was among the first of my generation to buy in the neighborhood, so it was just me and a bunch of little old ladies/gentlemen (and a few baby boomers scattered in). Over the last 5 years, more of that has shifted and while people my age are still scarce, it isn't all elderly people either. I have a few friends in the neighborhood (I've blogged about Erin). On one side of me is Mattie, who is wonderful and fun. On the other side is the woman I've dubbed "Crazy Neighbor Lady", known to her friends as Jean.

My first inkling that something was a little off with her happened in conversations we would have as she was sweeping off the sidewalk in front of her condo and I would be walking in. However, the first "INCIDENT" happened about a year and a half ago.

Volume 1:

I live 4 minutes from the airport and friends of mine often park in my other designated space (I own 2) when flying out so as not to pay astronomical parking fees. Crazy Neighbor Lady had been in her home about 2-3 months when a friend parked in my space for a week and a half while she was in Arizona. About day 8 this note appeared on my front door:
Just in case you can't read it, with original spelling and punctuation:
Laural (I believe your Name is):
Do you know who the car belongs to next to us. Ist does not bother me but has been there for awhile. & it occured to me it could be a stolen car. If you are a ware of the one, it belongs to, all is fine. Call me at xxx-xxxx if you do not know owner.
Thanks.
Jean M
xxx Kent

Because we all know that car thieves park their bounty in random neighborhoods.

Volume 2:

I don't have any photographic evidence to back this one up, this is simply a conversation we had. This is the main reason that when I see her out and about I ALWAYS pick up my cell phone and pretend to have a conversation. I am not the sort of person to do that regularly, so that's a huge deal.

(I'm unpacking the car from a shopping trip)
CNL: Lorie/Lorah! Lorie!
(she always starts conversations like this. As evidenced above, she has no idea what my name is.)
LorA: hi...
CNL: Hi Lorie. I just wanted to mention that the other day when I was peeking over the fence into your backyard...
(WHOA. Who *does* that? Who ADMITS they do that? And who blatantly TELLS the person they're spying on that they do that?)
The rest of the conversation was something about me not locking my gate one day and she was concerned....um, yeah. I'm sure she was just pissed I hadn't also left the back door unlocked so she could get in.

Volume 3:

I was talking to Barb, another friend in the neighborhood the other day and she asked me if I had seen THE NOTE. I said no, and she informed me that I needed to take a little hike down to the end of the sidewalk in front of CNL's house. There I found a teensy tiny piece of poo and this note, in a sandwich bag under a rock. I went back and took a picture for you all later (no poo, it was gone) and I even got brave enough to bring the note in and scan it. lol. I'm pretty sure it's easily read.



Ok, yes. Poo should not be on the sidewalk. But her complaint about it being in the grass is moot since she happens to live right next to the common area they are supposed to poop in. And it's not like we're talking about a huge specimen here, it was literally smaller than my pinky finger. In the time it took her to write the note, seal it in a plastic bag, and find a rock to weigh it down...she could have just scooted it off the sidewalk.

Sigh.

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a crazy neighbor?

I'm sure there will be more volumes to tell in the Crazy Neighbor Lady Chronicles. Stay tuned.