broken

yesterday i broke an important thing. 

i am really blessed to have several of my grandmothers kitchen items. one of my favorites was a sugar bowl. it was kept in our spice cabinet and made me smile every time i opened the door and saw it. beautiful, simple, and classic. 

and yesterday i wanted to read a package of seasoning mix and moved it for less than a minute and when i went to put it back i bumped the shelf and it just fell out of my hand. 

i sobbed. 

i scooped up the cat and closed her in a room to keep her away from getting cut, i put a band aid on my bleeding toe, i went back to the kitchen and looked at all the sugar everywhere and the pieces of the beloved sugar bowl. 

and i sobbed some more. 

and eventually i started cleaning it up. 

my husband told me to keep the pieces to see if we can salvage it.
several people have mentioned making something out of it.
and those are great suggestions. they really are. but my goodness my heart hurts. 

i have so many memories of my childhood that i would rather forget.
so many moments that i remember through the lens of hurt and loneliness.
it was NOT a bad childhood especially in the grand scheme of things. i was loved in the best way that people knew how to love. no one meant me harm, no one set out to purposefully hurt me. 

but my grandmother loved me in the purest way of anyone. and the pieces of her that i still own make me happy because THOSE memories i will cherish forever. 

so yes, i am keeping these shattered pieces and will be putting them together somehow.
but i won’t feel bad that a broken sugar bowl is still making me cry.

monday's memory: u2 in nashville

last year we took a walk from anthony's parents house

and entered the spaceship...er, vanderbilt's stadium

 u2 was absolutely amazing.  which doesn't surprise anyone i'm sure :-)  but since they ARE my favorite band, there were several especially special moments for me...the one where bono began singing "amazing grace" and a stadium full of people joined in (in harmony, as nashville is prone to do :-).  

 the one where a blind guy requested a song during the encore and bono brought him up on stage, handed him his guitar to play it on ...and after he was finished bono told him to keep the guitar (!).

there were some of my favorite songs played and many just plain amazing moment. 

and there was anthony's and my favorite moment, where bono ended a song by singing the word "blessings" over and over and waved them over the crowd. 

they say that u2 concerts are spiritual experiences.  that night i found out why.

we can't wait for our next one!

*all photos in this post were taken either with my camera or by anthony's aunt sherrie who also had kick-awesome seats on the other side of the stadium and therefore had different angles :-)

monday's memory: the one that started long before me

the little town i grew up in didn't have much diversity
and so, how this little white girl from farmland, usa
ended up with such a heart for inner city families from seemingly the other end of the spectrum
is truly God at work


but i did
i flirted with working in other much wealthier and prestigious systems
but knew for my teaching career
i would be happiest where i could pour myself into those children


i cried on my way home from work
for the first several weeks
because i could go home
to a cozy apartment on the lake
and these children?
were stuck


they didn't ask to be born into this
and yet...they were in their own way happy


i fell head over heels in love with those kids
and the next group, and the next
students joined my choir and gave me the utmost respect
who were nightmares for every other teacher in the building
they told me it was because i was different


i smiled the only time a student told me i was "racist"
because the rest of the statement was "toward white people!"
(at that point i reminded her that i too was white...
and every other student in that multi-colored beautiful classroom
burst into laughter)


i began to see Martin Luther King in a whole new light
and while so much of his dream, his vision
for equality and harmony
have been realized


so much of it has not


so here's to today
where we stop comparing other social injustices and issues
to the Civil Rights movement
because there is still much to do


most of my friends of every nation and color are in the same socioeconomic class as i am
it just so happens that most of the circles i find myself in these days
don't include the stark poverty that i immersed myself in day after day as a teacher
(and let's get this clear: i taught poor white kids too.  they are included in this
after all, MLK's message of inclusion and equality
wouldn't exclude them either.  right? :-) )


and i have to be honest
that while i know that i'm right where i'm supposed to be
i do miss being able to invest in that community


please don't hear that the other social injustices
the awful problem of homelessness that consistently tugs on my heart strings
the despicable treatment of portions of our population by people bearing the name of Christ
the abuse that spouses and children suffer at the hands of those who claim to love them most


please don't hear me say they don't matter
because they do


but a significant part of my heart is with my former students
and the families and homes they represent
what a beautiful heritage and culture of overcoming
may they truly overcome
the stigma, the poverty, the desperation


may God raise up more people who will invest and nurture these children
their parents and their grandparents
and let them know
that the dream is still alive


i'll dream that dream...
will you?

thursday's ten (er...twelve): about 2011

i love looking back at the year, and reflecting.  here's some links and pictures that sum up 2011 for us!


january
i decided (or rather, i'm pretty sure God decided) that the word of the year was more.
(little did i know...)
and i participated in a gigantic city-wide snowball fight (can't wait to make that tradition!)

february
we had a sweet valentine's day (which somehow i never got around to posting about...)

we started a marriage prep class
we got engaged

newfound recipes were buffalo chicken stromboli, creamy broccoli soup and sausage ravioli lasagna


march
i did a little reflecting
we had a scare with emi, but she turned out to be as healthy as can be!

i turned 30

i found and shared recipes for adults-only brownies and chicken burgers with garlic-rosemary mayo


april
more reflection
longed for the ocean
loved that earth day collided with good friday


may
i discovered instagram...uh-oh! (if you have it, i'm msmsctchr)
had a few moments where God reminded me He had this
wrote about professional vs nanny life (little did i know i'd be striking the balance between these two worlds within months)
cicadas came and went
and i found inspiration in a bowl of pasta


june
i shared a sweet story about a teenagers prayer for me (us)
i started a new nanny gig

i shared a starter dream list about a place to live when we started apartment hunting.  little did i know...
i tweaked and made my own recipe for chicken cordon bleu soup


july
u2 came to nashville! (and we went.  a-mazing)

i learned some stuff from the kids i nanny for
bought my wedding dress and selected the bridesmaids dresses
i went on hcg and started losing weight and feeling fabulous
we picked out our wedding rings

i started a new part-time office job that has turned into much more than that...which i have yet to share here.  oops.

august

we had our first shower in indiana and took some time to hang out with friends while we were there :-)

we took our engagement photos

i went with my (future at the time) mother in law to atlanta to the women of faith event (which i recapped in september here)

i went to the beach with natasha (and never posted about it...oops!)

lots of wedding planning and hcg diet info...i ended up losing about 25 pounds!


september
i shared the amazing story of provision with our house
i also shared recipes for stuffed mushrooms, beef flank steak wheels and tabouli salad
and a lot of wedding planning and prep happened :-)


october
we got married :-)

and honeymooned 

 i shared my recipe for black pepper chicken

november
i shared recipes for spanakopita and creamy pesto chicken
we participated in the hike for the homeless again
we drove to birmingham for a burger

december
recipes were posted for blueberry crumb breakfast cake and peppermint joe-joe truffles (or oreo truffles)
we celebrated christmas (a week early) in indiana with my parents and some good friends
we had a great first christmas together, and got to celebrate with anthony's extended family as well

(and emi loves the tree)

2011 HAS been a year of more...more than i could have ever imagined.  thankful to a generous Heavenly Papa who has covered every step of the way.