settling in

at the end of june, anthony found out that his job had an expiration date
which was the end of august

clearly, not the BEST timing in the world's eyes
but we couldn't help think
that God was probably up to something

(little.did.we.know.)

we struggled for a few moments whether to apply at the townhomes we were interested in
finally settling on applying as we had planned
only stepping back if no job prospects had materialized for him by the time we were supposed to sign the lease in early september
a step of faith

and we continued tithing and giving beyond that when we felt so inclined
feeling that God has SO blessed us
that there's no reason to hang onto money that's not even ours
out of a spirit of fear

life went on
anthony began the job hunt
we were thankful that they had given him 2 months notice
but there were still some fearful moments

and then, in mid-july
i was driving home from job #1 on a friday when he called me
and the conversation started like this
"you are not going to BELIEVE the conversation i just...
actually...YOU'RE going to believe this."

he proceeded to tell me that our friends who had recently moved out of state
had been wanting to rent, rather than sell, their home
and that they really wanted us to live there
so much that they had low-balled the rent to $100 less per month than we'd be paying at the townhome.

when our friend T, the realtor handling all this
called him to tell him this
he explained that while that was an INCREDIBLY good deal
and one that would be perfect
we just weren't in a position right now to do that
because of his job uncertainty
and while we would obviously hate to not be able to pay rent at an apartment complex
we would REALLY not want to do that to friends

at that point she said "it's interesting you mention that..."
and explained that for some time these friends of ours
had been feeling that God might be asking them
to use this house as a ministry
to let people who are struggling financially
(just lost jobs, just starting out, paying down debt, etc)
stay in the house for a very reduced rent
or even free

we went to see the house the following sunday
and were absolutely floored
easily 3 times (at least) the size of the townhouse
(it's like God said "ok, I'll see your townhouse and I'll raise you...")

at the end of a cul-de-sac
facing the woods...
it's perfect.

and it's perfect for so many reasons

our mission statement that we had to write in our marriage prep class went something like this
"our mission is to serve and love families through hospitality, writing and teaching."

we thought it would be years before we'd be able to REALLY put that hospitality thing to work
but this house?  completely enables us to not only host large gatherings, but to offer beds and rooms to guests and friends for extended periods of time.  it's SO our heart to do that, and God just handed us the perfect place to do so.

anthony loves to tell people that before we were ever engaged we talked about "dream homes" for WAY in the future.  our list included the following *small* details

- a window over the kitchen sink (my wish)
- no tile tubs/showers (a's wish)
- a deck and nice backyard
- close to an interstate (a must in nashville) but a quiet neighborhood
- family friendly neighborhood
- a fireplace
- a big tub (me again)
- a HUGE kitchen
- lots of natural light
- a bonus room for a man cave (guess who ;-)

guys.  this house?  has every.single.detail and more.

my favorite part of the story has to do with a prophetic word that one of our pastors gave me a few months ago.  he was talking about my life and the things that had been taken unfairly.  and he said "there's a verse in the Bible that says that when the enemy steals something for you he has to repay it 7-fold" and that he really felt i would see fruit of that verse over the next several months, in every facet of my life.

when the mortgage company made that huge error last spring, i ended up with 10 days to move out of my condo

the other day i got a bit curious and decided to count the number of days from the day T had said "yes, absolutely start moving your stuff in the house whenever you'd like" to our wedding date.

i re-counted after the first count.

because the number?  was 70.  exactly 70.  7 times the amount of days i had to move a year and a half ago.

if i hadn't already been sure this was God...i certainly would have been at that moment.

meanwhile, anthony is working a temporary gig for the next several months
but we've been told to not pay a cent of rent until after our wedding.

God.IS.Good
don't you ever, ever doubt it

Thursday's Ten: MORE!

has anyone else felt that air of excitement yet?
it's a different feeling than i've ever felt at a simple flip of the calendar
it's...more anticipation.  more amazement.  more delight.
i can't explain it...but in talking to some of my friends i know i'm not alone in this.

i've decided on my word of the year.
more

it's not a material thing at ALL.
more of a spiritual, relational, and well-being thing.

and here's what i want more of in 2011

1.  God, Jesus, Holy Spirit.  MORE -- way, way MORE.
2.  healthy habits.  more water, more veggies, more fruit, more sleep, more exercise
3.  more provision, more opportunities to make money while still allowing me to continue investing in people that i love
4.  more opportunities to give, more money to tithe, more ways to help
5.  more time with anthony, more time spent in purposeful love and connection
6.  more trips to see family (his and mine), more time spent with loved ones here
7.  more girlfriend time.  more cell group, more chick flicks, more glasses of wine, more mojitos, more road trips
8. more communication with those i love via face to face, phone, email, facebook, text...whatever way keeps me in touch!
9.  more writing, more reading, more reflecting
10.  more opportunities to practice and use the gifts that God has blessed me with. 

what do you want more of this year?  join me in believing that there is MORE to be had in 2011.  as one of my friends said the other night: "2011...open heaven".  meaning it's right there ready to drop down.  come ON!

a year in review, 2010

little did i know when i did a similar post last year what would happen in 2010. it's been a CRAZY year!

january
i perfected a bloody mary recipe, i ran a wild 5k and subsequently injured myself the next day and it finally snowed in nashville! (and i took pictures)

february
we had an amazing and sweet valentines day with amazing flowers, and then...well, life kind of started exploding...and not in a great way.  it was mid-february that anthony's granddaddy entered the hospital with some sort of unknown (at the time) pain

march
anthony's granddaddy passed away only a few days after discovering that he had stage 4 cancer. i celebrated my birthday (anthony gave me a wii!) and found out that the mortgage company had made a huge error...

april
God remained ever faithful -- that seemed to be the theme of this month.  i got the official word that i had lost my house, and i had 10 days to move out.  and that's when the CRAZY God-stuff began happening. anthony's sister got baptized at church on the last day we were moving me out.  i was the featured WOW blogger one day. i had a massive asthma...event...among other things...and ended up in the ER and staying in the hospital overnight. i was thankful to see the calendar change from april to may until...

may
the first weekend in may, nashville flooded.
one of my best friends in indiana got married and i was in the wedding, anthony had his first published article, i spent a fantastic weekend in the gatlinburg area with my suitemates from college.

june
i spent a long weekend in delaware with laura and izzy, started a new summer nanny gig with two precious kids, i wrote a little about provision and other deeper subjects

july
God signed me up for a fantastic retreat weekend (no, really), anthony's grandma passed away, about 20 minutes after her graveside service my car was totaled when it was parked on the street -- hit and run, i headed to the beach for a whirlwind trip with some girlfriends
 
august
i began working for my friends as a nanny to their sweet little boy, we traveled to kansas city and loved our time with family there, i replaced my car

september
this was the month of CRAZY weekends!  we went to st louis with friends, had a retreat with the youth group,  we went to holiday world, i went to arkansas with natasha.

october
i attended an awesome prophetic conference where i actually was on a team that GAVE prophetic words...amazing, i got pretty real on the blog

november
i took the time to finally write out how God has orchestrated my every move for the last 2.5 years, we continued our tradition of visiting the christmas village, we found out a favorite nashville store was closing

december
we got not one but TWO white christmases!  we visited my family in indiana for our first christmas in mid-december...and it snowed.  and it snowed here christmas eve and christmas day which was a lovely thing.  it hadn't snowed here on christmas since anthony's childhood!  i joined a wonderful cell group of Spirit-filled and amazing girls.  december was pretty much a blur and i didn't blog very much of it...but that just means i was out living it :)

so 2010.  it was a very interesting year.  what a range we've been through!  heartache, loss, love, provision, abundance, and just crazy things!  i think i'll look back on 2010 as one of the best years of my life, as strange as that sounds.  yes, i lost so much in the material sense.  but what i gained in return -- what God has blessed me with -- is so much better than anything i had before. 

i can't WAIT to see what He has for me -- for us -- in 2011.  if this year was this crazy and amazing...just wait.  buckle up, guys.  i have a feeling it's going to be one awesome ride!

Thursday's Ten: thanksgiving '10

(you should all participate in this one. just sayin')

today i am thankful

- for the table we will gather at with anthony's family.  for them, their hospitality, and their immediate acceptance of me.  and that they asked me to bring something that's traditional in MY family today so i'm bringing green bean casserole and pumpkin pie.  and so incredibly grateful i didn't get a preparatory letter like this one with instructions. (read it.  you'll laugh)

- for the man i love and our time together so far...and for SO.MUCH to look forward to.  for future plans that excite me, for knowing that he loves God more than he loves me...so the balance is alllll gooooood.  and that he's a dork, just like me.

- for emi, who scrunches her face up into "her" chair, who sits on the piano bench more often than i do, who jumps up on the bed to be loved on as soon as i walk in the door, who runs to greet me when i arrive, who sometimes just runs around the house like a crazed animal, who is stingy (but rewarding) with her purrs, who loves to chase a laser light, and who most nights will cuddle with me at bedtime just for a little while.

- for life in the garden, in the herb planters.  and that i've managed to keep a cilantro plant alive for a whole month now.

-  for the fact that i just drove to anthony's apartment with my sunroof open.  on thanksgiving day, people.  it's in the 70s today :D

(and yes, it'll be cold tomorrow.  but i can be thankful for warm weather on thanksgiving!)

- for friends who get me.  and for those who don't, but accept that i'm a little crazy ;-)

- for the spiritual communities that have shaped my faith.  this journey has been a wild ride, for SURE  but i've told many people to buckle up and raise their hands because it's the ultimate thrill ride!

- for the privilege of being called to live this way.  so completely dependent on God for provision and strength that i pretty much live just like this quote:

"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through"

(Francis Chan)

- for my wii, dvr, laptop and iphone that serve as distractions when i need them, entertainment when i'm lacking, exercise when it's hot/cold/rainy, and connections with those i love. yes, all of them have their downsides, but using them for their intended purpose has been a blessing

- for so many countless things in addition: my dog magnet that has dogs of all shapes, sizes and breeds flocking to me and giving me affection.  for starbucks and my ridiculous collection of travel mugs.  for road trips with friends.  for snuggles on the couch.  for naps.  for worship.  for babies and the privilege of watching them grow.  for the families who have supported me and entrusted me with their most valuable possessions -- their children.  for learning about and beginning to operate more fully in my giftings.  for laughter.  for family.  for so.much.more.

and of course...for all of you.  who come here and read what i have to say, who humble me with the way you respond, who encourage me with your friendship.  i started blogging just for me, and i'm ever surprised and blessed that you hang out with me here in this small corner of the internet. so thankful that our lives (and blogs) have crossed paths.  :)

journey

“It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace…God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through”

- Francis Chan

bear with me

this is a post that's been knocking around in my head for quite a few days.

you would think that because of that...it would be all smooth and polished.

but it's not.  and i have to believe that i am supposed to write it all out here, in it's raw and unadulterated form.

i've sometimes grown weary of well-meaning people saying to me

"well, God has a plan for your future"

when i fully know that

but i believe that God also has a plan for my right now

as i stated, i know they mean well

but it makes me sad to think

that they think

i've been somehow lost and abandoned in all this

unemployment hasn't done that...nor has foreclosure

and i pray that their spiritual eyes will be open 

to the fingerprints of God that are all.over.everything in my life

you see, the journey to get where i am today began well over 3 years ago.  

God was in the midst of amazingly delivering me from eating disorders

and i was feeling a holy (and i purposefully use that word) discontent

knowing that i loved teaching, i loved my students

but for some reason

i was uneasy staying in the classroom

and so i began to pursue other options

i very clearly heard God saying to do this

and i very clearly knew that the family i eventually left the classroom to work for

(the ones who turned around less than a year later

and fired me

with no good reason)

was exactly where i was supposed to go

could i have had any idea of the path i was stepping onto?

no

and i don't necessarily believe that God ordained the family to go psycho randomly let me go

i believe that there was free will involved

and that free will led them to these decisions

but i do believe

that God sometimes gives prophetic words

to people who don't even believe in prophetic words

(to borrow a phrase from one of my favorite pastors, alyn: He's Jehovah Sneaky)

i remember a friend of mine

who most definitely does not go to a church that believes that God is actively speaking to His people

although they wholeheartedly believe in the love and grace of our God

told me that upon hearing of my situation

of being fired suddenly, of the ridiculous nature of the way i was released from that position

all she could think about 

was the verse about joseph

"they meant it for evil but God meant it for good"

(it's genesis 50.20.  in the NLT it's: you intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.)

i remember taking ahold of that verse

and claiming it

not realizing *literally* until this moment as i sit here typing this

that it was actually a prophetic word over me

that God gifted a woman who may not even acknowledge the reality of that gifting

the exact words i would need for the next 2 years

if i had known the crazy and tumultuous at times path the decision to leave the classroom would lead me on

would i have left?

would i have been obedient?

i have no idea

but i hope so.

because of losing my job at the time i did, i was able to step in and work with a family for a few months who have a child with severe behavioral issues.  those mornings with him were some of the most trying of my life.  i had to keep my cool, use techniques for keeping myself and him safe, and...probably the hardest thing of all, pass the neighborhood where i knew the little girl i had loved for over a year was being cared for by someone else.  and yet, i grew.  i maintained patience, learned new coping techniques, and knew that for that moment i was exactly where i was supposed to be.

once the family had found a permanent solution that better fit their family's needs, one of my friends told me that her boss's wife was very ill and they were looking for someone to act as a caregiver during the day.  meeting that family opened up opportunities for me to serve -- taking her to doctor's appointments, and as she regained her strength to lunches and hair appointments and her weekly Bible study.  "driving mrs n" was sometimes a stretch for me...because she was from a very conservative church and i'm fairly certain she thought i was WAY too liberal...but we kind of fell in love with each other.  and i'll never forget the conversation we had one day that confirmed to me that i was exactly where i was supposed to be.

during my time with mrs n, i also contracted with a company to write educational training materials and presentations.  this was purely because of a contact i had from a small group at my church that i babysat for.  i relished the moments of doing something a bit more professional, and i especially relished that i was able to do these things from my office with the window open and a glass of iced tea beside me.  technically i still have the ability to contract with the company, although they haven't used me for a project for about a year...but i'm not worried.  it'll come when it's supposed to :)

as mrs n gained more and more strength and the time i spent with her became more scarce, a friend called me one day to tell me that her office was looking for someone to do data entry "for a few weeks".  those few weeks stretched into a few months, and i felt like i was doing something with purpose.  entering data was quite fun for me...and the fact that i was working in an office that relocated refugees made it so meaningful to me.  i was so sad to see that chapter close, but i had always known it would be temporary...so even though it had been exactly where i was supposed to be it was time to move on.

so, though i had begun teaching a couple of private voice and piano lessons at a studio on music row (also because a friend had recommended me), i found myself with just a couple of lessons a week and a few babysitting jobs here and there.

and this began the first real "break" in the action.  this was the first time in over a year that i hadn't had some sort of regular (if short-lived) income.  of course, shortly after we buried anthony's grandfather...and VERY shortly after that we found out that i had lost my house.  after crying, packing and moving, i realized that an offer i had from some friends to nanny for them beginning in august was now more feasible.  i had told them i'd think about it, because the amount they were able to pay was barely enough to cover my mortgage...and definitely not enough for all my other bills.  well...now i didn't have a mortgage to pay, and the other bills had significantly decreased as well.  after prayer and revelation i realized that i knew (starting in august) exactly where i needed to be.

and then anthony's aunt told me of a friend of hers who needed someone to watch her two children for a couple of months in the summer.  i met them, loved them, and truly enjoyed every moment spent with the family.  i have an incredible thank-you card from them that hangs on my prayer and praise board that serves to remind me that this summer i was exactly where i needed to be.

not a single one of these jobs did i interview for

not a single one of them ended on anything less than positive terms

they were all meant to be temporary

and they've kept me moving

forward and upward

and in the meantime...i had room for a friend and her baby to crash for awhile

i was able to host friends coming through town

and although i don't have as much freedom to offer beds for long periods of time

i can offer a couch...and my heart is still open

and in the meantime...i had time

to help friends pack up and move

to hold babies

to love on God's people

i've had the gift of time

and i hope i've used it well

in the meantime i've rediscovered

that God has been speaking to me all along

and i've found a community of faith where i've been able to explore that

and receive it as the gift it is

i've found spiritual family

not separate from the one i already had

but in addition to

and it's been amazing 

to grow and change and truly realize His giftings and operatings in my life

i have no doubt

that all this time

i've been exactly where i was supposed to be.

the coming months will be interesting

as we are talking more about our future

about how things are changing

and about where God is calling us

and though it frustrates me at moments to not know the answers to those questions

i have to laugh at myself

when i remember all that has transpired since i packed up that classroom

what a journey i've been on

what i've been asked to give up, lay down, and pick up instead

i have no doubt that my journey will lead me back into a classroom someday

but i wouldn't trade these last few years

for anything

you wanna talk life experience?

God has given it to me in crazy abundance.

and i'm certain

that i will remain exactly where i'm supposed to be

even if the "where" keeps changing

because the Who

will never change.

 

Thursday's Ten: a more positive spin

as i typed in response to a comment last night, yesterday's post was published to remind myself as much as anyone that while i choose joy most days, some days are meant for sadness...and that's actually a healthy response as long as i don't wallow in it!

but i like joy.

don't we all?

and so today's list is going to be things that make my heart sing.  things that take me out of the sadness momentarily, and lift me to a higher place.  and some of them may be a surprise...others, probably not.

1.  car rides with friends

there's something about a trip, whether 10 minutes or 10 hours, that opens up conversation in a way that sitting over a cup of coffee or meeting at a movie theater won't do.  maybe it's the sunlight tickling the corners of the car and shedding light on life itself.  maybe it's that moment when darkness has descended on the day and you feel safe to talk about what's real.  i find that those conversations often continue out of the car and onto my couch...and it's a blessed time.

2.  knowing i am loved

i have a Godly man who reminds me of that multiple times daily.  i have his family who not only say it...they show it.  i have my family who loves me in the best way they can.  i have church familIES who minister to my spirit and soul.  i have friends who will drop everything just to be with me.  and i have perfect strangers who have prophesied words of love and grace over me.

those are just a few examples...and they are all reflections of the Father's love

3.  a baby

i told a lady in class tonight "you don't have to operate in the prophetic to know that i'm drawn to babies!"  and it's true.  there's something about snuggling a little one close...something about hearing those giggles (or in finn's case, those fake coughs!), something about the innocence and trust.  i love reading a book, snuggling in, and putting a baby to bed.  there's something so tender and wonderful about those moments -- i consider them sacred.  

and as much as i've loved on everyone else's babes, i am so ready for the day when i rock my own little one before bedtime.

4.  emi

the last few months have made her even sweeter.  i feel like she "checks" on me now -- jumping up on the bed or couch with me when i walk in the door, sometimes even jumping into my lap.  she's never been overly affectionate, so i love those moments

5.  hot coffee

it's been so chilly here lately, and coffee just warms my insides and makes me feel...comfortable.  at rest.

6.  hiking

i haven't done it much lately, and i need to.  sometimes a walk in pure creation, conquering a steep ridge, or just crunching leaves underfoot in a forest is exactly the recharge i need.

7.  the prophetic

i don't pretend to understand it all, and i'm certainly no expert...but going to this class has really highlighted my gifts and given me reassurance and affirmation about areas of my life and personality that i had always questioned.  it's been such an encouragement...and honestly last night's class was the very thing that lifted me -- at least for awhile -- out of the funk i had been in

8.  words

reading your blogs -- they make me laugh, cry, think.  

writing in my own -- it gives me a voice, and stretches me to be more authentic and transparent.  

words like "restore" "refresh" "renew"... they give me hope.

9.  ethnic foods

i'm a fan of thai in particular...but going to experience the food of another region of the world is somehow enlightening to me.  i don't know -- there's something about the experience that reminds me to treat each day as a new adventure.  maybe that's a stretch or corny or something...but i somehow relate the two

10.  music

of course.  it's my language.  it's how i felt God speaking long before i ever realized that He actually does speak.  it's how i've learned to speak back to Him...long before i ever knew that He cared about what i had to say.  and so it's special.  it's amazing.  and i never go through a day without it, in some way, shape or form.

will you join me in sharing what brings you joy?  if you post something on your blog, will you let me know so i can read it?  if you don't post it on your blog...will you share it in a comment?  i think sharing these things will make God smile today...and it'll certainly make ME smile!

:-)

 

Thursday's Ten: this week

stuff i've done this week

1 - joined twitter.
2 - changed my twitter name 3 times in the 3 days i've been on. still agonizing over whether to be "lorasays", "lorasaystweet" or "nannymcb"
(get it? because of nanny mcphee...and my last name starts with b...and my former students called me nannymcb when i left. ok, if i have to explain it, it's probably not a great thing.)
{PLEASE tell me if you have an opinion...}
(also, please feel free to follow me. i'll figure out how to tell you how to do that one of these days)
3. got completely covered in spit-up from a 6 month old...needless to say we BOTH got a wardrobe change
4. celebrated both anthony's (late since he was sick last weekend) birthday and his awesome aunt's birthday with their family
5. made my precious finn cry as if he were heartbroken...because i removed cat hair from his mouth
6. joined a fitness challenge
7. went to the first class in an 8 week series on the prophetic -- WAY cool
8. actually received 2 pretty clear words for different people...and received two for myself that were spot on
9. had my first pumpkin spice latte of the season...ahhhhhh
10. registered for my free ticket to see bill clinton next week!