thursday's ten: in transition (again)

if you follow me on twitter or pinterest, you may have clued in that my job title is switching...again.
after 5 years of nannying full or part time (the last 3.5 being for AMAZING and wonderful families who have loved me and i have adored right back) i'm entering a full-time role in a school setting.


it's SO not what i would have ever seen myself doing.
but it's exciting and just...so unexpected!


so in the form of a list, here's a little bit about what i will (and will not) be doing


i will be working FULL-TIME in one place, while teaching lessons on the side. no more waking up each day and reminding myself which "work" i'm driving to!


i will be following a schedule more true to my body clock (for the first time since...ever).  no more 6:30 am start times...my day will begin at 11:30.


i will not be spending one on one (or two) time with children of just one family. that part makes me quite sad, as i'm quite attached to said families!


but i will be able to invest in the lives of multiple children and families.


i will be a bit out of my comfort zone...my job will be supervisory and i'll be second in command which feels like a huge promotion (that i didn't seek out at ALL)


i will be able to complete grocery shopping, lawn & garden work, and other errands/tasks (including pool time!) before i even go in to work most days.


and i will be able to do all those things and still "sleep in" until 8 am or so (most days)


i will be spending more time at home simply going from 45/50 hours weekly (better than the 60 i was working a couple of months ago!) to 32.


because of the above, i will be able to invest more in my friends and actually visit my girlfriends more often :-)


i will earn paid time off, which means that my husband and i can actually take a vacation and not have to worry about lost income 


so, what am i going to be doing?
well...a few weeks ago i interviewed (after being contacted by them initially) with a preschool that is full-inclusion to "just be a sub a couple of days a week".
a week or so after that interview (in which i was told that i would definitely be hired) they called me and asked me to stop by to "discuss my schedule"
when i went in the next day, i was told about this position and tentatively offered it (with the potential starting of it starting in august)
the next day, i contacted them and told them if they offer was extended it would be accepted
and the next day, i was called and formally offered the job (with the new starting time of JUNE)


i'll be the "afternoon coordinator" at this school, which is why i come it at 11:30 and leave at 6(:05).  i'll be making sure staff is supported and on target, troubleshooting anything that comes up, structuring activities to be learning play time, and popping in classrooms every once in awhile myself to interact with the kids. 


i'm totally excited, quite nervous about the responsibility, and quite overwhelmed that my Papa has once again just handed me a job without me looking for it at.all.


the families i am currently working for are thrilled for me, sad to see me go, but completely blessing this in my life. that has been SUCH a gift. i plan to babysit often and even just visit...clients who have become friends are so precious.


there is so much more to the story, regarding connections from a previous unhealthy work environment that i was placed in for a reason and all sorts of other things...but in the interest of remaining professional and honoring even those who i haven't felt honored by...those stories are just not for this blog.


let me encourage you if you are not in this place of "good news" on the job front or anywhere else...He is still faithful. my story isn't all neat, perfect and pretty (as anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows well)...but it is Glorious, because He has been the author of every page. this current page that looks so polished is a result of the smudges and dark blots on preceding ones...and i'm not naive enough to think that this page will remain as pretty as it is now :-) life is messy because humans are messy. and God chooses to work through us anyway? what an incredible honor, what lavish love He has for us.

settling in

at the end of june, anthony found out that his job had an expiration date
which was the end of august

clearly, not the BEST timing in the world's eyes
but we couldn't help think
that God was probably up to something

(little.did.we.know.)

we struggled for a few moments whether to apply at the townhomes we were interested in
finally settling on applying as we had planned
only stepping back if no job prospects had materialized for him by the time we were supposed to sign the lease in early september
a step of faith

and we continued tithing and giving beyond that when we felt so inclined
feeling that God has SO blessed us
that there's no reason to hang onto money that's not even ours
out of a spirit of fear

life went on
anthony began the job hunt
we were thankful that they had given him 2 months notice
but there were still some fearful moments

and then, in mid-july
i was driving home from job #1 on a friday when he called me
and the conversation started like this
"you are not going to BELIEVE the conversation i just...
actually...YOU'RE going to believe this."

he proceeded to tell me that our friends who had recently moved out of state
had been wanting to rent, rather than sell, their home
and that they really wanted us to live there
so much that they had low-balled the rent to $100 less per month than we'd be paying at the townhome.

when our friend T, the realtor handling all this
called him to tell him this
he explained that while that was an INCREDIBLY good deal
and one that would be perfect
we just weren't in a position right now to do that
because of his job uncertainty
and while we would obviously hate to not be able to pay rent at an apartment complex
we would REALLY not want to do that to friends

at that point she said "it's interesting you mention that..."
and explained that for some time these friends of ours
had been feeling that God might be asking them
to use this house as a ministry
to let people who are struggling financially
(just lost jobs, just starting out, paying down debt, etc)
stay in the house for a very reduced rent
or even free

we went to see the house the following sunday
and were absolutely floored
easily 3 times (at least) the size of the townhouse
(it's like God said "ok, I'll see your townhouse and I'll raise you...")

at the end of a cul-de-sac
facing the woods...
it's perfect.

and it's perfect for so many reasons

our mission statement that we had to write in our marriage prep class went something like this
"our mission is to serve and love families through hospitality, writing and teaching."

we thought it would be years before we'd be able to REALLY put that hospitality thing to work
but this house?  completely enables us to not only host large gatherings, but to offer beds and rooms to guests and friends for extended periods of time.  it's SO our heart to do that, and God just handed us the perfect place to do so.

anthony loves to tell people that before we were ever engaged we talked about "dream homes" for WAY in the future.  our list included the following *small* details

- a window over the kitchen sink (my wish)
- no tile tubs/showers (a's wish)
- a deck and nice backyard
- close to an interstate (a must in nashville) but a quiet neighborhood
- family friendly neighborhood
- a fireplace
- a big tub (me again)
- a HUGE kitchen
- lots of natural light
- a bonus room for a man cave (guess who ;-)

guys.  this house?  has every.single.detail and more.

my favorite part of the story has to do with a prophetic word that one of our pastors gave me a few months ago.  he was talking about my life and the things that had been taken unfairly.  and he said "there's a verse in the Bible that says that when the enemy steals something for you he has to repay it 7-fold" and that he really felt i would see fruit of that verse over the next several months, in every facet of my life.

when the mortgage company made that huge error last spring, i ended up with 10 days to move out of my condo

the other day i got a bit curious and decided to count the number of days from the day T had said "yes, absolutely start moving your stuff in the house whenever you'd like" to our wedding date.

i re-counted after the first count.

because the number?  was 70.  exactly 70.  7 times the amount of days i had to move a year and a half ago.

if i hadn't already been sure this was God...i certainly would have been at that moment.

meanwhile, anthony is working a temporary gig for the next several months
but we've been told to not pay a cent of rent until after our wedding.

God.IS.Good
don't you ever, ever doubt it

lessons from songs: that place you thought you'd be

on one of the cds i asked for (and received) on christmas, the ditty bops cheerfully sing about being
"in between the place you thought you'd be
and where you are"

might i just suggest that actually BEING in the in between spot they sing about
is not quite as cheerful as they make it?

because...the times i've felt that i'm not where i *thought* i would be
the moments i dwell on where i am in life
and compare it to where my expectations had placed me
the former loses.
every time.

but does that have to be the case?
after all, life experiences would be so few
if i was where i thought i would be.

i laugh at my younger self sometimes
when i think that at the age of 18, i thought by now
i'd be married with a couple of kids
and then at the age of 25
i was positive i would never marry and would just adopt
two very small examples of where i thought i'd be
and where i am
(by the way, where i am is SO much better than either of those scenarios)

but there are the other things
by now i thought i'd have lived in my house for almost 8 years
where i actually am is in a spot of ruined credit and a foreclosure to put the cherry on top
by now i thought i'd have landed a job back in the classroom
where i am is completely loving what i do
but without health insurance of any kind (which means that going on birth control in a few months is gonna be tricky...)

however
(and there's always one of those, right?)
i am so thankful for where i am!

some of it has been kicking and screaming
but most of it hasn't
especially once i learned
that my decisions
aren't going to screw up God's plan

they may screw up MINE
but mine isn't the one that ultimately matters, right?

might i (gently) remind you
that if you're not where you thought you should be
it may be because of choices you've made?


here's the thing i'm learning
slowly but surely

i am in the place i thought i should be

it's all about me

my hopes
my dreams
my wants
my supposed needs

but where i actually am?

God is here
and that
THAT
is what makes the place i am
so much better
than where i ever thought i would be.

a year in review, 2010

little did i know when i did a similar post last year what would happen in 2010. it's been a CRAZY year!

january
i perfected a bloody mary recipe, i ran a wild 5k and subsequently injured myself the next day and it finally snowed in nashville! (and i took pictures)

february
we had an amazing and sweet valentines day with amazing flowers, and then...well, life kind of started exploding...and not in a great way.  it was mid-february that anthony's granddaddy entered the hospital with some sort of unknown (at the time) pain

march
anthony's granddaddy passed away only a few days after discovering that he had stage 4 cancer. i celebrated my birthday (anthony gave me a wii!) and found out that the mortgage company had made a huge error...

april
God remained ever faithful -- that seemed to be the theme of this month.  i got the official word that i had lost my house, and i had 10 days to move out.  and that's when the CRAZY God-stuff began happening. anthony's sister got baptized at church on the last day we were moving me out.  i was the featured WOW blogger one day. i had a massive asthma...event...among other things...and ended up in the ER and staying in the hospital overnight. i was thankful to see the calendar change from april to may until...

may
the first weekend in may, nashville flooded.
one of my best friends in indiana got married and i was in the wedding, anthony had his first published article, i spent a fantastic weekend in the gatlinburg area with my suitemates from college.

june
i spent a long weekend in delaware with laura and izzy, started a new summer nanny gig with two precious kids, i wrote a little about provision and other deeper subjects

july
God signed me up for a fantastic retreat weekend (no, really), anthony's grandma passed away, about 20 minutes after her graveside service my car was totaled when it was parked on the street -- hit and run, i headed to the beach for a whirlwind trip with some girlfriends
 
august
i began working for my friends as a nanny to their sweet little boy, we traveled to kansas city and loved our time with family there, i replaced my car

september
this was the month of CRAZY weekends!  we went to st louis with friends, had a retreat with the youth group,  we went to holiday world, i went to arkansas with natasha.

october
i attended an awesome prophetic conference where i actually was on a team that GAVE prophetic words...amazing, i got pretty real on the blog

november
i took the time to finally write out how God has orchestrated my every move for the last 2.5 years, we continued our tradition of visiting the christmas village, we found out a favorite nashville store was closing

december
we got not one but TWO white christmases!  we visited my family in indiana for our first christmas in mid-december...and it snowed.  and it snowed here christmas eve and christmas day which was a lovely thing.  it hadn't snowed here on christmas since anthony's childhood!  i joined a wonderful cell group of Spirit-filled and amazing girls.  december was pretty much a blur and i didn't blog very much of it...but that just means i was out living it :)

so 2010.  it was a very interesting year.  what a range we've been through!  heartache, loss, love, provision, abundance, and just crazy things!  i think i'll look back on 2010 as one of the best years of my life, as strange as that sounds.  yes, i lost so much in the material sense.  but what i gained in return -- what God has blessed me with -- is so much better than anything i had before. 

i can't WAIT to see what He has for me -- for us -- in 2011.  if this year was this crazy and amazing...just wait.  buckle up, guys.  i have a feeling it's going to be one awesome ride!

Monday's Memory: the one with my lake

do you have one of those places that calls you back from time to time?

times when you're discouraged

sad

at a decision point

that feel so much a part of you

that going there in the midst of chaos sort of sends everything scattering to the right place again?

when i first graduated college i moved

about 30 minutes north of the city

(logistically a nightmare, which is why i lived there for precisely ONE year)

the draw though

was that i had a ground floor apartment

that was directly across the street from a gorgeous lake

and i could literally step off my patio and walk across to it anytime i wanted

i have this thing about water

and this lake

was just special.

in november of 2008

just a couple of months after losing my job

i felt lost

without direction

nothing had materialized

and while i was "working" for a few families

i had no idea where to go from there

(little did i know the journey i was ALREADY on!)

i revisited "my" lake

and somehow

things seemed right again with the world

 if only for that 20 minutes.

journey

“It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace…God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through”

- Francis Chan

bear with me

this is a post that's been knocking around in my head for quite a few days.

you would think that because of that...it would be all smooth and polished.

but it's not.  and i have to believe that i am supposed to write it all out here, in it's raw and unadulterated form.

i've sometimes grown weary of well-meaning people saying to me

"well, God has a plan for your future"

when i fully know that

but i believe that God also has a plan for my right now

as i stated, i know they mean well

but it makes me sad to think

that they think

i've been somehow lost and abandoned in all this

unemployment hasn't done that...nor has foreclosure

and i pray that their spiritual eyes will be open 

to the fingerprints of God that are all.over.everything in my life

you see, the journey to get where i am today began well over 3 years ago.  

God was in the midst of amazingly delivering me from eating disorders

and i was feeling a holy (and i purposefully use that word) discontent

knowing that i loved teaching, i loved my students

but for some reason

i was uneasy staying in the classroom

and so i began to pursue other options

i very clearly heard God saying to do this

and i very clearly knew that the family i eventually left the classroom to work for

(the ones who turned around less than a year later

and fired me

with no good reason)

was exactly where i was supposed to go

could i have had any idea of the path i was stepping onto?

no

and i don't necessarily believe that God ordained the family to go psycho randomly let me go

i believe that there was free will involved

and that free will led them to these decisions

but i do believe

that God sometimes gives prophetic words

to people who don't even believe in prophetic words

(to borrow a phrase from one of my favorite pastors, alyn: He's Jehovah Sneaky)

i remember a friend of mine

who most definitely does not go to a church that believes that God is actively speaking to His people

although they wholeheartedly believe in the love and grace of our God

told me that upon hearing of my situation

of being fired suddenly, of the ridiculous nature of the way i was released from that position

all she could think about 

was the verse about joseph

"they meant it for evil but God meant it for good"

(it's genesis 50.20.  in the NLT it's: you intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.)

i remember taking ahold of that verse

and claiming it

not realizing *literally* until this moment as i sit here typing this

that it was actually a prophetic word over me

that God gifted a woman who may not even acknowledge the reality of that gifting

the exact words i would need for the next 2 years

if i had known the crazy and tumultuous at times path the decision to leave the classroom would lead me on

would i have left?

would i have been obedient?

i have no idea

but i hope so.

because of losing my job at the time i did, i was able to step in and work with a family for a few months who have a child with severe behavioral issues.  those mornings with him were some of the most trying of my life.  i had to keep my cool, use techniques for keeping myself and him safe, and...probably the hardest thing of all, pass the neighborhood where i knew the little girl i had loved for over a year was being cared for by someone else.  and yet, i grew.  i maintained patience, learned new coping techniques, and knew that for that moment i was exactly where i was supposed to be.

once the family had found a permanent solution that better fit their family's needs, one of my friends told me that her boss's wife was very ill and they were looking for someone to act as a caregiver during the day.  meeting that family opened up opportunities for me to serve -- taking her to doctor's appointments, and as she regained her strength to lunches and hair appointments and her weekly Bible study.  "driving mrs n" was sometimes a stretch for me...because she was from a very conservative church and i'm fairly certain she thought i was WAY too liberal...but we kind of fell in love with each other.  and i'll never forget the conversation we had one day that confirmed to me that i was exactly where i was supposed to be.

during my time with mrs n, i also contracted with a company to write educational training materials and presentations.  this was purely because of a contact i had from a small group at my church that i babysat for.  i relished the moments of doing something a bit more professional, and i especially relished that i was able to do these things from my office with the window open and a glass of iced tea beside me.  technically i still have the ability to contract with the company, although they haven't used me for a project for about a year...but i'm not worried.  it'll come when it's supposed to :)

as mrs n gained more and more strength and the time i spent with her became more scarce, a friend called me one day to tell me that her office was looking for someone to do data entry "for a few weeks".  those few weeks stretched into a few months, and i felt like i was doing something with purpose.  entering data was quite fun for me...and the fact that i was working in an office that relocated refugees made it so meaningful to me.  i was so sad to see that chapter close, but i had always known it would be temporary...so even though it had been exactly where i was supposed to be it was time to move on.

so, though i had begun teaching a couple of private voice and piano lessons at a studio on music row (also because a friend had recommended me), i found myself with just a couple of lessons a week and a few babysitting jobs here and there.

and this began the first real "break" in the action.  this was the first time in over a year that i hadn't had some sort of regular (if short-lived) income.  of course, shortly after we buried anthony's grandfather...and VERY shortly after that we found out that i had lost my house.  after crying, packing and moving, i realized that an offer i had from some friends to nanny for them beginning in august was now more feasible.  i had told them i'd think about it, because the amount they were able to pay was barely enough to cover my mortgage...and definitely not enough for all my other bills.  well...now i didn't have a mortgage to pay, and the other bills had significantly decreased as well.  after prayer and revelation i realized that i knew (starting in august) exactly where i needed to be.

and then anthony's aunt told me of a friend of hers who needed someone to watch her two children for a couple of months in the summer.  i met them, loved them, and truly enjoyed every moment spent with the family.  i have an incredible thank-you card from them that hangs on my prayer and praise board that serves to remind me that this summer i was exactly where i needed to be.

not a single one of these jobs did i interview for

not a single one of them ended on anything less than positive terms

they were all meant to be temporary

and they've kept me moving

forward and upward

and in the meantime...i had room for a friend and her baby to crash for awhile

i was able to host friends coming through town

and although i don't have as much freedom to offer beds for long periods of time

i can offer a couch...and my heart is still open

and in the meantime...i had time

to help friends pack up and move

to hold babies

to love on God's people

i've had the gift of time

and i hope i've used it well

in the meantime i've rediscovered

that God has been speaking to me all along

and i've found a community of faith where i've been able to explore that

and receive it as the gift it is

i've found spiritual family

not separate from the one i already had

but in addition to

and it's been amazing 

to grow and change and truly realize His giftings and operatings in my life

i have no doubt

that all this time

i've been exactly where i was supposed to be.

the coming months will be interesting

as we are talking more about our future

about how things are changing

and about where God is calling us

and though it frustrates me at moments to not know the answers to those questions

i have to laugh at myself

when i remember all that has transpired since i packed up that classroom

what a journey i've been on

what i've been asked to give up, lay down, and pick up instead

i have no doubt that my journey will lead me back into a classroom someday

but i wouldn't trade these last few years

for anything

you wanna talk life experience?

God has given it to me in crazy abundance.

and i'm certain

that i will remain exactly where i'm supposed to be

even if the "where" keeps changing

because the Who

will never change.

 

abundance.2

so, a few weeks ago i remember chatting with God

and telling him, offhandedly, that an extra $xxx a week would be awesome

and was even looking for other part-time nanny gigs to bring that money in

nothing really was materializing

but i wasn't panicking

because i'm pretty solid in the knowledge

that He provides

so

last week i started noticing little things

really little

like going through 2 different fast food windows and ordering ranch for my fries

(i know, SO unhealthy...whatever)

and instead of receiving 1 package, i'd get 2 or even 3

i texted a friend saying

"abundance is following me!"

last night i dreamed
that i was moving into an apartment with my old college roommates
and that we were trying to cram stuff into kitchen cabinets
and every time we made a decision and filled a cabinet
we noticed more and more cabinets
until finally, we had an entire row of cabinets that lay in wait for us
because we had nothing left to put in them
and an extra stove as well
abundance

and then today the final piece of the puzzle

when the office manager for the studio i teach at

called me

as i was sitting on the couch

enjoying the breezes wafting in

watching mindless tv

and editing pictures

enjoying this wonderful day off

and she asked if i were able to take 2 additional students each week

and could i start that as early as tomorrow?

i held back my laughter while we chatted

about the special needs of one of these students

and the time management involved

and when i got off the phone i started thinking

"ok, so with my existing students, the ones that were added last week and these two...

that brings the total to $xxx/week..."

and that's when it hit me

and i REALLY laughed

God.is.Good

don't you ever doubt that one

curveballs that life throws you

don't hold a candle

to the ones He has tucked away!

abundance

tonight as anthony and i left his apartment to go have dinner with some of his family

we saw a squirrel dashing across the yard and into a tree

with a HUGE nut of some sort in it's mouth

after the obligatory "nut" jokes 

(yes, we're 12 years old!)

we remarked that it was actually pretty impressive

that he was able to move so agilely 

with such a huge load

after all, the nut was literally bigger than his mouth

(this wasn't our squirrel.  image courtesy of google images)

it made me wonder

if the squirrel really thought of it as a burden

a load

something that HAD to be done

or if he considered it abundance

something bigger than he could have dreamed of

a solitary piece of food that he can feast on for awhile

hmmm.

i have a lot of things in common with that squirrel.

sometimes i see things as a burden, when they are actually God's abundance

sometimes a load i'm bearing is actually leading me to a blessing that's bigger than i could imagine

something that seems like a chore is preparing me to feast on His richest food

i think that over the last few months

that's become very real to me

losing my house was a release

releasing me into blessings that are immeasureable

i no longer have the worry of how i'm going to pay the mortgage

because there is no mortgage

and some weeks i literally sit back and LAUGH

as God POURS money my way

and i'm ENJOYING my work

i love what i do

i feel like it matters

and i'm so.incredibly.thankful

for the things in my life that most would consider trials

because for me...they've become some of my richest blessings

abundance

i'm SO blessed

Thursday's Ten: things in the not-so happy category

i try to keep it positive around here, really i do.

but sometimes you just NEED to vent

so join me, won't you?

here's 10 things i'm less than thrilled about today:

1. that my car was the victim of a hit-and-run about 30 minutes after the graveside service on friday. no one in it, thankfully, but it's pretty banged up. i won't even get into the story.

2. that for 2 months in a row i've had to call my cable provider *after midnight* to get my service turned back on. i'm current with my payments...but i found out a few minutes ago that my email address was never transferred and so it looks like i haven't paid a thing. instead they set up a stupid bogus email account when my service was transferred and never bothered to tell me either the address or the password. um...

oh, and while they figure this out i have no access to my main email address. NOT.HAPPY

3. (relating to #1) that even though i didn't do anything wrong, i have to deal with the insurance and repair of my car...and pay a deductible. doesn't quite seem fair, does it?

4. that my health insurance basically sucks. i'm actually canceling it today and looking for an alternative healthcare plan a couple of months from now. that way, i'll be able to do my research and save the money that i have been spending on health insurance (which is a LOT) until i can find a plan that's either decent or more affordable--hopefully both!

5. that although i've meant to, i haven't yet made it to bed at a decent hour this week.

6. that i haven't yet unpacked like i meant to. things keep coming up and i feel like i need a good solid few days to concentrate on it. otherwise i get overwhelmed when i only have a few hours

7. that i don't yet have jobs lined up like i would prefer for the next 2.5 weeks where i'm between nanny positions. while i can definitely use a couple of days off, i need to keep income coming in!

(i say that knowing that i will be provided for...jobs have already come in out of the blue. it's just that even though i'm living in this amazing time of provision, i also feel like it's my responsibility to stay busy and productive, ya know?)

8. that i haven't yet found all my clothes. that could be solved had i done #6

;-)

9. that i haven't been to a movie in awhile

10. that i have to remember my pesky inhaler when i think about exercising that doesn't involve wiifit

what about you? what are you shaking your head...or your fist...about this week?

provision

it just doesn't make sense to people

and i KNOW that

and sometimes it's frustrating to attempt to explain to people

even some of my Christian friends who aren't called to the same life of exuberant faith that i have been

(and there is nothing wrong with that--they are called to other things that i'm not)

but money?

i'm not worried about it

which makes NO sense

to anyone who knows my circumstances

God is teaching me that HE and He alone provides my every need

provision

under the best and worst of circumstances

yes, i "lost" my house

but i truly felt that it was a release

a hurtful one at moments

but a release, nonetheless.

i have bills to pay

that i have no earthly idea how they will be paid

but that's just it--earthly ideas don't get me very far

He knows how it will happen

and while sometimes i wonder it people think i'm just sitting around on my butt

waiting

(and in a sense, that's what i'm doing--the waiting part at least

i work my butt off doing all kinds of odd jobs)

*i* know

that every time something is due that is crucial

somehow,

some way

the funds come through

and yeah,

dave ramsey would not be thrilled with my approach

(or maybe he would--

i have a feeling that he understands what it is to live in faith that God will provide)

and it doesn't follow his "program"

which i very much respect

and have many friends who have used it to eliminate debt from their lives

that program

that mindset

is not what i'm called to right now

i don't know why

i don't know for how long

but i know

trusting in Jehovah Jireh--the God who provides

is what i am called to

always

and especially right now

complete and utter faith that HE will work things out?

it's an amazing place to be

i don't know why He chose me to live this way

but i am so, so grateful

because the pure, unadulterated JOY that is a part of this?

is absolutely intoxicating.

Thursday's Ten: promises

i feel like it's important (for me at least) to do this every once in awhile. so here are the promises i'm making myself as of right now, in this moment.

1. i will not worry about money and where this or that payment will come from. thus far, God has provided my every NEED...why would i think that would change?

2. i will enjoy each moment instead of focusing on what's "wrong" with my life/finances. in the grand scheme of things, i'm so incredibly blessed...and it's only when people outside of myself start wondering aloud how i'm handling things or what's going on that i start questioning. i need to remember something my dad always quoted: "there's nothing that will happen today that God and i can't handle together"

(erm, i may have gotten a huge hospital bill last night since my insurance is crappy and been doing a bit of concerned thinking...)

3. i will enjoy time spent with children...even if they are whiney and argumentative with each other. it's tennessee, it's summer, and it's hot...we're all whiney.

4. i will continue getting active, continue my routine with WiiFit, and finally get up the nerve to go for a walk/run even though i'm afraid of an asthma flare-up. guess what? that's what my inhalor is FOR!

5. i will learn to can foods, specifically tomatoes. i read not too long ago that eating canned tomatoes from the store is awful for you and that if you must buy them you should look for glass jars instead. i figure if i preserve the ones i grow myself in glass jars i'll be one step better :)

(and yay for money saved...i use a LOT of canned tomatoes when i cook italian foods!)

6. i will take a hard look at composting. now that i live in a neighborhood where curbside recycling is available, it's much easier to be green in that regard...next steps would be compost and rain barrel...perhaps not this summer, but soon.

7. i will take a few moments each day to be intentionally grateful

8. i will continue 'settling in' at a reasonable pace

9. i will take emi to the vet for a check up

10. i will spend more time with those i love

planes, trains and cars...oh my

after a nightmare-ish trip back to nashville (first plane being delayed over an hour, second plane being delayed over an hour and full of CMA attendees followed by the second plane sitting on the tarmac for 45 minutes before heading back to the gate because there was a mechanical failure and the plane to replace it was on it's way...in 2.5 hours...) and subsequently getting in after midnight when it was *supposed* to be before 8 pm, i realized something.

i still love to travel.

and i've done quite a bit of it in the last few months.

from the wedding in indiana

(of which i like exactly one professional picture of myself...but it's ok because it wasn't MY wedding, and by the time i'm the bride i'll be down to my goal weight :D)

*but i do like this picture of myself...in a dress that wouldn't zip up when i bought it but i had NO problem zipping at the rehearsal dinner!*

to the trip to cosby, tn (next to gatlinburg)

where we laughed, prayed and generally forgot that it had been nearly 10 years since we'd all been together

where beth announced the arrival of her second child, come january

where i cooked my famous vodka pasta for us all (alchi cooked out for my preggo friend)

and where we got exactly one picture together.

and then to delaware

where i hung out with laura, israel, and israel's daddy ryan

where we cruised the bay in a speedboat

watched izzy get cuter

lay out on the beach

stayed up watching tv at all hours

and shopped til we (at least izzy) dropped

and there are a couple of more summer excursions planned

i'm seriously considering

attempting to get training

to be a flight attendant

i mean, i love to fly

love people

love to see new things

the only thing that's kept me from doing this in the past

(yes, i've wanted to do it for years)

has been that the pay scale was lower than what i was used to

and i was concerned about keeping up with the mortgage and other bills.

well,

in case you haven't heard

i no longer have a mortgage

which right now i'm looking at as a big 'ol blessing

and while it's quite a bit different from anything i've done

wouldn't it be a BLAST?!

and what's stopping me from pursuing something that would just plain be fun?

not a thing, that's what.

so perhaps next summer

i'll start flying the friendly skies

a bit more often

:O)

(anyone have any tips about best ways to get started in this? i'm assuming i'll just go through an airline and go through their training...but insight would be awesome :)

things that made me smile today

(erm...yesterday? and early today?)

the drive to work--gorgeous country roads (and only 15 minutes away from my house...perfect)

upon arrival to work, hearing P yell "hi! hi! hi!" before i could even see him

(he's SO precious!)

my voice student's smile when i told her the song she's been working on is nearly performance ready

babysitting tonight for children i go to church with but don't see on a truly regular basis...and hearing the oldest (a 4 year old little girl) say "i love you miss lora" out of the blue.

modern family reruns after the kids went to bed

extra money for next week's excursion because i took this job tonight.

emi being happy to see me when i finally got home

the tomato plants i planted yesterday still standing :) -- in fact, perked up quite a bit because of the slight shower they got this evening.

so even though i left my house at 7:45 am, and i just walked in the door at 12:26 am the following day ...

i'm blessed

i truly enjoyed all 3 of my jobs today

and even though i'm wiped out

i'd do it again

(not just to earn the money)...but because right now? i get to LOVE my job.

yeah, i'm not rolling in money

i still wonder about what's in my financial future

but i love what i do

and right now

in this moment

that's where i'm supposed to be.

sparrows

*written last friday after arriving at the cabin*

they were everywhere today.

one landed in front of me as i walked into the grocery store

pausing every few moments to turn

and look at me

inquisitively

as if he were wondering about what was going through my head

just as i was wondering what was going through his.

then as i sat in traffic, trying to just get out of town

they kept landing in front of my car

taking a moment to splash in a puddle

in the midst of heavy traffic

only flying away when the light would change and traffic

began moving.

it took a few times -- and then i got it.

i'm a sparrow too

and God is watching out for me

just like He is for them

i don't think it coincidence

that my favorite song to play on the piano

when i am stressed or at the end of whatever rope i've been clinging to

is

"His eye is on the sparrow"

oh -- i know He watches me

and that is why

through death

foreclosure

asthma

floods

and whatever else may come

(and it will)

i am ok.