a year in review, 2010

little did i know when i did a similar post last year what would happen in 2010. it's been a CRAZY year!

january
i perfected a bloody mary recipe, i ran a wild 5k and subsequently injured myself the next day and it finally snowed in nashville! (and i took pictures)

february
we had an amazing and sweet valentines day with amazing flowers, and then...well, life kind of started exploding...and not in a great way.  it was mid-february that anthony's granddaddy entered the hospital with some sort of unknown (at the time) pain

march
anthony's granddaddy passed away only a few days after discovering that he had stage 4 cancer. i celebrated my birthday (anthony gave me a wii!) and found out that the mortgage company had made a huge error...

april
God remained ever faithful -- that seemed to be the theme of this month.  i got the official word that i had lost my house, and i had 10 days to move out.  and that's when the CRAZY God-stuff began happening. anthony's sister got baptized at church on the last day we were moving me out.  i was the featured WOW blogger one day. i had a massive asthma...event...among other things...and ended up in the ER and staying in the hospital overnight. i was thankful to see the calendar change from april to may until...

may
the first weekend in may, nashville flooded.
one of my best friends in indiana got married and i was in the wedding, anthony had his first published article, i spent a fantastic weekend in the gatlinburg area with my suitemates from college.

june
i spent a long weekend in delaware with laura and izzy, started a new summer nanny gig with two precious kids, i wrote a little about provision and other deeper subjects

july
God signed me up for a fantastic retreat weekend (no, really), anthony's grandma passed away, about 20 minutes after her graveside service my car was totaled when it was parked on the street -- hit and run, i headed to the beach for a whirlwind trip with some girlfriends
 
august
i began working for my friends as a nanny to their sweet little boy, we traveled to kansas city and loved our time with family there, i replaced my car

september
this was the month of CRAZY weekends!  we went to st louis with friends, had a retreat with the youth group,  we went to holiday world, i went to arkansas with natasha.

october
i attended an awesome prophetic conference where i actually was on a team that GAVE prophetic words...amazing, i got pretty real on the blog

november
i took the time to finally write out how God has orchestrated my every move for the last 2.5 years, we continued our tradition of visiting the christmas village, we found out a favorite nashville store was closing

december
we got not one but TWO white christmases!  we visited my family in indiana for our first christmas in mid-december...and it snowed.  and it snowed here christmas eve and christmas day which was a lovely thing.  it hadn't snowed here on christmas since anthony's childhood!  i joined a wonderful cell group of Spirit-filled and amazing girls.  december was pretty much a blur and i didn't blog very much of it...but that just means i was out living it :)

so 2010.  it was a very interesting year.  what a range we've been through!  heartache, loss, love, provision, abundance, and just crazy things!  i think i'll look back on 2010 as one of the best years of my life, as strange as that sounds.  yes, i lost so much in the material sense.  but what i gained in return -- what God has blessed me with -- is so much better than anything i had before. 

i can't WAIT to see what He has for me -- for us -- in 2011.  if this year was this crazy and amazing...just wait.  buckle up, guys.  i have a feeling it's going to be one awesome ride!

Thursday's Ten: smiles

let's review, shall we?

in the last 5 months, anthony has lost 2 grandparents

i've lost my house

i wound up in the emergency room

and my car was hit and run while it was parked

in front of anthony's parents house after his grandma's graveside service.

it's likely totaled

(although i haven't had the official word yet, so there is still hope)

and yet

it's been a good year.

meghan and i were talking about this very thing on our way to florida

that we had sucky 2008s

and that year, she said

that we were going to heal in 2009

and our 2010s were going to be amazing

we kind of giggled as we talked about what all has happened this year

and then we fell silent

and i said

"you know what?

this year has been amazing.

i wouldn't trade any of these experiences

or the provision that God has just poured out on me

for anything

i think i'm going to get to the end of this year

look back,

laugh

and say

WOW, what a ride!"

so while i do have a moment or two of down time

and shed tears

and hurt for those who are hurting

and ache for the loss of my house...my car (maybe)

i can't shake the feeling

the knowledge

that God is raining down blessings on me

and so,

sometimes i have to find a reason to smile

in things that i would normally not notice

but i'll tell you something

i'm aware

now more than ever

that the little things sometimes aren't so little after all

so this week, my reasons to smile have included

1. the cashier at kroger literally opening a self-checkout like just for me

(and he closed it as soon as i'd paid)

2. a scarf that my friend laura bought for me last week just because

3. couponing trips that were just ridiculous

4. buying a set of (cheap) new sheets and putting them on the bed fresh out of the dryer

5. actually writing down the amount of money that i needed God to provide me with this week...and watching Him MULTIPLY it

(that one actually made me laugh. who was i to think i could limit Him anyway?!)

6. laura's response to #5 when i told her was "holla back Sugar Daddy!"

(that made me laugh harder)

7. worship on monday night

8. seeing that i have 3 tomatoes getting ready to pick (i haven't yet had one this summer and it's way.past.time)

9. watching the weight go down every time i step on the wiifit...that revelation was for REAL, y'all!

10. watching 30 rock last night with anthony and our good friends kyle and natasha (kyle is anthony's new roomie)

smiles. laughter. joy

a month or so ago, one of the leaders of our small group, chad, had a vision for me

he said he saw me playing the piano

with one hand

only hearing that one part

but playing it perfectly

and he said

that during this season of my life

i can only hear my part

that i know God is playing His

but i can't see it

or hear it

i'm just trusting that it's blending perfectly with mine

and he said

that i'm doing exactly what i'm supposed to do

playing my part

not in a fake way

but in all sincerity

i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be

and the song that results from this

is beautiful

and he said further

that the level of JOY in this season of my life

is absolutely astounding

yep.

pretty much describes life as i've come to know it

and i love it.

what's made you smile this week?

exhaustion

having to be out of this house in a 10 day turn around
the first two days of which i spent working all.day.long
making it an 8 day turn around
quite plainly, sucks

don't get me wrong--i'm still so grateful for God's grace
and abundance in this situation

but it still hurts to say goodbye to this house that i cherished
painted, decorated, loved
repaired,
bought furniture to fit, cherished, planted gardens

and right now my muscles are screaming
my body aches
and i can't remember the last night i slept for more than 4-5 hours

i've had some help
more "troops" coming in tomorrow
(quite honestly i'm embarrassed by what a disaster zone the house currently is)
swallow the pride
accept the help
accept the not knowing what's in each box
because i don't have the time to lovingly, luxuriously pack each one
and others are kind enough to do it for me

right now
i really worry that i won't be done in time

but i know it'll happen
even if i take most of this crap to the dump!

prayers for my stamina, strength, and patience would be much appreciated
and mourning--i haven't mourned the loss of this place just yet and i'm not positive when i'll be able to do that.

off to bed now--perhaps i can get 5 hours of sleep tonight :0)
troops arrive at 9 am
must.be.up.

...here's what's going on...

I attended a small group last night for the first time with a couple of really good friends who know what's going on right now in my life.
the rest of the group members, including the leader, don't
however, we were asked to stand if we were there needing to make a decision
and i stood
they prayed
laid hands on me
and at the end the leader of the small group came, laid his hand on my head and said
"i've been given this to share with you:
you are so intelligent
but your formulas won't fix this
put down the pen and paper
stop trying to figure it out
He is your shepherd
He will rescue you from the side of this cliff
but YOU CAN'T DO IT"
(there was more than that, but i can't remember it all)

funny how timing works
i got part of my answer this morning.
not exactly what i wanted to hear
but what i've known in my heart
was the answer
for a couple of weeks now.

i'm losing my home
the one i bought at age 23
God is "releasing" me from it

foreclosure
is an ugly word
release
is not

so i choose to be released from this
i've been fighting for nearly two years
since losing my job
and it's time to stop fighting
stop working so dang hard
(no more 9 am - 1 am the next day days two or three times in a row)
because i'm worn out
and i'm giving up

the house was never mine in the first place
it was always His
and while it hurts--deeply
to let it go
it's time.

i still don't know what the next steps are
and believe me, i want to go back to the formula and try and figure it out
but i know that i know that i know
it's going to be ok.