today

today is good friday
it's also earth day

i'm not unaware of the beautiful collision of these two days.

one celebrating the new life we are called to
the other celebrating life on this earth

each having their dark moments -- the death and burial of Jesus
the pollution, global environmental injustices and ignorance

it seems fitting to me that they both happen today

and i will celebrate
by stopping at starbucks for my free coffee
by going to buy herbs to plant in my garden this year
(and perhaps tomatoes as well :)
by dancing with my fiance

all of these things celebrating life
the down and dirty literally
and the joy of spinning around for hours

it's good
it's right
and i'm thankful
for today

(even if i did wake up with allergies raging and don't feel like doing anything...)

unpack those bags

ahhh, baggage.

sometimes it presents itself in streamlined matching suitcases, shiny and new
other times it looks more like cardboard boxes barely held together with duct tape

both equally dangerous.

people who look so put together but are hiding carefully packed issues right under the pristine surface.

others who let their issues seep into every fabric of their lives, so that it's obvious to even the person beside them in traffic or behind them in the checkout line, much less the people they call friends.

and we all have it. like it or not, accept it or not, we're all carrying it.

which is all fine and good...until it starts leaking.

leaking into our relationships
our personal lives
our friendships
our encounters with strangers even

hopefully our response is to face it head-on
to unpack each layer of hurt and shame
or bitterness
or sin
or mistake

but DANG
it's hard

i just have to keep reminding myself
that it's worth it.

because i'm in this forever

(give it a listen.  worth it.)

He's worth it
all that painful "stuff"
it's worth it
because i'm in this forever

lessons from songs: that place you thought you'd be

on one of the cds i asked for (and received) on christmas, the ditty bops cheerfully sing about being
"in between the place you thought you'd be
and where you are"

might i just suggest that actually BEING in the in between spot they sing about
is not quite as cheerful as they make it?

because...the times i've felt that i'm not where i *thought* i would be
the moments i dwell on where i am in life
and compare it to where my expectations had placed me
the former loses.
every time.

but does that have to be the case?
after all, life experiences would be so few
if i was where i thought i would be.

i laugh at my younger self sometimes
when i think that at the age of 18, i thought by now
i'd be married with a couple of kids
and then at the age of 25
i was positive i would never marry and would just adopt
two very small examples of where i thought i'd be
and where i am
(by the way, where i am is SO much better than either of those scenarios)

but there are the other things
by now i thought i'd have lived in my house for almost 8 years
where i actually am is in a spot of ruined credit and a foreclosure to put the cherry on top
by now i thought i'd have landed a job back in the classroom
where i am is completely loving what i do
but without health insurance of any kind (which means that going on birth control in a few months is gonna be tricky...)

however
(and there's always one of those, right?)
i am so thankful for where i am!

some of it has been kicking and screaming
but most of it hasn't
especially once i learned
that my decisions
aren't going to screw up God's plan

they may screw up MINE
but mine isn't the one that ultimately matters, right?

might i (gently) remind you
that if you're not where you thought you should be
it may be because of choices you've made?


here's the thing i'm learning
slowly but surely

i am in the place i thought i should be

it's all about me

my hopes
my dreams
my wants
my supposed needs

but where i actually am?

God is here
and that
THAT
is what makes the place i am
so much better
than where i ever thought i would be.

sparrows

*written last friday after arriving at the cabin*

they were everywhere today.

one landed in front of me as i walked into the grocery store

pausing every few moments to turn

and look at me

inquisitively

as if he were wondering about what was going through my head

just as i was wondering what was going through his.

then as i sat in traffic, trying to just get out of town

they kept landing in front of my car

taking a moment to splash in a puddle

in the midst of heavy traffic

only flying away when the light would change and traffic

began moving.

it took a few times -- and then i got it.

i'm a sparrow too

and God is watching out for me

just like He is for them

i don't think it coincidence

that my favorite song to play on the piano

when i am stressed or at the end of whatever rope i've been clinging to

is

"His eye is on the sparrow"

oh -- i know He watches me

and that is why

through death

foreclosure

asthma

floods

and whatever else may come

(and it will)

i am ok.

Monday's Memory: the one with the suitemates

(this one shall have lots of pictures)

we met during freshman orientation

a weekend when we visited a local waffle house way too late at night

ordered pizza that took 2 hours to arrive

learned a tiny bit about each other

and decided to be suitemates

we paired off with the 2 "l's" in one room (lindsay and lora)

and gwen and beth in the other

a yankee and a southerner as the makeup of each room

you would have thought we wouldn't work

since NONE of us knew the other

but somehow

beautiful friendships were formed

together we celebrated:

first dates

birthdays (on a budget)

and sometimes just dressed up to dress up

thursday nights were "suite nights"

usually they involved going to wal-mart or the mall

stopping by sonic for a meal

or even walking to the scary subway for a sandwich

we would come back and crash

and watch a movie

(in gwen and beth's room. they had the tv. we had the fridge and microwave)

lindsay introduced us to a show called "second noah"

and we would have marathon nights of watching it on her vhs tapes

from the first season to the last

and we sang

loudly

to the partridge family's "i think i love you"

to rascal flatt's "prayin' for daylight"

and to dixie chicks...well, anything

("goodbye earl" was a particular favorite, however)

we all had musical taste differences

but THOSE were the songs we could agree on. always.

we argued too

and would have nights where we would just talk and work things out

some of those nights involved some tears

but without fail, we'd end up all piled together on one bed

laughing at something

we had long talks

about what we wanted our lives to look like

about faith

family

how we wanted to live out God's calling on each of us

(we had no clue how to do that...we just knew we had to)

it was an idyllic 2 years

junior year, only beth and i returned to trevecca

and we had different roommates

(although our apartments were just across from each other for awhile)

we got together often

and still took classes together (mostly music)

it wasn't quite the same

6 years after the last time we'd all seen each other

beth got married

and the 4 of us saw each other again

(although beth was a little busy...

so it was mainly gwen, lindsay and i who were able to reconnect)

that was in 2007

gwen came to visit nashville last year and we were able to spend a few days together

different "pairings" like that have happened

but the 4 of us haven't spent any time together

that's going to change

THIS WEEKEND!

someone's parents have a cabin

close to gatlinburg

and lindsay, gwen, beth, elijah (beth's toddler) and i

will spend thursday through sunday together

i'm not sure we'll have the same kind of menu

(we're trading ramen noodles for my vodka pasta)

or the same movies

(at least we'll be switching vhs for dvd)

and WE are not the same people

but we still have mad love for each other

and these friendships, i truly treasure

because when we get together

it's like it was 10 years ago when we first met.

Thursday's Ten: things that have happened in the last 7 days

i've been BUSY, y'all!



1. packed and got overwhelmed by all the packing to do
2. called in the troops, and between the army and i we got the entire house packed and cleaned by 10 pm sunday night!
3. witnessed anthony's little sister hailey get baptized at church on sunday
4. was hit by a car in the wal-mart parking lot on sunday
5. said goodbye to my house with more than a few tears as we locked everything down on sunday. thankfully, at that point only anthony and his parents were there to witness that.
(and jiminy the cricket came back in from the backyard one more time.)
6. turned in my keys to the real estate agent on monday and received a check in return
7. went to dinner celebrating hailey's baptism at maggiano's on tuesday night
8. followed dinner with an er visit. i'd been short of breath all.day and between anthony and his parents was forced...ordered convinced to go see a doctor
9. was admitted to the hospital overnight (with the threat of it being more than an overnight stay). turned out to be asthma exacerbation--a flare up of a condition i thought i had grown out of at the age of 12. anthony says i gave him quite a scare--i'm sure the oxygen mask, ivs, my incredible pain at being stuck the first time they drew blood, and the fact that i still couldn't catch my breath even by the time they got me into my hospital bed didn't help in that at all.
10. was released approximately 14 hours later (noonish wednesday) and taken to anthony's mom's house until she deemed me fit to go home. she came and vacuumed all my furniture and did a little extra unpacking too when she dropped me off onto her couch. amazing woman that she is :-D

so they say bad things come in 3s. i'm thinking starting with anthony's granddaddy's illness and death, the foreclosure, and this er visit and hospital stay we're due for a run of good things.

can i get an amen?





(for those of you who are new followers from monday--thank you! i promise i'll get to each and every one of your blogs if you commented--i had internet for approximately 5 hours before i started feeling really bad)

Emi's Box

In case you haven't met her yet, I have a cat named Emi.

Here she is:


Apparently she's being shy. Let's try that again.


Ahh, that's better.

Emi has a new love. It happened when I pulled some stuff out of the closet to decorate for Christmas, and stumbled across a couple of empty shoeboxes.

I pulled them out of the closet and placed them near the edge of the dining room table so that I would remember to throw them out.

She had other ideas.


In fact, every time I would even think of throwing the boxes away, I'd remember how adorable she is when she's in her box, all curled up and cozy. I can't bear to throw these eyesores away.



However, she can't stay in her box forever.

The box is comfortable.
It provides a somewhat secure and cozy place for her to sleep.
She observes life from this box.
The box serves a purpose for her. It's a familiar place that she can retreat to when new and scary people or situations enter her life. It's a great spot for napping or for watching tv with "mommy"
But she fails to see the chaos that is sometimes around it. I doubt she even notices the candy wrapper, plastic shopping bag, or pair of shoes.



We do the same thing.

Our boxes are comfortable.
We feel secure.
We observe life from this box, and we try to place others in similar boxes so that we can avoid getting to know the real persons. We even try to put God in a box--as if He is going to stay all neat and tidy according to our dictations.
Our box has sometimes served us well. It's been the vehicle in which we've grown and developed. It can protect us from those new and scary situations. It has a purpose.
But when we stay in our box we fail to see the details, the chaos around us, the living that is going on without us.

We can't stay in our box forever.

Even if we do look cute in there.

Titus 2 Tuesday: Marsha

I read a very disturbing blog this morning by a former classmate of mine. He was literally preaching on the evils of Halloween and how we as Christians are letting demonic activity into our lives if we participate. It was well-written, and he stated that he had researched every point, which I'm sure was true. And I understand and respect the viewpoint. However, I came away pretty disturbed.

The thing is, it was disturbing to me on more than one level.

On one level, I'm disturbed any time a fellow Christian presumes to be more holy than another. Last I checked we are all sinners in need of a Savior. And last I checked, none of us has a corner on all the answers.

On another level, it's disturbing to me because it's how I was raised.

I know Halloween is a touchy subject among my fellow Christians, so I'm not going to go any further into it. Suffice it to say, I've been on both sides of the beliefs on celebrating Halloween, and while I understand the reasoning behind denouncing the holiday, I prefer a more balanced viewpoint myself--understanding the history and celebrating the present.

All of that to say, it really got me thinking.

My parents were certainly not balanced in their beliefs on manners such as this. The churches I grew up in for my young years were not either, and while the church I attended and fell in love with as a teenager was...it was still my parents "standards" that governed my life.

So where DID my balanced viewpoints come into play? When did I learn to think outside the box and believe more and differently than I had been raised to believe?

I can't pinpoint a specific time and place that this began to change, but I can pinpoint an individual who was instrumental in helping me realize that not fitting into the typical mold of Christianity was not necessarily a bad thing.

Her name was Marsha, and she was my professor for quite a few of my education courses. She was tough and didn't take crap from anyone, but she loved us and wanted to see us succeed in the classrooms we were called to.

I found out pretty early on that Marsha and I were two of the few liberals on Trevecca's campus. It definitely bonded us, as we had to stick together! :-)

Marsha was the one who approached me my sophomore year and told me that her neighbors were looking for a babysitter they could trust. I immediately said that she should give them my number and she stopped me by saying "there's something you should know first..."

That's how I began babysitting for the two little girls with two mommies...that's how I fell in love with a family I never would have been allowed to socialize with growing up...that's how I began babysitting for several same-sex couples because it was next to impossible for them to find loving and capable people to care for their children in this area of the country.

One day one of the mommies told me
"I'd love to meet your parents."
Confused, I asked her why. Her response startled me.
"I would love to meet the people who raised a daughter to be both a Christian and accepting of others. You make no secret of your beliefs and viewpoints, yet we have never felt judged or not tolerated by you. You love us and you love our babies."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that my parents would probably not be who she should meet. It was the influence of people like herself and of Marsha who helped me realize that life is not always black and white...that snap judgments should never be made...and that everyone is loved by God, therefore I am called to love them.

Marsha and others have helped me in my classroom full of different faiths, my city full of refugee families from around the world, and my daily life where I meet other people just like myself--broken and unworthy, yet called to be His children.

Marsha moved to another state to consult for their education system when I was a junior. She and I have kept in touch periodically and she's always excited to hear what new things are going on in my life.

I'm so very thankful for her influence and the influence of countless others who helped me to just get out of my box!

Thursday's Ten

A lot of stuff has transpired over the last few days and hours...and so this post will be a bit about catching up on all of that...

Ten Things I Need to Tell You

1. I have a (temporary but well-paying, flexible, and somewhat steady for a few weeks at least) JOB. Totally fell into my lap on Monday, via my sweet friend and next-door neighbor, Mattie. I'll tell you all about it sometime very soon...like tonight or tomorrow I hope.
2. Bulldogs snore.
(I'm babysitting my friend's English bulldog this week and she's snoring away in her bed as I write this. Cracks.Me.Up.)
3. My man started a blog that's not about gaming! On wordpress. And then realized he wants to move to blogger. I'll post the link when he gets the blogger one up and running :)
4. I'm seriously considering making the Thursday's Ten a weekly linked "thing". (whatever you call those things). It wouldn't have to be the same theme that I use for my ten things, but I love it when you all put your own "ten" lists in my comments, so I thought this may be fun. What do you think?
If you would be interested, would you say so when you comment OR just email me? msmsctchr@gmail.com
5. I love pajamas
6. I just found out that a couple of checks I've been waiting for (that are slightly way behind schedule to be paid) will be sent to me very, very soon. Thank goodness! I'm sure the mortgage company will appreciate that!
7. I am saving money to switch from PC to Mac. How many of you have done that?
8. Coupon shopping, while a wonderful idea, can be a bit deceptive. I'm really trying hard to only buy things I would normally OR that would be a special treat. That's working much better than the first week I tried it. I walked in completely convinced that the 3 items I had a coupon for would give me a sense of accomplishment at the end...and at the end I had spent about triple the amount I would have had I not had the coupons in the first place.
9. Kroger has reusable grocery bags...Titans style. Lovin it.
10. Biscotti is a much more healthy dessert alternative than I realized. The Noni variety that I bought last night has just a bit over 100 calories and 4 grams of fat in one. MUCH better than my oreos, although I won't be giving them up anytime soon!

Whew! That's it for now...more later!

Monday's Memory

Italy, 2002

My first experience with San Pelligrino water
It was love at first sight.
And being the musicians we are, we also played a few tunes. In harmony.
(I'm on the left)

Weekend Blog Stuff

I really like this week's wordle :0)
Go here to link up and participate!



Massage, Mass, Football and Laser Show
or
It's Gonna Be a Perfect Saturday!

I had a heavenly massage this morning (including my therapist praying over me about the job stuff), we're headed to Mass this afternoon...there's a Titans game...and then we're going to the Planetarium to watch the Pink Floyd/The Wall laser show. We saw the Beatles show about a month ago and it was a blast, so we're looking forward to this one!

Itty Bitty...

Shhh...

An itty bitty baby is at my house.

She's brand new. Just a month old.

Her mommy, my good friend Laura, is moving back into town. She and Izzy came back today but the apartment office had her move-in date down wrong and her apartment wasn't ready.

Mistake on their part.

Joy on mine!

"Can we spend the night?" has never sounded so good to my ears.

I've been able to cuddle and love and maybe even snap a picture or 3.

Ahhhh. Baby love.

I don't care if it was gas--she smiled sweetly at me awhile ago, and there went my heart.

:)

...pub...

Perhaps I should qualify that last post a little...

I've written about the Pub quite a bit.
If you ever come to see me in Nashville you'll have to go with me.
But it HAS to be on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday night.

Those are the nights my friends, Sean, Josh and David (who make up Nosey Flynn) play live Irish music.

(ok, to let you in on a little secret. There are actually 2 pubs. Well, there are several pubs in Nashville, but only 2 Pubs. One is downtown Nashville right off Music Row, the other is south of Nashville technically in Brentwood. Sean and Josh play at the Brentwood pub on Fridays and Saturdays and at the downtown pub on Sundays. Sunday night at the pub is the more traditional crowd--kilts, and free-flowing Guiness and ciders. But Friday and Saturday nights at the pub are quite fun too :)

As Sean always says: "It's all about audience participation, communication, and intoxication!"

(or as he often says, "the more you drink, the better we sound". It's not true though. He and the rest of the band are TRULY talented, not only at leading a raucous crowd in traditional Irish drinking songs, but also in showcasing their musical abilities which are amazing.)

I love the Irish drinking songs. Especially the ones which allow me to release my "inner profane self" as Sean calls it. I think the first time I requested "Alice" I caught him really off guard. Since then he has realized that I can yell out the necessary phrase just as loudly as anyone else ;-)

But I also love the songs that aren't necessarily drinking songs. There's "Caledonia", which I first fell in love with as they sang it. There's the hauntingly beautiful "The Last House on Our Street" and "Loch Lomond". There's "Fairytale of New York", "Charlie on the MTA" and "Southside Irish" (the latter two also representing the Irish populations in two of my all-time favorite cities: Boston and Chicago).

There are the serious points as well--Sean is a devout Catholic and makes sure to intersperse his faith into the show, whether in a humorous way ("see, I can go to confession tomorrow. You Protestants are screwed!") or in more serious ways, such as making sure the true story of St Patrick gets told amid the crazy crowds on that day.

What's my point? I'm not entirely sure myself. I guess since I'm not going to be able to afford a trip to the island itself for awhile, this is my little slice of it right in Nashville. So when you hear me talk about "the Pub"...maybe you'll have a little clearer picture of why it means so much to me. The music, the people, the faith...it's all a part of what makes me ME.

By the way, if you're interested in hearing a little slice of Nosey Flynn, here's a link to their myspace page. They have a few songs on there...including Caledonia which is my absolute favorite.

Slainte!
(that's Cheers :-)

Blog Pimping Today!

Hi all! I'm doing a little something different today, and trying out my very first McLinky hop...so play along, ok? If this is successful I plan to host it once a week or so.

My friend Kristie just emailed me with the link to her brand new blog: http://www.makingarrangementsblog.com

and I thought...

Wouldn't it be fun to pimp a friend or 5?

So please list 5 blogs that you've recently discovered or just never mentioned on your blog. Sign the McLinky if you're playing along--and please do! Also, please visit a couple of links before and after yours and visit the blogs they're pimping...after all, that's the point!

Here's mine!

People I know:
Kristie: Making Arrangements (decorating, home interiors, awesome stuff!)
Dee: Dee (movie reviews and writing)

Anthony: Running Man Gaming (the boyfriend is a gamer...this is his gaming blog. He says he may start a personal one soon which would be uber cool)

Great Recipes! One of the few bloggers whose recipes I might actually follow...
(Marin) Marin's Creations

My brand-newest blog friend discovery--I became a follower last night. So very fresh! She and her fiancee are adorable, and have these great engagement pics on a vintage bicycle that I'm positively drooling over...
(She's so new I don't know her name yet!) Blessed Chick

And as a bonus, a new favorite site:
I Heart Love

I said it...

It happened when we were watching the memorial for Steve McNair.

Anthony made the comment that he couldn't imagine how the family of the woman Steve was found dead with (who presumably shot him and then herself) feels. He said "how do you have a memorial service for someone who just committed a murder-suicide?"

And after a couple of minutes I made the statement: "One decision doesn't define a person's life."

I'm sure her family remembers the wonderful attributes she must have had, the little girl she once was. That's what I meant.

But that statement has been haunting me for days now. DOES one decision sometimes define a person's life?

For the last year or so I've certainly thought that my decision to leave the classroom defined life in the moment for what it was. But that has no bearing on how I actually define "me".

I certainly think and hope that my decision to accept Christ has defined my life.
But has it really?

So by making that statement was I actually saying that one bad decision doesn't define a person's life?

And if that's true, can I even accept it?

Because truth be told, I'll never know about the wonderful person I'm sure she was. And though I love who Steve McNair was, part of me will always remember how and why he died. It doesn't change that he was a wonderful person on and off the football field. But it does reshape my view of him somewhat.

The fact of it is...all of us make a bad decision here and there. And while I still maintain that those decisions don't define us...I do think they mold us differently than we once were. Just like the good decisions we make.

It's life, I suppose.

Waiting

*disclaimer: all photos in this post were taken in my poor college/no digi camera days, so please pardon the awful quality!*

When I look back at it, a lot of my life seems to have been spent in line.

Take today for example. I had to wait to leave the house because an ambulance was blocking my car as they checked on the ill son of my next door neighbor (not that I was complaining. I read some of your blogs as I waited for them to be done. And he's ok. I think.). Once I was out on the road, I waited in line at Starbucks, the emissions testing center, and finally the county clerk branch so that my car will be legally driven. I don't normally wait until the last possible moment, but with money so tight this year I did. The lines weren't nearly as bad as I had imagined they would be! And I had the foresight to bring my laptop so that I could get a little offline work done as I waited in the car.

It did get me to thinking though. Which is always dangerous, right?

The longest line I have ever been in was this one:

We were told by our tour guide that we were lucky we were there on a weekday. Weekend traffic was even more. Oh, and that line? Stretched out to nearly double that on the other side of the wall. I don't remember how many hours we actually spent in the line. But I'll never forget the treasures at the end of it.

La Pieta

The Last JudgementCreation

Singing @ St Peter's Square
(I'm nearly smack in the middle with a huge black bag draped in front of me)

Vatican City was amazing. I wasn't even as interested in Catholicism then as I am now, and still part of my heart resonated with every step through this historical and reverant place. I remember stopping at the gift shop because I wanted to buy a rosary. My Nazarene buddies on the trip thought I was a little nuts (what else is new!) but I chose a beautiful one made of crushed rose petals. 7 years later I can still smell the faint hint of rose when I pick it up and run my fingers over it.

Knowing what I know now, I'd love to someday go back, but as many things are it's on my "waiting" list.

There are a lot of things there.

My career path, marriage, children, travel, new homes, a hybrid vehicle, being able to volunteer, etc. And there are times I get impatient and wonder what in the world I'm doing still waiting. It's at those times I'm reminded of simple truths that God's timing is everything and He really does know what He's doing.

If I hadn't waited on his timing I would have never moved to Nashville
If I hadn't been fired I would have never realized His provision
If I hadn't completely put my love life in His hands I would have never dated again

So I wait...and I've learned to be content even though every part of my impatient self screams to hurry up...I wait.

And it's here I've found Him, more so than any other time.