Wednesday's Walk -- my Journey to the Ridge

Today's memory is pretty simple. It's the moment I fell in love with Radnor Lake and Cheekwood Botanical Gardens, both close to where I live in Nashville.

I mentioned in my last post that there were 4 women from my church who were instrumental in my recovery. At their suggestion, I took a "personal retreat" for 3 days in June of 2005. I stayed at one of their houses so that I wouldn't have MY house to distract me, I stayed off my phone (SO hard) and off the internet. It was a time of drawing closer to God and learning more about myself.

On many levels I hated it, but it was exactly what I needed.

The first day I went to Radnor Lake. Honestly, I had lived here for 6 years at that point and I don't think I had ever visited before.

Now, it's important to remember that even though I was at a healthy weight I was NOT healthy. I was eating a very small amount of calories per day, and working most of those calories off. So I decided that this would be a great place to hike off the meager lunch I had eaten. I also chose the most strenuous path in the place--Garnier Ridge.

I shouldn't have. I wasn't in a good place physically and there was no one else on the path. Although I never got dangerously close to an edge, or blacked out walking (as I often did those days) the thought crossed my mind that I could pass out, hit my head on a rock, and it would take HOURS for someone to find me.

It was the first time I ever thought "I could die out here."

It was part of the turning point that my 4 friends and confidantes had prayed for. By realizing that I could die out there it finally hit home that my addiction could actually kill me. I, of course, knew that. In my head. But that was the first time my heart realized the truth.

Before the hike up the Ridge

I'm thrilled to report that I've returned to Radnor many times since that first visit. And I can now confidently hike the ridge without that awful feeling. Recovery has been amazing!

I'm not going to write a whole lot about Cheekwood, except to say that the day I went was a heat advisory day. No one was supposed to be out if they could help it. Which was actually kind of nice. First of all, I was always cold, so it felt great to me! Secondly, I got to enjoy the solace of my favorite spot of Cheekwood by myself. The Japanese water garden...is amazing.

The path leading there

A view of the garden--it was built to be enjoyed from the viewing pavilion, so I made sure to take pictures from that vantage point

part of the "outskirts" of the garden. I have this thing for walkways, roads...

Titus 2 Tuesday

What have learned from another woman this week? (or ever)



I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I need to write about a woman who has influenced me...and there are SO many that it's hard to decide who to introduce you to next.

So I'm going to write about Martell.

Martell was one of the first people I met when I began teaching and we immediately formed a bond. You see, I (with a degree in music education) was given 2 reading courses to teach--one 7th grade and one 8th grade. Since I had NO idea what I was doing and she just happened to be right across the hall and teach 8th grade language arts...and since we both stayed after school crazy weird hours because we share a workaholic tendency...we became fast friends.

I knew part of Martell's story before I really knew Martell. She had a daughter who was just a few months older than I am. But when we were 21--3 years before Martell and I met--she died in a freak hiking accident. I learned a lot about Jennifer and her story from her amazing mother.

Part of our bond was a natural course of events--I desperately needed a mother figure, she was able to be needed as a mother (does that make sense?). During the spring of that first year of teaching I put a contract on the condo, and in doing that told her that I was going to need a new church home as my current church would be way too much of a drive once I moved back into Nashville. She invited me to come to her church...and from the first time I walked through the doors I knew that God had brought me there. Sometime during that first year of teaching in our regular nightly chats I shared some of *my* story...the good, bad and ugly. And it was because of her and 3 other amazing women at my church (and many other scattered throughout that journey as well) that I finally made the choice to become healthy. I'll write about those other 3 at some point. But Martell was instrumental in my recovery. After all, she and I shared a lunch table every day. She overheard me give speeches to the cheerleaders that I coached saying "You have to eat enough calories to make it through the games!" And she held me when I cried my eyes out because I felt so hypocritical in those moments. And through it all, she just let me...be. It was largely because of her gentle and non-judgemental approach that I was able to finally just let go.

My principal and one of Martell's best friends both pulled me aside within a year of our friendship beginning and thanked me "for giving us Martell's smile again". Little did they know that she had given me a new lease on life as well.

One of the most flattering things Martell has ever said to me was that she thinks that Jennifer and I would have been great friends if we had ever met. That we both have the same passion for seeing young girls reach their full potential.

From her...there is no greater compliment.

I could fill pages about her. She's an adventurous soul and I've learned not to open my big mouth around her unless I truly mean it--hence the whitewater rafting trip the two of us went on and I can't SWIM. I was convinced I would drown. But I loved it--and have been back at least 5 times since that first trip down the Ocoee!

This picture is from that trip. It isn't a great shot of either of us--we had spent hours on the river, were still soaked and quite tired. We stopped and took the picture because "Greasy Creek" is such a typical thing to see in Tennessee and we were both amused. But I love the picture. It's framed in my living room, and it reminds me to try new things and not be afraid of the unknown.

Recipe of the Week -- Deviled Eggs

I thought I'd go with the obvious Easter dish...only these are just incredibly fabulous deviled eggs. It's totally a Southern thing to serve, but I'm ok with that!

12 large eggs
3 tablespoons mayonaise
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon golden brown mustard
1 tablespoon vinegar
1 teaspoon hot sauce
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/8 teaspoon salt
cayenne pepper

Place eggs in large saucepan/Dutch oven. Add enough water to measure an inch above eggs. Cover and quickly bring to a boil. Remove from heat and let stand, covered, in hot water for 15 minutes. Drain. Immediately run cold water over eggs or place them in ice water until cooled completely.
{I use a plastic colander inside a large mixing bowl filled with ice water}

Remove shell by gently tapping each egg all over and rolling between hands to loosen shell. Then hold egg under cold water as you peel the shell.

Slice eggs in half lengthwise, and carefully remove yolks. Mash yolks; add mayo and other ingredients. Stir well, then spoon mixture into egg whites.

Not Me Monday (3.0)

It was not a beautiful day yesterday, and I did not absolutely love the 75 degree and balmy day. However, overnight the temperature did not drop drastically and it is not 39 degrees and holding at this moment. I am not bummed about this, and as a result have have not sat around with the laptop all morning, do not have my nap blanket (Christmas from A) over my legs, and did not make a pot of coffee at approximately 1:30 pm just to warm up. I do not refuse to turn the heat on in freakin' April!

Oh yeah, I suppose I should tell you what I'm not doing. It's not me monday, and I'm not joining the blog world in confessing what I have and have not done over the past few hours...days...

(this may or may not be the button to click to participate)

{pause for seriousness...this was created by McMama whose baby boy Stellan is still in the hospital, although things are looking better by day. Visit her blog for more current info!}
Ok, so this weekend was not a lot of fun. I did not get to play with a 4 year old boy (who did not make me laugh constantly) and his 10 month old sister (who is not normally a mommy-clingy child, and I was not shocked that she transitioned pretty well to spending a good 30 hours with me).

A typical conversation this weekend did not sound like this:

(at bedtime)
S: Daddy doesn't make me wear pants to bed if I don't want to. Do I have to wear pants to bed?
L: no, Seth, you don't have to wear pants to bed. But please put on your pajama shirt now.

(after Morgan wakes up from her nap)
S: I think we should bring Morgan outside so she can watch us play soccer
(no matter that Lora is unaware of this plan, plus soccer skills? not so good)
L: Ok, but first I need to feed Morgan her lunch, ok?
S: I'm not hungry for lunch right now.
L: Seth, you had lunch an hour ago while Morgan was sleeping.
S: Oh...well, I'm not hungry for dinner yet either.

(upon hearing a mower outside)
L: someone is mowing your yard!
S: yeah, that's Jamie. When mommy hears Jamie outside she goes and writes a note real quick and runs out to give it to him
L: (figuring out that the "note" is a check) Well, I think she already wrote him a note this week. And I am not sure what the note says, so I'm not going to do that, ok?
S: ok.

I also did not discover that they had WiiFit, and did not take advantage of this as soon as the kids were in bed both nights. I do not want one of my own even more now. I do not miss their WiiFit now that I'm back in my own house.

Sunday's Song

I had forgotten how amazing Palm Sunday is at St Edward. I skipped out on Woodmont after Sunday school this morning. I have this "thing" for the church and the church calendar, and I wanted--no, needed-- to be in a place where the fact that it was Palm Sunday was not only going to be mentioned in passing but celebrated.

And I was not disappointed.

We waved our palm branches, sang our hosannas, and then I remembered how truly moving this service becomes. Because we who wave our branches in praise, who sing hosanna and welcome to the King...become the crowd who says "Crucify Him!". All in the space of about 15 minutes of liturgy.

It's pretty powerful. The congregation is handed a script, and we are to read the bolded words. I still have mine from this morning. I'm keeping it as a reminder.

Anyway, it was a very meaningful service to me, and the music was especially beautiful. The choir did an AMAZING job. Here's one of the songs they did this morning:

Stay Amazed (Klaus kuehn)

You are enthroned above the heavens
The earth and all creation bow before You
You are crowned with strength and glory
The angels crying holy all surround You
Forever You will stand
Your kingdom has no end

Oh Holy God
I stay amazed
You are so much more than words could ever say
Oh Holy God I pour out my praise
On the One who never ceases to amaze me

You are loving beyond measure
Your presence is a treasure I am seeking
You are all consuming fire I am Your desire and You are mine

Im pouring out my praise on You
Im pouring out my love on You

Weekend Stuff :0)

I'm checking in quickly today--I have a babysitting job that began at 5 pm yesterday and will go until 10 pm tonight. SWEET kids--4 year old Seth and his 10 month old sister, Morgan. I am truly enjoying myself--not to mention staying quite busy, so I'm not in the blogosphere too much today. I'll get around to your blogs though, I promise!

'da wordle:

go to Last Shreds of Sanity to participate!

'da 6 words:

Sunny day, children play, my bliss.



It really is quite blissful today--beautiful outside, and beautiful children to spend time with. And speaking of which, Seth has requested that I bring Morgan outside so that she can watch "us" play soccer. Should be interesting! Signing off for now...

Awards and Such...

Shanda is such a sweet and wonderful friend who I've really enjoyed getting to know. She hosts Titus 2 Tuesdays, and leaves so many encouraging notes and comments to my blog and others. She was the deserving recipient of 2 awards lately, and has honored me by selecting me to receive both of them!

Here they are:

For this award you are supposed to list 7 random facts about yourself and pass it on to 7 other people.
(just 7? of each? you'd think that would be easy...ok, I'm making myself not repeat any of the blogs that I awarded the other day even though they're all so deserving!)

1. I have to eat my m&m's, skittles, starburst, etc separated in colors...I save the best color for last...and I prefer even numbers of ANY type of food because I must chew evenly with each side of my mouth. Yeah, I'm slightly ocd...
2. I have nieces and nephews that are older than I am.
3. I was seriously petrified of Santa when I was little. For YEARS I would run past his office at Santa Claus Land (now Holiday World)
4. I have a dog magnet. I have never considered myself a "dog person" although I like them and will probably have a few more over my lifetime...but seriously everyone I know who has a dog has a dog who loves me. Even the dogs who hate most people. Go figure :0)
5. I love to cook...not so much bake. Or clean. I enjoy the results of all 3 though. :0)
6. When I find a new song that I love I'm obsessive over it, and I will not stop listening to it until I have learned every word and nuance of it. I actually miss the days of buying CDs all the time, because the jacket lyrics made that a lot easier, and sometimes I buy a new CD instead of downloading just because of that.
7. I can't stand cornbread. I keep trying it, but it's just not good.

Recipients this time around.
I picked all of you because of your candor, honesty and ability to be "real" with your readers. I love reading each and every one of your blogs!

Jaycee @ Married Without Children
Megan @ Infertile Myrtle
Sunny Mom @ Cole Family Mission
Wolf @ Musings
Bethany @ Striving to Be Bold
Caitlin @ Go-Go Gadgett:Gidgett
Amy @ Sweet Home Amy



For this award, you are supposed to: 1. Confess 5 things you are addicted to. 2. Pass the award on to 5 deserving bloggers

Ok. For this one

1. Sweet tea, San Pelligrino water and coffee. If you see a drink in my hand (during daylight hours that is) it's probably one of those!
2. facebook. It's a tab that's always open in my browser.
3. my dvr. what did I do before it???
4. Trader Joe's. Joe just moved in a few months ago, but oh has he made my life better.
5. Mint chocolate oreos. Not found at TJ's, unfortunately but omgosh. Yum.

And I'm selecting for the recipients of this award...each and every one of my (checks list) 33 followers! I am humbled and honored by your desire to read my words on a regular basis, and appreciate you all so much. I was thrilled when I had 1 follower, excited when I had 5, and with each new one I have been so thankful for these new friendships.

Thursday's Ten -- Whatcha drinkin?

Thank goodness for San Pelligrino water. If it weren't for that fabulous green bottle (which YES I recycle!) I'd probably never get enough water in my system. Yes, I drink tap water most of the time, out of my fabulous Sigg water bottle...but San Pell makes me feel so...I don't know. Grown-up? Classy?

However, it has come to my attention lately that several other beverages often tempt me more than plain 'ol water. Anyone else noticing that? I am trying to lose a few pounds (especially now that my 10 year class reunion has been set for June--aaaaahhhhh!) and I have a feeling that I need to make sure that these drinks don't compose most of my liquid diet :0) But they're SO GOOD!

(I should put a disclaimer here that I really don't drink all of these--or even most of these--every day. But when given the choice of one of them over water...I often yield to the fantastic tastes offered here!)

1. Sweet Tea (with a lime...yum)
2. Coffee (hey, I've got to have something in the mornings!)
3. Diet Coke
4. Bloody Mary
5. Jones Soda (cream soda flavor, to be exact)
6. Stoli Vanil
7. Bubbly Irish Nut (Baileys, Frangelica, club soda...sounds odd but omgosh)
8. White Russian
9. Ocean Spray White Cran-Strawberry Juice
10. V-8 spicy (I know most people think it's disgusting...but it's the closest to a bloody mary I can have before 10 am and not feel guilty. haha)

So...what's holding you back lately from your healthier eating and drinking goals?

Oh and one little bit of housekeeping--if you're one of the winners of my giveaways I FINALLY found the cute little boxes that I always use for my jewelry, so your earrings should be on the way to you very, very soon! I actually was buying just enough for the giveaway winners and a couple of customer orders and Anthony pointed out that perhaps I should get twice that many...and he was right! I had another order yesterday from a lady at my church :0)

In the next 24 hours I'll be posting a couple more awards...

And sometime early next week, get ready for another giveaway! I was a lucky recipient of a giveaway at Lindsey's fabulous blog a few weeks back, received my stuff early last week, and have finally figured out what I'm going to give as my prize! I want to make sure my other packages get mailed out first though :0)

Finally, I hope to be back more regularly soon...this week's been a little crazy with guests, birthday remnants, and being "out" more with the lady I'm acting as a caregiver for. So not as much time to sit on my butt with the computer :0)

Randomocity

Why do cheerios smell like pee? No, seriously.

I wonder if screaming "SERENITY NOW" would defeat the purpose...

Keeping one's mouth shut is not always as easy as it may seem.

Oh, and Leslie very kindly presented me with another award over the weekend! Here it is:


The rules are:
1. Post the award on your blog, and link to the person who gave you the award.
2. List seven things you love.
3. List seven blogs you love.
4. E-mail or comment on those blogs to let the people know you've given them the award.

My 7 Loves (in no particular order):
1. The amazing people God has placed in my life -- Anthony, my girlfriends, old and dear friends, church family...
2. children
3. pictures -- taking, scrapbooking, finding cool ones, etc
4. Trader Joe's
5. animals
6. worshiping
7. technology

And 7 of my favorite blogs (this is REALLY hard! I'm trying not to repeat any that someone who tagged me chose, or that I have awarded to in the past, so that IS narrowing it down) are:

Catholic Teacher Musings
Grace Gets Greater
Happy As Can B
Looking for Something Deeper
Let Go Laughing
Snarky Much?
Highheels and Hairbows

And...it has come to my attention in the last few moments that I have been awarded 2 other awards--so it looks like I have another post coming up very, very soon :)